Food In Havasu - Dave's opinions

[OutCole'd]

That's my least favorite Mexican restaurant in Havasu, but you can't argue that it's a good deal.

X2 Been a couple of times. It never seems to quite click for one reason or another

I guess I've just been lucky. We go to Serrano's and have always had good service and everyone we're with seems to like their food.

Maybe we need to try one of the other Mexican Restuarants (besides Chico's)once in a while.

 

[TPC]

Cha Bones is out favourite.
The Lunch and After Hours menu is much cheaper than the dinner menu if that's an issue.

http://www.chabones.com/menus.html

 

[TPC]

Is Crystals still around?

 

[RiverDave]

Oh we got a good one coming.. I'll post it right after I take a shower..

Yes a fucking shower.. those bastards.

RD

 

[Lavey5150]

Is Crystals still around?

Shhhh don't tell anyone.Best kept secret in town.Atleast last time I dined there

 

[Phebus]

Oh we got a good one coming.. I'll post it right after I take a shower..

Yes a fucking shower.. those bastards.

RD

Oh my god, did you shit yourself?

 

[Riverbound]

Oh my god, did you shit yourself?

Wouldn't be the first time.

 

[460]

Wouldn't be the first time.

And won't be the last.

 

[OutCole'd]

Never trust a fart Dave.

 

[RiverDiva]

Dave will tell you guys the story when he wakes up. He had to hit the reset button. I'm still laughing every time I think about it. What a nightmare.

 

[460]

Dave will tell you guys the story when he wakes up. He had to hit the reset button. I'm still laughing every time I think about it. What a nightmare.

He really shit himself didn't he?

That or threw up all over the place.

 

[stspdr]

??

 

[Riverbound]

Dave will tell you guys the story when he wakes up. He had to hit the reset button. I'm still laughing every time I think about it. What a nightmare.

Wake up at the crack of noon and in bed before nine. That's a long day there. Lol

 

[RiverDave]

Oh my god, did you shit yourself?

China Buffet - Lake Havasu City AZ

So you ever do something that you know is stupid.. but you talk yourself into it anyways?

So we leave the house in search of a prime rib, some raw horse radish, baked potato, maybe some salad.. I'm starving and even put on the "stretchy" pants because I plan on filling up, big time.. And much like an RDP thread, we changed the course before we left the driveway.

So Stacy's googling and doing the yelp reviews and we are driving down mcculloch.. My stomach is churning and I'm getting hungry, when she finds some good reviews on this golden something or another buffet.. It should be noted this is not where we ate, but it did in fact plant the seed of "buffet."

We get down to the london bridge area and I pull into the China Buffet.. Now I know what your thinking. Dave a chinese buffet in Havasu? Really?

Stacy is sitting there saying "fuck that" and I tell her, "c'mon now Stacy.. I didn't eat at the chinese place in Parker for 30 years because of thinking like that and we just recently found out in the last 2 years it's really good."

That and I'm thinking well Havasu is about 20 years behind CA in most everything so I'm thinking back of the old chinese buffet's back in the day that used to be awesome.. So maybe this will be a throw back to one of those? So I sell her, or more to the point I sell myself on the idea and we go in.

I'm telling Stacy I got the stretchy pants on and she's gonna have to roll me out of this joint. All you can eat eggrolls? sweet and sour Pork!! R U kidding me?

So we sit down order drinks, and I make my way to the booofffaayyy.. 1st buffet is looking a little rough.. but fuck it. Load up plate # 1 and drop it off. STacy goes to stand up and I say "no no... I'll be back" and load up plate # 2. She goes to get herself some food and I probably look like Charlie Sheen with an unlimited supply of coke in front of him. Face just burried in the plate..

Eggroll's suck.. That's alright just dip it in some of this red shit and it's better. Then dip it in this hot mustard and alternate. Next fried mystery meat.. Fuck it, just dip it in the same shit. I clear plate # 1 when she rolls back, and am on Plate # 2. She takes a couple bites and is like "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" I tell her "don't worry about it just dip it in that shit, it'll taste better.. we're here now"

So I get about 1/2 way through plate #2 and I gotta admit some of this stuff is literally mystery meat. It said "chicken" but then you find a shrimp tail in there.. Non stop, this is the epitome of the buffet in the movie Vegas Vacation. I can't take it anymore this sux.. I mean it fucking sux.. Stacy is choking this shit down and not thrilled. I say to myself "it's impossible to fuck up chinese soup." I'll go get some of that and we are outta here..

The hot and sour looked rough.. The egg flower everyone had scooped all the guts out of it so it was just broth.. Which brings me to Egg drop soup. Pretty sure I've had this shit somewhere else and liked it so we'll try that. This stuff has the consistency of 30WT. It is literally yellow oil with butter and some white shit in it. I should've known better.

I get about 1/2 way through this oily mess and I'm thinking of all the industrial lubricating applications you could use this for.. Gear Oil's, way lube for machining.. All the while never imagining what comes next with this "Slick 50" concoction.. You'd think you would at least make it home.

I'm kinda bitter so I go outside to have a cigarette while we are waiting for this slow ass fucking waiter to bring us the check so we can get out of here never to return.. Or so I thought?

The phone rings.. I don't even want to put the guys name in this review because I'd hate to associate him with the negative connotation of what happens next.. Let's just say we're talking about Dessert Storm and some of it's intricacies, when all of a sudden... "I'm gonna have to call you back Jim!" My face goes pale, the sweat begins to bead on my forehead and we have seconds, not minutes.. I open the door to this place that I swore I'd never step foot into again.. Quick scan and off to the right I see "womens" there's gotta be a mens back there somewhere..

As I sprint past the cashier and make a right all I can think is.. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I hope there is nobody in there, because we are at Defcon 2 right now!!!" I kick open the door to the stall hard enough that even if there was somebody in there it would have broken the lock...

Now before I go any further I want you pudwhackers to know I'm swallowing a lot of dignity right now not only for your entertainment, but because I feel the general health warning not to eat at this fucking place is that important.

I RUN to the back of the stall, and good thing I got my jimmy shoes because I'd likely end up with another broken arm wearing flips.. I hit that toilet at full speed and.... I MADE IT!! Or so I thought.. As I slid on in, not even worrying about personal hygene at this point, the toilet seat moves as if it was sitting on a block of ice or perhaps on a cushion of that slick 50 soup I had earlier.. not sure which is slicker.

RELEASE THE HOUNDS!! There are explosions happening beneath me, the god damn seat is sliding around and I'm feeling like that cartoon monkey on the banana peel. Left! Right!! LEFT!!! OOOOHHH SHIT!! Off we go.

The only real justice to come out of all this is when I landed on my side along with the thud I heard a "SPLAT" on the wall behind me. So here I lie on the floor of the bathroom... In a chinese buffet no less wondering how many diseases I just caught that we don't even have names for in the states. So this is what the "low point" feels like.

I'm spooling the 80 grit out as fast as it will go, and I ponder if that eggdrop/slick 50 soup would cure the squeaky toilet paper roll holder. I'm sure it would. Somehow someway I managed to make it through this nightmare "somewhat" unscathed.. I'm cleaning up as best I can and Stacy is texting me "Where R U?" I'm trying to text her back, but I got bigger issues so the conversation is short.. She is laughing her ass off (for now...) in the booth at my misfortune, with the I told you so's..

I look at this scene and realize, this isn't a job for toilet paper.. They are gonna need some industrial shit to clean this up. Point in fact might just want to burn this part of the building down, so I roll out of there, calm and collected like nothing happened. Grab the wife and baby and we begin our journey home. (Oh no it's not over yet.. We are gonna sacrifice some of the wife's dignity here too)

We are in the car and she is laughing hysterically and what just transpired. We make it to the edge of the parking lot and all of a sudden "The Look." Who's laughing now? She starts gagging, and it's pretty self evident she's gonna puke. In between her laughing and gagging she's motioning for me to pull over.. Which I do 3 more times.. Now there are tears.

She's gagging and saying "I'm gonna pee if I throw up." We pull over several times and she's kinda coughing up some shit that might be some of that mystery meat I dunno, but not really throwing up. We make it all the way to the driveway and she's scrambling, but eventually succumbs as well.

Grabs one of Baby Sierra's sweatshirts and proceeds to puke in it, and much to my satisfaction for laughing at me the whole time, pee'd herself..


So here's what I would say.. Don't eat at the China Buffet by the London Bridge.. Unless you have some guests you really don't like. If you don't like them, let em fill up on dog meat, then suggest some 30wt, better known as Egg Drop Soup. When they are done go next door to Del Taco and you'll be better off.

After the shower, I literally felt like something Toxic was still inside me and I had to sleep it off for a couple of hours. Which was the reason for the delay.

Long story short I didn't shit myself.. but I spackled.. scratch that painted there bathroom, and that my friends is justice.

RD

 

[Ultracrazy]

Holy shit.......

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[RiverDave]

Holy shit.......

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Trust me when I say there was nothing Holy about it.. LOL

RD

 

[Ultracrazy]

Trust me when I say there was nothing Holy about it.. LOL

RD

But you were praying it would stop

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[hallett21]

OMFG im laughing my ass off right now. Sorry dave that you had to go through that, but that has to be the best bad food story ever lol. This is different than the japanese grill/cuisine place next to the london bridge resort and Mcdonalds right? Just ate at that place and it was pretty good.

 

[RiverDave]

OMFG im laughing my ass off right now. Sorry dave that you had to go through that, but that has to be the best bad food story ever lol. This is different than the japanese grill/cuisine place next to the london bridge resort and Mcdonalds right? Just ate at that place and it was pretty good.

Next to del taco and in n out..

 

[shintoooo]

This is hands down THE FUNNIEST thing I have ever read in any forum.

LMFAO

 

[hallett21]

Next to del taco and in n out..

o that place..... ya thank you for confirming my doubts

 

[RiverDave]

Figured I'd at least share my "fortune" from the cookie (and no I didn't eat it)

A good memory is fine but the ability to forget is the one true test of greatness.

Fairly sure I'm never gonna forget what happened tonight..

RD

 

[Weekend Therapy]

Dave this is the funniest shit I've ever read! I was literally crying I was laughing so hard!

I've had a similar experience and I don't know what those Chinese places put in that shit, but its like ingesting toxic waste!

Gonna take a few days to get regular after that one! Lol

 

[havasu5150]

Shhhh don't tell anyone.Best kept secret in town.Atleast last time I dined there

Went to Crystals twice,

the first time it was some of the best food and service I've had in Havasu, the second time it was some of the worst food and service I've had in Havasu

 

[460]

Bwaaaaaaa hahahahaha. At any point did you think to yourself, this stuff is going to fuck me up later?

Did u feel lighter on your feet when you were walking out of there?

Lmfao

 

[Stainless]

Thanks for sharing Dave


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[Phebus]

Dave, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I can't believe you ate at that place.

 

[Outdrive1]

Lol, Dave has more funny stories that end with the term blowing mud, than anyone I've ever met. Poor bastard loves to eat, but has some form of ibs. If you guys new how many river trips centered around making it to a toilet............

 

[ductape1000]

Wow! What a review. Sorry to hear about that experience.

Dave, you sure have a way with words!!

 

[460]

I wonder what the next person in that bathroom thought.

 

[TomD]

WOW!!!! Left , Right!!!! LOL!!!!!! Too funny Dave!!!!

 

[boatnam2]

Fairly sure I'm never gonna forget what happened tonight..

No you wont, i had something similar happen while golfing with work buddies 17 years ago and they still bring it up to this day..Got a hold of a bad hotdog at the snack bar and shit my pants pretty bad on the 7th fairway at dominguez hills GC, I had to drop trowel and run bare balls all the way to the ball washer to steal the rag hanging there to deal with had just happened never really taking the time to look and see the 2 ladies on the tee box on the next hole...I finished out the round, shot a pretty good score and shit my pants again about the 15th hole all in all a pretty good day and a great memory.

 

[Dan Lorenze]

This is hands down THE FUNNIEST thing I have ever read in any forum.

LMFAO

X2. Excellent work Johnson!

 

[Riverbound]

Maybe you should stop eating Havasu food

 

[dezertrider]

If you spent as much time selling oil as eating you would be rich. :skull

 

[River911]

Thats fucking disgusting. I hope you cleaned under the toilet seat :skull

 

[460]

At least if he gets a funny bump and a rash he will know what it's from.

 

[PVHCA]

Funniest part of the whole story was the one word, "Sprinted", LMAO!!!

 

[Riverbound]

If you spent as much time selling oil as eating you would be rich. :skull

Lol.

 

[Skankersore]

Some people like to loosen the lids on salt shakers, I like to remove the fasteners to toilet seats.

You're welcome, Dave

 

[River911]

Some people like to loosen the lids on salt shakers, I like to remove the fasteners to toilet seats.

You're welcome, Dave

Do you wear latex gloves when you so it?

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[Skankersore]

Do you wear latex gloves when you so it?

No, I lick the toilet seat first to prevent the germs from getting on my hands

 

[OutCole'd]

Awesome story Dave!! Shrimp tails in the chicken should have been the big red flag!!

 

[RVRKID]

HAHAHA that is a great story!! Can't say I haven't experienced before but don't want to jack your thread.

 

[460]

No, I lick the toilet seat first to prevent the germs from getting on my hands

That is just fucking wrong.

Lmao

 

[Phebus]

Great to see you back Skankersore!!!!!

 

[YoPengo]

Great to see you back Skankersore!!!!!

X2

Great read Dave. I've never set foot in the place... and never will.

 

[RVR SWPR]

This brings up a serious concern,in this economy is it possible that uneaten food comes back out of the kitchen a 2nd time?Like Bacon ends up on a salad,french fries.How else would shrimp end up in chicken,wtf.

 

[RVR SWPR]

X2

Great read Dave. I've never set foot in the place... and never will.

They might as well close after this,lmao

 

[River911]

No, I lick the toilet seat first to prevent the germs from getting on my hands

Nice

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