Old Saying’s…..😎

[Thing One]

My Dad about a fat girl, “ if she had to haul ass, it would take two trips”….

 

[Thing One]

Shit or get off the pot….

 

[snowhammer]

Handier than a pocket on a shirt

Does a duck with a boner drag seaweed?

I'm doing so good I'd pay a dollar for a headache.

 

[bilz]

A great mentor and friend I worked with would say:
Shit or get off the pot

Shittin' in high cotton

Me and my friends:
Fits in my pocket you better lock it.
Fits in my truck, what the f...

A good friend that passed.

98 in the city, 105 in the pussy

 

[arch stanton]

The motto at a automotive repair shop i worked at

Beat on it until it fits paint it to match

 

[EarpRider]

Red on the head like a noodle on a poodle!

 

[WYRD]

“Better than it was”
“Good enough for the girls we go out with”

It's going to look great from my house

 

[sonicss31]

Guy at work used to say, If this place was a submarine it would have screen doors.

 

[WYRD]

Toilet humor

Going to Browntown
Taking the Cleveland Browns to the Super Bowl
I'm touching cotton here
Crowning like a woman in labor
Shit it and get it
Dropping the kids off at the pool

 

[WYRD]

Anytime somebody drops something.. just set that there for now

 

[FreeBird236]

At the water district, anytime things weren't going the best on a repair, everyone would say, I got water at my house.

 

[HNL2LHC]

That went over like a turd in a punchbowl

And when working questioning the quality of a completed job…
”can’t see it from my house“

 

[Your ad here]

I wouldn't piss in his ear if his brain was on fire.

 

[Eliminator21vdrive]

Dumber than a box of rocks
It was used too much when it was new
Could eat the north bound end of a south bound skunk
Off like a prom dress
Tighter than a nuns cunt
Stiffer than a honeymoon dick
Fine as frogs fur

If your brain was fuel it couldn't power a piss ant's motorcycle to ride around the inside of a Cheerio!

 

[OC Mike]

Sharp as a Marble.
Couldn't make wages falling down a mine shaft at a dollar a foot
Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest
Don't drink more than you can sweat because we don't have time to pee
Fired 2, hired 2, the 2 I hired are worse than the 2 fired, now what do I do

 

[snowhammer]

Hiring you was like getting rid of my two best guys.

 

[Dr Rob]

Toilet humor

Going to Browntown
Taking the Cleveland Browns to the Super Bowl
I'm touching cotton here
Crowning like a woman in labor
Shit it and get it
Dropping the kids off at the pool

Prairie doggin

 

[fat rat]

Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

 

[TexasJet]

"It is what it is". I've never understood that one.

 

[FreeBird236]

"It is what it is". I've never understood that one.

I always say that when there's nothing you can do about something, so why worry about it.

 

[MV Mike]

Dont sweat the Petty
Pet the Sweaty.

 

[jetboatperformance]

"I'd drag my D*ck thru a mile of broken glass to hear her fart on the phone"

Your dogs so ugly you should shave his ass and make him walk backwards

 

[76 Hondo]

When asked “ How you doing” if it was going any better I’d slash my other wrist!

A couple from a Buddy,
Asked a girl if she wanted to fool around… would you sit still while I do?

Asked a waitress do you fuck around? She got a little smile going, hey well while you’re fucking around go get us some more coffee!

My Dad, boy you don’t have the brains God gave a goose!

 

[Dr Rob]

When asked “ How you doing” if it was going any better I’d slash my other wrist!

A couple from a Buddy,
Asked a girl if she wanted to fool around… would you sit still while I do?

Asked a waitress do you fuck around? She got a little smile going, hey well while you’re fucking around go get us some more coffee!

My Dad, boy you don’t have the brains God gave a goose!

When you hear a wet fart and tell them " that's gonna itch when it dries."

 

[stephenkatsea]

She was built like a Brick Shit House. Surprisingly, a compliment

You might not be the dumbest guy in the world . . But, you better hope he doesn't die.

 

[Ryan00TJ]

When asked how a job or task is coming along......... "I'm stormin' the gates of hell with a squirtgun".

When someone is acting up........ "He's acting like he just stepped of Willie Nelson's tour bus".

 

[500bbc]

"I'd drag my D*ck thru a mile of broken glass to hear her fart on the phone"

Your dogs so ugly you should shave his ass and make him walk backwards

I'd crawl 5 miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jack off in her shadow...

 

[Rayson1971]

Kill one bird with two stones. Always gets my wife. It's amazing the amount of people that don't catch it. You can tell who listens.

 

[JJ McClure]

Slackers.

I'd crawl 5 miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jack off in her shadow...

 

[76 Hondo]

Slackers.



View attachment 1313501

Not again! Ritchey! They’re new members here and old fart that might have forgotten

 

[Your ad here]

Might as well pick a place for your mailbox.
More excuses than a pregnant nun.

 

[mash on it]

Kill one bird with two stones. Always gets my wife. It's amazing the amount of people that don't catch it. You can tell who listens.

Or stone 2 birds with one hit.

Dan'l

 

[Ragged Edge]

Thats about as useful as a fart in a space suit.
Good enough for government work.

 

[73beast]

Another one when i wanted something,he would say"People in hell want ice water".

 

[Todd Mohr]

I gotta pee like 10 big dogs

 

[Luv2gofast]

The way i feel about the crime spree going on now...My dad "They should throw his ass so far back in jail they'd have to shoot peas to him with a 30-06!"

Lots of great ones here! Fun reading!

 

[BabyRay]

Tell my dad i would want something he would say,"Want in one hand shit in the other one,see which one fills up faster"

That was my mother’s saying, except the exact quote was, “wish in one hand, and shit in the other.”

 

[traquer]

- If you like it I love it (I I think it's the quickest and classiest way to agree to disagree with someone)

- Life's hard, it's even harder when you're stupid

- All I wanna see is elbows and assholes

I also loved those shops in signs that say something like $100/hr, $150 if you watch us working, $200 if you've worked on it already yourself

 

[Your ad here]

I wouldn't fuck her with your dick.
They can't think past the tip of their dick.

 

[LazyLavey]

Me...Dad, we need a boat....

Dad.. You got a mouse in your pocket?

 

[poncho]

Intelligence been chasing you your whole life, so far your faster.

 

[X Hoser]

A tile contractor once told me “the bad taste of of poor job will linger in your mouth longer than the bad taste of an expensive job”.

My mom always says “a good lesson is better than good advice"

One of my favorites “ if canaries carried shotguns, cats wouldn’t fuck with them”.

 

[X Hoser]

And my dad always used to say “ Your kids will learn more from your actions than our words”.

 

[LHC Kirby]

Seeing a friend naked.. boy, you’re hung like a hamster!

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?

 

[boatnam2]

Red on the head like a noodle on a poodle!

My Dad use to tell my redheaded buddy when we were teenagers...I would rather dead and tied to a log than be red on the head like a dick on a dog!

 

[endobear]

Construction..
Are you Australian?
No. Why? Because you sure as fuck look like your on Walk About

 

[Riverfamlee]

Dude at work used say these two all the time:

“We can’t keep throwing mud against the wall and call it stucco”

“They keep sending me dogs with fleas”

 

[TPC]

It was busier than Nickel night at the brothel.

 

[TPC]

Free advise is worth what you paid for it

 

[TPC]

Ya pay peanuts, ya get monkeys.