The complete list of what's gay in boating....

[Rivertoys]

THANK YOU!!! Looking forward to things getting a lot better out on the water now we have this very helpful guide to hetro-boating. :thumbsup

 

[Riverbound]

A compilation of your complaints into a helpful boating guide by RDP members,

A Boaters Handbook, a Guide to Fitting In

So you're thinking of getting into boating? Or, you already have but think you're doing it wrong? Do not worry my friend. An experienced group of boaters that represent River Dave's Place were kind enough to assemble a highly classified list of unspoken rules in the boating community. Until now, these rules have been kept hush-hush and were most likely the butt of many jokes, perhaps aimed directly at you. Fret not my fellow waterway fun seeker, just stick to these guidelines and you can easily redeem yourself and possibly become a respected boater.

Boating is much more than just water and a boat. It's a lifestyle. To get started in the right direction it is important that we shake off any visual effects that could land you in a launch ramp skirmish. The boating community has overwhelmingly agreed on the message that you may be sending if you are found to be wearing Ugg boots and shorts. As a man, this is simply not acceptable, no matter how comfortable those boots are. To elaborate on footwear, any type of sock wearing with any type of sandal is strictly prohibited. Socks and flip-flops just don't cut it. Don't think you have an escape route to your sock-sandal wearing fetish, cause Mandals or Tevas are off the table too. Don't even think about water socks, no matter how functional they may seem.

Eyewear is equally crucial. White sunglasses otherwise known as Orange County Bukake Goggles should be avoided at all times. It's been proven that steering clear of such eye wear increases your chances of attracting a mate of the opposite sex by over 98 percent.

To the Lady friends on the scene, although it has been disputed by some that one piece bathing suits should not be acceptable, we have recently been given visual proof by a fellow board member that a one piece bathing suit is more than acceptable and in some cases surpasses the originally desired two piece bathing suit design. Of course, with the full support of new and veteran members, we support the right to optional clothing.

I know what you're thinking, there sure is a lot more to this boating stuff than just buying a boat. I know, I know, just bare with us and take it all in. Much like Chet Ripley's taking down of the Ole' 96'r, there's a lot to digest here. Even with the criticalness of the visual aspects, we still get a rogue member here and there wanting to buck the system. In a recent post, one member proudly said that "I got balls enough to walk the channel in a G string made of a black tube sock and the raw hyde string off my old work boot".

Let's get on to the good stuff, buying a boat. Current boaters shouldn't feel above reviewing this section, you may learn something. First things first, avoid purchasing any boat that is carried by a triple axle trailer unless said boat exceeds 28 feet. On anything smaller, the third axle is just not necessary. That type of situation will only be viewed by potential mates of the opposite sex as a personal shortall. Avoid any type of production boat. The price may tempt you, but don't do it. Avoid any boat that has a trailer with boat guides. If the boat is too good to pass up, but the trailer is equipped with guides, you'll want to find the first welding shop you drive by and have them cut off before anyone sees you. Once you find your diamond in the rough, an engine start up is a must. For the more exotic buyers, potentially purchasing a boat with a supercharged engine, make absolutely sure there is no blower surge. This is frowned upon by many including the supreme leader of RDP. There's simply no reason for it, and if you think it's cool, we may need to be having a different discussion. Open bow Schiada's, boats with keel guards and Teal gelcoat should also be avoided.

If you're in the market for a Jet Ski or a Seadoo, I must apologize up front, there is simply no hope for you as a boater. You will inadvertently become part of "that" clan and become a massive frustration for normal boaters. Your future ability to follow boats too closely, stir up calm waters in quite coves, blindly cut in front of high speed boats, and ride up on the asses of water skiers will be so finely tuned, you'll officially be hated by boaters everywhere. Hopefully you're not going to launch that ski with your Prius, cause that's not gonna go so well at Site 6 after a few ice chests of beer have been drinken.

Whatever your budget, the old saying there's a seat for every ass will eventually prove true. You'll find your new boat. To avoid having jokes made behind your back, it's important that you use your boat more than once a year.

Now that you're a boater, you're going to be out in the sun, soaking up the rays and enjoying nature. Sunscreen is very important. Note, it's not important enough to have a fellow boater of the same sex rub you down with it (unless you're a female). Just don't go there. If you are not in the company of a lady friend to apply your sunscreen in those hard to reach areas, buy a can of spray on sunscreen. Two guys with a bottle of rubbing lotion is not exactly what I'd consider any type of mating ritual in which the end result is to potentially attract a mate of the opposite sex.

Let's get that new boat launched. You're about to begin a new endeavor of extreme common sense. If you are unaware of how to back up a trailer, now is not the time to practice. You will only draw extreme attention and frustration from fellow boaters. Add a pair of Orange County Bukake Goggles or a pair of Ugg boats to your situation and things can potentially turn violent towards you real quick. There's thousands of empty parking lots for you to practice your new necessity to properly launch your boat. Once you learn, it is a good idea to teach your wife of girlfriend. Trust me, even though Tammy Wynett said it best when she sang, "stand by your man", your significant other would rather not suffer the embarrassment of your inability to do such a basic function that every man should know how to do.

Before you even attempt to launch your new boat, make sure you have a tow vehicle capable of launching properly. Having to ask to get towed off the launch ramp without special circumstances, will most likely result in people thinking you're a complete D-bag. You'll also be viewed as a total D-bag if you don't have your program together before you decide to occupy a valuable space on the launch ramp. Again, back to good old basic common sense, have your shit prepared before getting on the launch ramp. Being as inexperienced as you probably are, it would be a good idea to go to the lake on a non-busy day to practice your launching technique. It is important to start your boat before you remove it from the trailer, hell, you might as well give it a minute to warm up too. Anything you can do to make you look like you know what you're doing. Pushing your boat off the trailer and your boat not starting leaving you adrift in mayhem will certainly secure your seat at the table of D-bags. Be considerate when launching your boat. The dock is long enough for several boats, not for you to tie off right in the middle of the dock rendering it useless for any other boats. We may be on common sense overload by now, but try to stick it out.

If you manage to get your new boat into the water safely, you're about to experience what you've spent a small fortune to accomplish. It is very important not to ruin your situation now. When planning your trip, make sure you invite some female guests. No one wants to see a boat loaded down with sausage drinking CL's. Some boats are equipped with stereo systems. Sound systems can be a great way to add to your boating experience. Just remember, there's always someone with a louder stereo and we didn't come to the lake for a sound off competition. A constant blur of bottoming out cracked speakers just isn't cool. Know your place on the stereo food chain. If you're fortunate enough to be the big dog on the totem pole of stereos, don't think you're the shit. You can have a loud stereo with out acting like you're affiliated with the B.S.C. (black sock crew).

As you drive your boat, there are many common rules on the waterway, but one important thing that is not written in any rule book, is to not turn your boat at any time with your palm up. It simply doesn't look right and is not accepted by the RDP members. After your successful boat launch, don't ruin it by driving your boat with your fenders hanging out. Put that shit away, it looks ridiculous flopping around on the side of your boat. If you're in a no wake zone, it means no wake. Not, no wake for them but it's ok for me to have a wake. Don't be the guy who thinks he owns the marina. That guy isn't cool no matter how much he thinks he is. If you have invited guests on your new boat, insists that they put away all books and cell phones. This is a supposed to be a boating event, not a library. Urge them to drink too much and get crazy. Now that you're a boater, it's your job to be a hater on Jet Ski's and Seadoo's. Especially when you see two dudes on a Seadoo. Much like the 2 hotdogs in a bun , it just doesn't look right.

While underway with your new program, as you think, hey, I'm actually fitting in with this crowd thanks to the Guide to boating by RDP members, remember that you don't own the water way. Watch out for other boats, give people space. No one wants you climbing up their ass, that's why these guidelines exist. If you are fortunate enough to have a high powered speed boat, that does not give you the right to endanger others because you are most likely clueless. Use common sense. If you insist on passing another boater at 100 miles per hour, how bout you give them a wide berth? When your toy is broken, it's probably going to be that other boater you blew by at close range you'll be asking to please tow you in.

Be on the lookout for rental boats. These folks have zero skin in the game. They paid $250.00 to rent a shit box boat for a few hours and they have everything to gain and nothing to lose. They'll be dangerous and have no clue to any written or unwritten rules of boating. If they go north, you should go south.

The time will come when you'd like to beach your keel guard-less boat and relax on the sandy beach for a while. This is the only time it will be acceptable for you to raise your bimini top. Avoid parking next to any piece of shit boat, rental boat, or tower boat. This would only lead to extreme frustration, it may come from the blasting rap music, or possibly them allowing their boat to hit yours because they're too lazy to tie it off properly. Either way, the lake draws a lot of scum and it's not just in the water. When you finally settle into a good spot, be very cautious with anyone wearing black socks approaching you for a conversation. Most likely that conversation will only contain crap talking about how much better their boat is than yours. Unfortunately, B.W.A. (boaters with attitude) are everywhere. Rap music blasting from a vehicle on the launch ramp is another tell-tale sign of someone with B.W.A. If you decide to take a swim, wearing a life vest as a diaper should be avoided.

No one loves a dog jumping and swimming in the water more than their owner. Pretty simple, keep your dog on a leash. No one else thinks it's cute. If you choose to bring along mans best friend, be it's friend and pick up the mess it leaves behind. Pretty simple.
Pick up your trash or you are the trash. Again, quite simple.

As your day winds down and your find yourself back at the launch ramp, please remember there are several others who need to use that launch ramp. Now is not the time to stop in the middle of the launch ramp to wipe your boat off. Pull off to the side and get the hell out of the way. Don't blare your rap music while you're wiping your boat down. If you followed the rules outlined above, you would have just had a great day on the water, don't ruin it now.

Now that your day has ended and you've successfully acted like a respectful boater, be sure to avoid confrontation with anyone violating the above rules that can kick your ass. That will immediately put you at or under their level.

This needs to be put on the front page!!

 

[H20-ski]

This needs to be put on the front page!!

That was done very well.

Publish it. :thumbsup

 

[DeltaSigBoater]

A compilation of your complaints into a helpful boating guide by RDP members,

A Boaters Handbook, a Guide to Fitting In

This should be part of the Agreement to "Terms & Conditions" when signing up :thumbsup

 

[ductape1000]

Tribal graphics on your new pontoon are gay.

 

[Joker]

Tribal graphics on your new pontoon are gay.

That's gayer than a bayliner. :thumbup:

 

[Yellowboat]

That's gayer than a bayliner. :thumbup:

But not a bayliner with tribal graphics

 

[Wicky]

Burning more than 20 gallons of fuel on the water during the weekend. Yep GAY

Outboards rule........

All those car mota boats don't burn more than 20 gallons in a weekend. They just cruise to the channel for the "park and blab" while drinking their wine coolers.

Outboards rule!

 

[Boschma]

Tribal graphics on your new pontoon are gay.

[video=youtube;DVafzGiap4Y]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVafzGiap4Y&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/video]

 

[Boschma]

I'd love to see those rules acted out in a '50-'60s style PSA movie
With the cheesy whistling music:thumbsup

 

[FreeBird236]

1. Jester hats, unless you're in Louisiana
2. Headbands with hair:rolleyes
3. Pasties on guys:thumbsdown
4. Diapers on guysuke:


Sorry I'm not giving up my Tevas.

 

[stokerwhore]

Burning more than 20 gallons of fuel on the water during the weekend. Yep GAY

Outboards rule........

not burning at least 20 gal of fuel per day is gay. also see trailer queen.:rules

 

[overdue]

1. Crashing you DCB and suing the boat in front of you ---- gay
2. Stripping your boat then giving it back to the bank ---- gay
3. Spinning out your DCB in the reeds ---- Ill let you all decide that one

 

[stokerwhore]

1. Crashing you DCB and suing the boat in front of you ---- gay
2. Stripping your boat then giving it back to the bank ---- gay
3. Spinning out your DCB in the reeds ---- Ill let you all decide that one

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

 

[TPC]

That keel guard thread got me thinking, we really need a complete list of what's gay for the reference section of this fine website....

Things that are gay in boating, in no special order...

I'll start you off with a couple things I've heard over the years are gay....

>
> One piece bathing suits on chicks
>

OK, continue.... :skull

Gay would be NOT liking it:

If you ever have a direct drive boat you'll soon understand why you need guide poles on the trailer.

 

[Rivertoys]

If you ever have a direct drive boat you'll soon understand why you need guide poles on the trailer.

Yes, like a V-Drive too.... we already went over that.....

 

[Mini Kat]

not burning at least 20 gal of fuel per day is gay. also see trailer queen.:rules

Shit it would take me four full weekends of running the Mini Kat to burn 20 gal of fuel. And we all know it's always rolling.:boobeyes::boobeyes:

 

[jetboatmatt]

40 plus footers on 13miles of river gay!! Get on a lake and have some fun!

 

[RiverDave]

This needs to be put on the front page!!

I was joking about the triple's on a sub 28' boat!! :eek

1. Crashing you DCB and suing the boat in front of you ---- gay
2. Stripping your boat then giving it back to the bank ---- gay
3. Spinning out your DCB in the reeds ---- Ill let you all decide that one

Who did 1 & 2? Ok scratch that.. Who did 1? I know a lot of idiots that did 2.

RD

 

[Crazyhippy]

Who did 1 & 2? Ok scratch that.. Who did 1? I know a lot of idiots that did 2.

RD

The RD hat of the century photo...

 

[RiverDave]

The RD hat of the century photo...

No collision though..

RD

 

[Crazyhippy]

No collision though..

RD

Who said collision?

 

[Joker]

Tribal graphics on your new pontoon are gay.

Bump

 

[milkmoney]

Bump

Watch it.

 

[Rivertoys]

So you're saying I'm gay and maybe I should quit boating because I'm over 50 and don't appreciate young, disrespectful punks who pull in next to me blasting their foul mouthed garbage all over the lake? Lol, that's not going to happen! And if those self centered assholes have a problem with me nicely asking them to turn their shit down I have no problem putting their dicks in the dirt.

I'm only 43, but I agree completely....

 

[Bubblegoose1]

I'm only 43, but I agree completely....

I've got you by one year and COMPLETELY agree. Even up here in WA, we get the douche crews ruining the nice quiet Bay areas of Lake Washington.

 

[OGShocker]

I guess I will have to sell my seedoos , and wakeboard boat ,,,,hummmmmm NOT

That is up to you, "cocksucker".

j/k

 

[brgrcru]

552. any boat that has a closed engine hatch. oh shit ! that's all of you.

 

[SoCalZero]

Super gay.
Also people calling your v-drive a jet boat.

 

[H20-ski]

View attachment 321290
Super gay.
Also people calling your v-drive a jet boat.

Or vice versa.

 

[77charger]

Wakeboarding!
It was made for those who could not get up on a single ski.And of course jet boats

 

[SoCalZero]

Or vice versa.

Vice versa? You mean an outboard pulling a Prius right? I know you don't mean a jet boat being called a v-drive because that would be a compliment towards the jet boat.