In the dog house big time

[BHC Vic]

So anyone that knows me will tell you I’m a workaholic. I will do whatever it takes or whatever I’m asked. Working 80 hours a week at Disneyland to moving to Arizona to work in Vegas. Working mon-fri in Vegas and coming home to work in Buena Park Saturday. I finally got the position I wanted but now I have a lot of training to do in Vegas. First issue was I’ll be there Valentine’s Day. Ok not too big a deal we’ll make it work. That’s not what got me in the dog house. The other day I sent my wife my schedule and I’ll be in Vegas the week of the 28th. Her birthday is the first... now I’m in the dog house. So I started trying to figure something out. I told her I’ll fly her to Vegas that weekend and put her in a suite. I’m off Friday so we can spend fri sat sun in Vegas. This is where I need some help on where to stay. I’ve worked in Vegas but never really vacationed there. If that wasn’t bad enough yesterday at 4 I got an email I need to be at work today. Well.... my birthday was the 3rd and yesterday was my son Noah’s.... today is our birthday party. I’ll be at work. When I text my wife yesterday she told me not to even bother coming home. Talk about being in the dog house. I know I’ll get a half and half response. Some of you will say family first some of you will say you have a job to do. I see it as by me going to Work I am putting my family first. Not today but in the bigger picture. I don’t work so much because I like It. I do it because I want to give my kids everything I can. I know some of you will say it’s your time they want. But my time doesn’t pay for shit. It’s a tough one and I’m stressed out. Oh well I guess I’m just venting. It’s early and I have to go to work. Any help with Vegas though would be appreciated. It won’t get me out of the dog house but it’s not about that. I really want to do something nice for my wife.

 

[Hullbilly]

I’d recommend Mandarin Oriental if your are going all out!

As for work, I hear you. I travel a fair bit, I work all sorts of goofy hours, miss lots of holidays, birthdays and special days too. You have to do what needs to be done to provide for the family. Just remember they need your support too, sometimes you just need to tell the boss “No”. It’s a balancing act for sure, just remember those kids are only little once, life is short.

Good luck, and take a deep breath!

 

[BHC Vic]

Right after I posted this i opened my fb to see this. This is pretty rewarding and I guess I kind of needed something to cheer me up a little

 

[BHC Vic]

I’m going to take it as a sign. A sign that I’m doing ok and to just keep on trucking

 

[Gelcoater]

MGM suites are pretty nice.

As to your situation?
Your kids are only little once.

If I had a do over I'd of spent less time in someone's spray booth and more time with my kids while they were little.

Before you know what happened your kids will be grown up and you'll be wondering wtf just happened to the last 15 years.

 

[BHC Vic]

I missed elis birthday in sept because I had to work. It’s a shitty deal. If I hadn’t landed this job I’d still be living in bhc. I’m in a tough spot

 

[Hullbilly]

MGM suites are pretty nice.

As to your situation?
Your kids are only little once.

If I had a do over I'd of spent less time in someone's spray booth and more time with my kids while they were little.

Before you know what happened your kids will be grown up and you'll be wondering wtf just happened to the last 15 years.

To be old and wise, first you must be young and foolish.

Taken me about 20 years to figure that out! Taking the last transfer, time to slow down and take my own advice. (ok the wife’s advice)

 

[Hullbilly]

I missed elis birthday in sept because I had to work. It’s a shitty deal. If I hadn’t landed this job I’d still be living in bhc. I’m in a tough spot

You just took the promotion, it’ll be bumpy at first. Things should settle down, just don’t let them walk all over you. You know they have lives too, they’ll understand.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

 

[Bpracing1127]

You might not think it’s a big deal to miss a kids birthday but it’s huge to them! I think you will look back and regret this later

 

[Singleton]

For Vegas, Aria is a great hotel. Then take her to Gordon Ramsey Steak in the Paris hotel (must have reservations).

As to your work situation, I can only tell you to start saying no. When my dad retired he had his firm pay for all his kids to attend his retirement dinner. What did he say when he spoke “my only regret in life is working too much and not seeing my kids grow up and not spending more time with them”. You don’t get this time back with your kids, so try to balance it. I travel a ton for work and I know the only things I can’t miss are my kids birthdays. My wife does not mind missing her birthday or anniversary, but missing kids birthday and key events is a big no no.

 

[WildWilly]

Get off the strip....Red Rock....they have killer rooms, the place is big and loaded with everything and its out where you can get away for some nice scenery too. unless you are looking for the party, then my suggestion would be PH suite or Aria.

 

[TCHB]

So anyone that knows me will tell you I’m a workaholic. I will do whatever it takes or whatever I’m asked. Working 80 hours a week at Disneyland to moving to Arizona to work in Vegas. Working mon-fri in Vegas and coming home to work in Buena Park Saturday. I finally got the position I wanted but now I have a lot of training to do in Vegas. First issue was I’ll be there Valentine’s Day. Ok not too big a deal we’ll make it work. That’s not what got me in the dog house. The other day I sent my wife my schedule and I’ll be in Vegas the week of the 28th. Her birthday is the first... now I’m in the dog house. So I started trying to figure something out. I told her I’ll fly her to Vegas that weekend and put her in a suite. I’m off Friday so we can spend fri sat sun in Vegas. This is where I need some help on where to stay. I’ve worked in Vegas but never really vacationed there. If that wasn’t bad enough yesterday at 4 I got an email I need to be at work today. Well.... my birthday was the 3rd and yesterday was my son Noah’s.... today is our birthday party. I’ll be at work. When I text my wife yesterday she told me not to even bother coming home. Talk about being in the dog house. I know I’ll get a half and half response. Some of you will say family first some of you will say you have a job to do. I see it as by me going to Work I am putting my family first. Not today but in the bigger picture. I don’t work so much because I like It. I do it because I want to give my kids everything I can. I know some of you will say it’s your time they want. But my time doesn’t pay for shit. It’s a tough one and I’m stressed out. Oh well I guess I’m just venting. It’s early and I have to go to work. Any help with Vegas though would be appreciated. It won’t get me out of the dog house but it’s not about that. I really want to do something nice for my wife.

1. Take her to Michael Jackson 1 it is a great show and then out to dinner.

Some jobs require lots of time and that is the way it is. Keep being a great provider and doing the things that you do. Vegas special trip would be nice.

 

[bobbytheboozer]

Hooters hotel and casino is a really incredible place. Lol

 

[Cole Trickle]

It she is on board with the work program and your life trajectories are the same it will work out.

If you have bigger wants and professional goals it’s not going to work long term.[emoji20]

Do yourself a favor and read the writing on the wall if you are struggling relationship wise. Family and keeping your wife happy will pay off a ton more in the future than any raise and promotion if you are alone.

Good luck[emoji4]

Btw she doesn’t want a suite or first class plane ticket she wants to spend time with you and the kids.[emoji6]

 

[JBS]

It she is on board with the work program and your life trajectories are the same it will work out.

If you have bigger wants and professional goals it’s not going to work long term.[emoji20]

Do yourself a favor and read the writing on the wall if you are struggling relationship with use. Family and keeping your wife happy will pay off a ton more in the future than any raise and promotion if you are alone.

Good luck[emoji4]

Btw she doesn’t want a suite or first class plain ticket she wants to spend time with you and the kids.[emoji6]

This is great advice

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

IrocDave will be along soon to tell you to tell your wife to suck it up

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

It she is on board with the work program and your life trajectories are the same it will work out.

If you have bigger wants and professional goals it’s not going to work long term.[emoji20]

Do yourself a favor and read the writing on the wall if you are struggling relationship wise. Family and keeping your wife happy will pay off a ton more in the future than any raise and promotion if you are alone.

Good luck[emoji4]

Btw she doesn’t want a suite or first class plain ticket she wants to spend time with you and the kids.[emoji6]

This is good advice, but it sounds like had he not taken this job he wouldn’t be there at all. So while not an ideal schedule at the new gig, he is with family quite a bit more now. There is a balance though, and you have got to say no to work sometimes though.

 

[WhatExit?]

I don’t work so much because I like It. I do it because I want to give my kids everything I can. I know some of you will say it’s your time they want...I really want to do something nice for my wife.

If you want to "give (your) kids everything (you) can" and you "really want to do something nice for your wife" I suggest you be there for/with them.

At some point they will (have?) given up on expecting to see you and spend time with you. And you won't be able to fix that.

Time is the most precious thing we have and it's limited.

 

[SoCalDave]

^^^^this and what Cole T stated.
Life is to short to loose the time with family.

 

[BHC Vic]

Michelle is on board w my
Career 100% me being in bhc actually made our relationship a lot stronger. I just know I’m pushing it. To be fair I’m not missing the party today. I’m just not going to be able to help set up. Same as Eli in sept. I got there halfway through. For my birthday Tuesday Michelle and he boys surprised me and showed up w cupcakes for all the instructors and all my apprentices. Made my day. Part of why I feel so bad about the way things planned out w my schedule.

 

[Bobby V]

It she is on board with the work program and your life trajectories are the same it will work out.

If you have bigger wants and professional goals it’s not going to work long term.[emoji20]

Do yourself a favor and read the writing on the wall if you are struggling relationship wise. Family and keeping your wife happy will pay off a ton more in the future than any raise and promotion if you are alone.

Good luck[emoji4]

Btw she doesn’t want a suite or first class plane ticket she wants to spend time with you and the kids.[emoji6]

As far as the work program. Like me, Vic is in the construction industry. There is no "work program". Depending on the project is when we are allowed to start. We have over 20 guys working today and 4 of them have the 2pm -10pm shift. We just did 4 stages at Paramount Studios double shifts. The old 7am - 3:30 days have been over for years. And yes it does but a strain on our guys and their relationships. We try to pass the off hour work around evenly. I may even take the vette out today and check on one of my jobs...lol

 

[CarolynandBob]

Nobody ever died saying they wish they worked more.

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

Nobody ever died saying they wish they worked more.

Everyone however dies with the benefit of hindsight which we don’t have in the moment. People work to provide their family and kids with things they didn’t have.

River houses, boats, vacations, travel trailers, fancy birthday parties, just don’t appear out of thin air.

Again, there is a balance to be struck, and this is different for everyone.

 

[t&y]

Lol... Welcome to the real world. My oldest is 13... This was the first New Years I've had off in I don't know how long. Turns out the wife has some ritual with ballons and games that has been my kids normal New Years since as long as they all know. Was my first time experiencing it.

You gotta do what you gotta do to take care of the family. But don't be the guy that all the sudden goes... Damn, I wish I could have been around for my kids growning up. Sometimes the pay isn't worth the price.

 

[sirbob]

Its too late for you but...

We have a no big deal policy for birthdays at our house. When the kids were little and we were living in a neighborhood that seemed to set the standard for one upsmanship, we opted out of that BS. Nothing worse that being at a kids party and hearing the parents talking about how it didn't match up to Johnny's last week because they didn't have a traveling zoo brought to their condo.

Our deal now is, sometime around (because lots of conflicts / events can be on THE day of) the date of the actual birthday we as a family go out to dinner and the birthday person gets to choose where we go. Happy Birthday!

 

[DC-88]

As far as the work program. Like me, Vic is in the construction industry. There is no "work program". Depending on the project is when we are allowed to start. We have over 20 guys working today and 4 of them have the 2pm -10pm shift.

My .02 would be that if you want to get ahead by logging major hours while the kids are young start your own business and make some real money. Then all the guys working whether employees or subs are making YOU money. Timing of the next downturn in construction will hit perfectly to spend time with the kids coaching sports , spending family time etc. Wife keeps a job with the health insurance.

 

[nowski]

I'm a former workaholic, let me give you some advice. Your family is way more important than any job out there. You'll miss seeing your kids grow up for starters and not being there to support your wife doesn't help either. When your kids start school you'll need to be there for them every step of the way. You need to find a balance between work and family that gives more to the family. I know everyone's situation is different but life is really shorter than you think. Take a step back to re-evaluate your family and situation...

I'll bet you'll never see this on a tombstone, "I Wish I Worked More Overtime"...

 

[HOOTER SLED-]

Part of being a good father/husband is being there to spend time with them......just as much as it is providing for them by working.....find a balance. It ain't easy.

 

[BHC Vic]

I see it like this. Will my 2 year old or 4 year old remember I was a few hours late to their birthday when they
Are 20? Probably not. But will they remember all the trips to the lake house and rides on the 100k dollar boat Dad was able to get them by working his ass off. That’s kind of where I’m at.

 

[BHC Vic]

My dad just retired. Said the only thing he misses is the overtime.

 

[HOOTER SLED-]

I see it like this. Will my 2 year old or 4 year old remember I was a few hours late to their birthday when they
Are 20? Probably not. But will they remember all the trips to the lake house and rides on the 100k dollar boat Dad was able to get them by working his ass off. That’s kind of where I’m at.

By putting a 100k dolla figure on the boat/entertainment you provide for them sounds to me like YOUR more fixated with it. Lol.....kids don't give a fuck man. Take a damn 50 dolla paddle boat out and go fishing with them.....it's the moments that count.

 

[nowski]

Like I said everyone's situation is different. Although I was a workaholic the trade off, my wife was a stay at home mom for nine years. From then on my wife worked part time till just last year, she got her first full time job since we started a family. Let me help put that into perspective, our youngest (my daughter) just started college this last fall...

 

[nowski]

By putting a 100k dolla figure on the boat/entertainment you provide for them sounds to me like YOUR more fixated with it. Lol.....kids don't give a fuck man. Take a damn 50 dolla paddle boat out and go fishing with them.....it's the moments that count.

One of the things I spoke about at my moms eulogy were the many times we went fishing together. When writing her eulogy it dawned on me, there were plenty of times we didn't catch anything but what really mattered was the quality time we spent together...

 

[BHC Vic]

By putting a 100k dolla figure on the boat/entertainment you provide for them sounds to me like YOUR more fixated with it. Lol.....kids don't give a fuck man. Take a damn 50 dolla paddle boat out and go fishing with them.....it's the moments that count.

Let’s take away the boat. Lake house wasn’t free... dirt bikes the boys got weren’t free. The private school they go to isn’t cheap. Playing sports cost money. Let’s say I quit my job and go work at a warehouse. I’ll have weekends off. You think my boys and wife will be happier? Serious question. I don’t have an education so a well paying office job is out of the question.

 

[fmo24]

Not having kids myself all I can offer is what I have seen my brothers do. One worked second shift and his wife worked part time mornings. He got them ready and took them to school for years and his wife was home before he left and got the kids. No child care. Another brother works his ass off and his wife did part time child care in there home so she could be home for their kids. You do what you need to to raise your family as you see fit.
I kind of agree with Vic on the birthday deal as at this age they are so hyped about a party they will not miss dad for that bit of time. And lake time is probably way more focused on family than the few hours at some party.

 

[Ziggy]

Let’s take away the boat. Lake house wasn’t free... dirt bikes the boys got weren’t free. The private school they go to isn’t cheap. Playing sports cost money. Let’s say I quit my job and go work at a warehouse. I’ll have weekends off. You think my boys and wife will be happier? Serious question. I don’t have an education so a well paying office job is out of the question.

As younsters they may very well be happier with you around doing pretty much anything, once into their mid to latter teens they may not give two shits.
Money doesn't buy happiness, just shit you have to care for and hope no one else swipes from you.

 

[steak&lobster]

I see it like this. Will my 2 year old or 4 year old remember I was a few hours late to their birthday when they
Are 20? Probably not. But will they remember all the trips to the lake house and rides on the 100k dollar boat Dad was able to get them by working his ass off. That’s kind of where I’m at.

I worked ALOT of hours in the car biz and was not around for my then wife. We had a baby and one night my wife went to sleep and never woke up. I can tell you I now drop my son and pick him up everyday from school and never miss a baseball practice or game. I wouldn't have it any other way. . .

 

[4Waters]

My buddy worked 90-100hrs a week, one day he realized he missed his daughter growing up, he quit that job a little over a year ago to salvage the rest of her youth. She turns 17 in 2 months graduates high school next year and then off to college, not much time left for him to spend with her, kids grow up in the blink of an eye.

 

[BHC Vic]

I get what you guys are saying. I have to do a better job of balancing things. I always say things will slow down later and I’ll have the time later. Steak and lobsters post kind of hit me. I’m not promised a later and I can’t predict the future

 

[steak&lobster]

I get what you guys are saying. I have to do a better job of balancing things. I always say things will slow down later and I’ll have the time later. Steak and lobsters post kind of hit me. I’m not promised a later and I can’t predict the future

my situation is obviously rare but you are right, we are not promised anything.

 

[Waffles]

I see it like this. Will my 2 year old or 4 year old remember I was a few hours late to their birthday when they
Are 20? Probably not. But will they remember all the trips to the lake house and rides on the 100k dollar boat Dad was able to get them by working his ass off. That’s kind of where I’m at.

We're both the same age so I hope this puts it into perspective a bit. You think they won't remember the times you were late or what not.... But they will.

Not everything is guaranteed in life brotha. All that shit you just listed, it won't matter to your kids if you're dead. Your dad might be living comfortably retired without a worry in the world but what if you don't? Mine didn't. I lived the life you're trying to give your kids and the only thing I wish I had more of is time with my dad....pretty sure my mom feels the same way. He was an immigrant that came from nothing that built a mini empire for himself before dying at the age of 52 from cancer. I even remember him working two jobs and doing odds and ends shit for a while to provide and give us what HE didn't have growing up. No joke. I had my first race kart at 8 all while living in a two bed apartment in Stanton.

You know what I don't give a shit about now looking back? The cr125, the cr250, my first Tony Kart, the vw buggy, the goped, the Honda pilot etc etc.....

Work to live not live to work

Sent from my FRD-L14 using Tapatalk

 

[milkmoney]

Things don't slow down , I am 50 and working jus as many hours if not more and am still alone 90 % of the time.

It's called priorities , whatever is more important to ya.

Good luck [emoji202] [emoji4]

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

 

[havasujeeper]

When I hear you write the words:

When I text my wife yesterday she told me not to even bother coming home.

I think back to when I was happily married and also heard that sentence. We were divorced 2 years later, after being married 30 years.

Just my 2 cents, take this serious because without family, you are nothing Vic!

 

[BHC Vic]

Cut out early... I’m going to my sons party

 

[Ziggy]

Cut out early... I’m going to my sons party

Atta boy

 

[PlumLoco]

From 1940 up until around 1985 my Grandfather leased 600 acres from the government halfway between Blythe and Parker. Over a mile of river frontage. Water was piped up from the river in pipes 3 ft. wide into irrigation ditches. We never even had to walk down to the river, it came to us. We had miles of "lazy river" to float in. My parents would pull me around in a wagon as I was too young to walk in the beginning. We slept in a trailer 50 ft. long, 4 seperate bedrooms, bathroom with a washer and dryer in it. I didn't recognize at the time my Grandparents were pretty well off, but I do know that I spent most of every summer at the river having a great time. By 1970 the ranch pretty much ran itself and so my Grandparents didn't leave Long Beach as much.
Then in 1975 my Father (at my Mother's urging I'm sure) bought a used 18' Horizon 350/Berkley jet boat, in a partnership with his secretary's family. Neither of my parent can swim enough to dogpaddle, but they knew they wanted to have family time together. Dad couldn't turn a wrench either but Art was a master mechanic so keeping the boat maintained was easy. Even after a storm caused a cottonwood tree to crush the trailer we continued to camp out of the back of Art's 65 Chevy pickup camper. At times as teens and 20 somethings there would be 8 or even 10 kids, and 2 sets of parents keeping one boat busy all damn day long. We had skunks in camp, we had tarantulas in camp, we had a toilet made out of a paint bucket, we slept through monsoons with 7 people in a tent. But I wouldn't trade those days for anything. Camping is very good for bonding I promise you.

Save that 100K for college funds, and set your sights a whole lot lower. My Dad would make every present at birthdays a treasure hunt. Handwritten, rhyming clues that we followed all over the house looking for our gifts. All of our friends over for a meal that we the lucky kids planned. Nothing fancy. That is what I remember and why, deep into our 50's, I think my sister and I are still saving those little notes that my parents would write us, just for us. Let your kids know you are thinking about them. Don't try to dazzle them with extravagance.

 

[4Waters]

Cut out early... I’m going to my sons party

Good for you bud, your kids and wife will appreciate it.

 

[Flying_Lavey]

If you never say no to work, they will always ask you for every little thing and then saying "ok" to you saying no will be less and less likely.. You need to establish your boundries time wise with work. Talk to your family and include them in the desicion as to what is important time wise to them. The more they are included the better off they will be when you cant make it to something. Obviously them being so young theyre gonna ask the moon of you time wise, but if you educate them as to what youre doing and why and that some sacrifices will be needed by everyone, it will help them understand and not be as hurt when something is missed.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

 

[PhyrMnGil]

Let’s take away the boat. Lake house wasn’t free... dirt bikes the boys got weren’t free. The private school they go to isn’t cheap. Playing sports cost money. Let’s say I quit my job and go work at a warehouse. I’ll have weekends off. You think my boys and wife will be happier? Serious question. I don’t have an education so a well paying office job is out of the question.

Hi Vic,
I haven't had the opportunity to meet you , you sound like a young man driven to prosper.
But what does that mean? Money and material things don't reflect success or contentment .
I would venture to say that yes, that your children would be just as happy with you being home on weekends..
I'm recently retired and as i spend more time with my grown children, its the simplest times that they remember most.
Not that we didn't have and do things. They grew up at the river, they didn't care if it was a crappy trailer that we fixed up just so we could have our own place, even though we could have bought something much grander. They didn't care that we cruised in a little 19ft jet boat, even though we could have had that bitchen Eliminator.
It's the time at the river with Mom and Dad that they remember. Now we're taking grandchildren for there memories to begin.
I've been in a similar situation with my career as far as time and commitment, i coached travelball, president of the softball league, private school. We all want the Best for our children . At the end of the day , they could care less about how money was spent or how much things cost. Its the fact that Mom and Dad were there.
Just my experience..
I wish you well, I'm sure you'll balance what's right for you..
sorry for the length, I did say i was retired now, lots of time on my hands... LOL

 

[AzGeo]

Wife and I made a deal in the early 1980's .

"Work like hell the first 50 years, and then play just as hard the second 50" .

It's working out fine so far ..............