Adult children

[Deja_Vu]

I sold my house once the youngest graduated college so I wouldn’t have any adult kids at home. It’s was tough to do, but they are much better off for that. All of my kids are working and supporting themselves with their partners now. It’s nice to have your money back and not be subsidizing.

 

[Ziggy]

Simply put, we as parents failed. Not in a literal sense but as in "I want my kids to have a better life than me". How were we supposed to know that providing a safe home, education and many of the toys(goodies) we ourselves craved as kids would spoil them to the point of a lackluster attitude. Parents stopped being parents and tried to be the kids' "buddies".
Yes, times change and generally the next generation is not like the last but there seems to have been a huge disconnect between the last few gens.
I truly blame the economy whereas these issues became prevalent once the average household required 2 incomes to survive/progress and day long parental guidance was no longer present in the home.

 

[Cole Trickle]

21 is still pretty young you have a chance if you get after it right now.

I'm a 2 choice guy my dad used it on me and I will use is on my son....I have been raising my kid for the real world since birth and at age 10 he is more capable than most 18 year olds I know.

Once you graduate you have 2 choices....Go to college/Trade School full time while working part time and I will take care of room and board. As soon as you drop below full time status no more room and board and you start paying a sizable amount of rent and bills. Stop going to college and you are out.

Be very careful....Lady that works for me has a 29 year old son that lives at home. Good kid babied his whole life video game nerd and has been working a $13 an hour job at Home Depot for the past 6 years. Nothing brewing no talk of leaving and she still has to wake him up everyday for work.....I have been telling her for 5 years to kick him out he will be better off but she says he can't afford it.....Of course he can't afford it if he is never forced to work harder or climb the corporate ladder.

I was out at age 20 lived in a shitty ghetto apartment with 3 of my friends eating Top Ramen and Taco Bell daily because that's all we could afford.....great times I wouldn't trade for anything.

 

[gqchris]

Pussy is what motivated me to move out at 17 years old.

But I have noticed that most kids these days dont chase pussy anymore. Its easier to login to Porn Hub and call an Uber after to go drink craft beers with their "boys".

I don't know. I'm 45 now and there are two goals still that motivate me daily. Eat and Bang Puss. lol in no specific order

 

[QC22]

I'm listening...24 yo with no motivation...too smart for college, does the exact minimum, no goals or aspirations.

This could've described me in 1977. I was 18, didn't graduate high school. My mom gave me 1 month to get a job if I wasn't going to college. Got a job. Then she gave me 6 months to move out. Did that with one day to spare.

I think the difference for me was that the job I got was a perfect fit. I didn't know it at the time, but I loved engines. Friend of mine worked the night shift at the Caterpillar dealer and he got me a yard boy job on days. Stayed there for 25 years. Started with sweeping floors, inside sales, outside sales, managed both parts and service and ended up traveling the globe selling alternative fuel engines. I never pursued a specific job with the company, I just showed up every day and did what I was told. I didn't ever want to make anybody mad at me, so I worked. I still think it's almost that simple with the side note that I lucked into something I loved.

Maybe the keys are, help find what he loves and push him that direction, kick out.

 

[brgrcru]

When I was 21 I was partying my ass off!!! Guess who was right by my side? My dad lol. Then 2008 hit I was unemployed living at home getting a government check for 30 months. At that time I played beer pong at a semi pro level and was getting paid for it cash under the table. I was also hustling side money at tournaments. I bounced from job to job after that for a while until I found my nitch. Then I still lived at home. One day at the river my dad said I couldn’t go with him anymore. I was soooo pissed as I was going to meet some chicks out there. From that point on I wanted my own boat so I got serious and about 4 years later i got it

Beer pong at semi pro level . WTF lol that's great . It's like the pro corn hole players . Who knew ?
That's a perfect job , for when I retire .
Wife " where you going" me " out to make a few bucks " lol

 

[hallett21]

How much does a “semi pro” beer pong player make?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Cole Trickle]

How much does a “semi pro” beer pong player make?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Enough to live at home and ride on dads boat...lol

 

[guest hs]

I have one son he is 19 he still lives at home. He graduated high school with good grades and has been working full time for the past two years. He has a nice truck and boat he is a great kid. My wife and I have been hard on him growing up but it has paid off. He doesn't pay rent but I don't give him money either. He does some chores around the house and is welcome to stay as long as he likes until he wants to get married. We did have a problem with him when we decided to let his girlfriend move in but she is gone now and everything is back to normal. He will be going the fire academy next year.

 

[Bpracing1127]

How much does a “semi pro” beer pong player make?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Well I got to stay in hotels for free when I played in Vegas and Laughlin and San Diego. I was sponsored by a company called pbp “pro beer pong”. If I won a tournament I got 500$ cash if I podiumed 100$. I got 50 bucks for wearing their shirts. And if I sold a table I got 100 bucks.

all in all I got paid to drink and have fun. I played in big tournament 2-3 times a month and played at the local watering hole (bowling ally) 2 times a week.

my best finish in the World Series of beer pong was 34th out of 800 teams world wide. I won 2500 bucks that year.

the full pros were sponsored by the beer companies. They were making 30-50k a year

 

[was thatguy]

My parents weren’t very involved when I reached teen years.
Dad had stopped doing DoD work and was in Corrections. But was running prisons away from home so was even more detached.
I didn’t mind, I ALWAYS knew it would be up to me. College was never a subject except for a brief flirtation with a football invite. Hell, I had quit HS for 2 full weeks before they even noticed! Was working full time at a restaurant. So, Dad said “$200 a month and you feed yourself”.
I had a better offer at $150 a month rent with buddies, and all the pot we could smoke. So I moved out at 17.

The same year 4 of us went to PC Florida and enrolled at a trade school. I took machine shop. At 17 I flew to Florida from Alaska and spent almost a year living in a pull along trailer on blocks with 3 buddies. My rent was $40 a month. I got $47 a week from Alaska unemployment. It worked out great! Totinos pizzas would go on sale at the local gas station on Thursday’s, Like 50 cents or whatever. I’d buy at least a dozen, depending on how much room I had in my 1/4 shelf space in the camper freezer.
For 9 months I rode my red line MX bicycle 7 miles one way every morning to shop class. Sometimes I’d get a ride home with a classmate but usually rode it back to the trailer at night. Got my GED that year as well.
I got zero money from my parents during that time. My Grandma in Ohio would send me $20 every time I wrote her a letter...I wrote her a lot!
Moved back to Alaska that spring, class cert in hand, and got hired by Bob Hayes at his race engine shop.
Was married, with kids, working full time by age 19-20.

Older sister is 60...She just back door’d mom and stole her house from her by manipulating FEMA money post earthquake. Mom didn’t contact me about it first, and sister strong armed her into signing the house over to her instead of going through the hassle of total rebuild (which it is getting).
So mom is now paying rent for a bottom floor of a single family house. I went there this summer, it’s not bad, but her house was totally paid off. Sister is now dead to me.

The point of all this is that you can not “make” kids into what you think they should be. They ARE their own selves. You can give them all the tools they need and they might still shit the bed. You can totally ignore their needs and they might excel because of it. You never know.

These long drawn out conditions I’ve read on here might work, but in a way it can be seen as hyper helicopter parenting too.
It’s up to the kids. Yeah, laziness is easy to breed, but you can not as easily instill ambition.

 

[QC22]

How much does a “semi pro” beer pong player make?

See here's a failure to launch example right in front of you all. The question should be: how much does a "Pro" beer pong player make? LMAO. That there is even a distinction cracks me up.

Edit: Reminds me of the movie Dodge Ball.

 

[TCHB]

I guess we got lucky. Both my daughters are professionals and very hard working. I think one of the biggest problems we face today is getting our young people educated in fields where they are needed. Engineers, all professional medical people, teachers, computer professionals, craft people and finance professionals. Way too many kids are not prepared for these tough fields at the university level or trade schools. I guess that would scare me if I thought about being a doctor and they told me it was going to cost me $500K.

 

[77hallett]

I do find this interesting. I don’t necessarily see it as an issue with the parenting, but just an issue with the individual. I had a shit work ethic growing up. Sports and house parties were life. However, the kid needs an ultimatum. Shit or get off the pot type. I left for basic 3 weeks after graduating high school. The military will set the kid in the right track. They will get paid, get life skills, and still hold their hand until they’ve been in for a bit and can prove they’re an adult and won’t hurt themselves or others. Hell, they give you free money for school, and a GI Bill on the backside. Take the kid to a recruiter and see what they have to say. I’m 27 and will be able to retire in just under 10 years with a paycheck the rest of my life upon other things.

Either way, good luck.

 

[Waffles]

Have you tried taking him to skid row?

 

[beaverretriever]

Get him to join the military, they will straight him out quick. lol

I went to college for a year right out of high school then decided it wasn't for me and I joined the military. When I got out I wasn't too much past 21 years old and I kind of went backwards for almost a year and had no idea what I wanted to do with life. The Army was an amazing experience for me, but when I got out my drive was so lackluster. Finally got moving again with my life after about 10 months and never looked back at my home town or such. Thanks to my parents kicking my butt to do something. haha.

 

[was thatguy]

I guess we got lucky. Both my daughters are professionals and very hard working. I think one of the biggest problems we face today is getting our young people educated in fields where they are needed. Engineers, all professional medical people, teachers, computer professionals, craft people and finance professionals. Way too many kids are not prepared for these tough fields at the university level or trade schools. I guess that would scare me if I thought about being a doctor and they told me it was going to cost me $500K.

When I watch some of the college campus videos where they ask students different questions about history or current affairs I am aghast at how stupid these kids can be.

Not all, of course, but an incredible amount of so called college students are outright imbeciles.

Congrats on your kids!
I’ve got 1 that is a drain if I allow it, even with her teaching degree (She is the oldest, and daddy’s girl though), one daughter that is doing fine with a degree and works in Parks and Rec, one boy that doesn’t know me (their brother) and is degreed up but rudderless and mamas boy at 28 YO according to his sister.
Debs kids are a contrast.
Val drives a Bentley and Jeffery lives in a cardboard box. Go figure.

 

[mjc]

Simply put, we as parents failed. Not in a literal sense but as in "I want my kids to have a better life than me". How were we supposed to know that providing a safe home, education and many of the toys(goodies) we ourselves craved as kids would spoil them to the point of a lackluster attitude. Parents stopped being parents and tried to be the kids' "buddies".
Yes, times change and generally the next generation is not like the last but there seems to have been a huge disconnect between the last few gens.
I truly blame the economy whereas these issues became prevalent once the average household required 2 incomes to survive/progress and day long parental guidance was no longer present in the home.

This is what scares me about my granddaughter. Mom is to much of a buddy not enough mom and dad.

 

[CLA]

I guess we got lucky. Both my daughters are professionals and very hard working. I think one of the biggest problems we face today is getting our young people educated in fields where they are needed. Engineers, all professional medical people, teachers, computer professionals, craft people and finance professionals. Way too many kids are not prepared for these tough fields at the university level or trade schools. I guess that would scare me if I thought about being a doctor and they told me it was going to cost me $500K.

This is a very common theme. The women are out doing the men on almost every level. Society is so far out of touch the boys can not succeed; or better yet it is just harder for them. In lots of ways the rolls have changed. IE: We teach our young boys that a fist fight is horrible but we teach our young daughters to be tough and take no shit.

 

[Cole Trickle]

I do find this interesting. I don’t necessarily see it as an issue with the parenting, but just an issue with the individual. I had a shit work ethic growing up. Sports and house parties were life. However, the kid needs an ultimatum. Shit or get off the pot type. I left for basic 3 weeks after graduating high school. The military will set the kid in the right track. They will get paid, get life skills, and still hold their hand until they’ve been in for a bit and can prove they’re an adult and won’t hurt themselves or others. Hell, they give you free money for school, and a GI Bill on the backside. Take the kid to a recruiter and see what they have to say. I’m 27 and will be able to retire in just under 10 years with a paycheck the rest of my life upon other things.

Either way, good luck.

I think the military is a smart choice for certain kids without options or for kids that know what there are signing up for and use it to there benefit....It can be a very smart play

One of my best friends step sons was basically a pile of shit from age 12-19. Worthless and living in Vegas running with the wrong crowds. He ended up joining the military and when he came home he was a 110% different person. He was now a man and did a complete about face and has been killing it ever since and my buddy and him now get along great. Started off with a great job for a large Hvac company in TN and after a year was hired by a huge government contractor to building bases over seas.....Kid is now 25 and straight killing it

 

[QC22]

The women are out doing the men

How is this bad?

 

[stephenkatsea]

Our 2 daughters are only 3 years different in age, but worlds apart. The oldest is definitely a big city girl. Lives in NYC. The younger is definitely a rural girl. Lives near Elko NV. Both are happily married with kids. The NYC daughter is a VP of Marketing for Morgan Stanley Chase. Our Elko daughter is an Oral Maxillary Surgical Assistant and Phlebotomist. Our youngest and her family love to fish, camp, hike, hunt, off-road etc. Our oldest and her family love to go to Fire Island, the Hamptons and Europe. We are extremely proud of each of our daughters. They are totally different, except for their very strong work ethics. And BTW, don’t get in their way. Guess we did something right. Sound like I'm bragging? Yep, you bet I am.

 

[TCHB]

This is a very common theme. The women are out doing the men on almost every level. Society is so far out of touch the boys can not succeed; or better yet it is just harder for them. In lots of ways the rolls have changed. IE: We teach our young boys that a fist fight is horrible but we teach our young daughters to be tough and take no shit.

My daughter graduated law school and 60% of them were women. Male drop out rate was much higher than women.

 

[TCHB]

Our 2 daughters are only 3 years different in age, but worlds apart. The oldest is definitely a big city girl. Lives in NYC. The younger is definitely a rural girl. Lives near Elko NV. Both are happily married with kids. The NYC daughter is a VP of Marketing for Morgan Stanley Chase. Our Elko daughter is an Oral Maxillary Surgical Assistant and Phlebotomist. Our youngest and her family love to fish, camp, hike, hunt, off-road etc. Our oldest and her family love to go to Fire Island, the Hamptons and Europe. We are extremely proud of each of our daughters. They are totally different, except for their very strong work ethics. And BTW, don’t get in their way. Guess we did something right. Sound like I'm bragging? Yep, you bet I am.

They got their hard work training from home!!!!!

 

[RiverDave]

Helicopter parents have dependent children. Divorce parents try to hurt each other through their children and fuck with their kids mental stability. Then we have a school system that tells our kids that they are racist if they try to achieve or have an opinion of anything. Sounds like a good plan for success to me.

Racist!

 

[TCHB]

I think the military is a smart choice for certain kids without options or for kids that know what there are signing up for and use it to there benefit....It can be a very smart play

One of my best friends step sons was basically a pile of shit from age 12-19. Worthless and living in Vegas running with the wrong crowds. He ended up joining the military and when he came home he was a 110% different person. He was now a man and did a complete about face and has been killing it ever since and my buddy and him now get along great. Started off with a great job for a large Hvac company in TN and after a year was hired by a huge government contractor to building bases over seas.....Kid is now 25 and straight killing it

It seems like the kids are not maturing today like the old days. They do not even want to drive. I really think the military is a great place for these kids to mature and help them step up for life.

 

[RiverDave]

On that note my oldest is eight and I’m gonna make her read this thread to her brother and sister.

 

[RiverDave]

It seems like the kids are not maturing today like the old days. They do not even want to drive. I really think the military is a great place for these kids to mature and help them step up for life.

It is the electronics.. it messes with their brains. (No I am not joking)

 

[checkrd past]

I’m about ready to lose my mind with our 21 year old child. Is this generation just that lazy and unmotivated or am I completely alone? He’s our middle kid and killing me with the lack of skills to function. What do we do?

TOO LATE

 

[nowski]

I'm sure there are plenty of success stories on this site. It all starts with young kids and parents willing to invest their time. There is very little luck involved, it's all about hard work, friendships and role models that are the keys to motivate a kid to success.

I have two incredible kids and an incredible wife that played a huge role in bringing up our kids. My wife was a stay at home mom for the first seven years of our kids life. She then took a part time job at the kids school and got to know all of the best teachers the school had to offer. I guess you can say my wife had some inside information (lol) that helped put our kids onto the road to success.

Today we're Proud Cal Poly Pomona Parents. Our son graduated with his Engineering Degree this past May and had two great job offers on the table in less than a week. One job local in Anaheim and the other in Goleta, he decided on the high rent district of Santa Barbara...

Our daughter is attending Cal St. Fullerton and she has twice the motivation that my son has. She works part time at the local school district but most importantly she has met some key role models and mentors. She's knows the value of meeting the right people in the work place while nurturing those connections / frienships, she's not just showing up to work. Tomorrow she's attending a fund raiser at the Loma Linda Medical Center to meet more role models and mentors...

 

[oldschool]

As a parent, you do your best raising them. Some go to Harvard and some go to prison.

 

[Cole Trickle]

It seems like the kids are not maturing today like the old days. They do not even want to drive. I really think the military is a great place for these kids to mature and help them step up for life.

There are a bunch of issues at work....

Parenting is a big one. Most kids are told by there parents that they are the best and a company is lucky to have them and that they deserve to be the president of a major corporation making millions with there shitty marketing degree from an average college that took 7 years to graduate.

Truth be told half of the kids in college are dumb shits and should be in other fields due to brain power or work ethic.....There is a reason there is ditch diggers and Doctors.

Also like Dave mentioned Technology has made kids lazy. Why hit the real world and risk embarrassment/Denial Socially when you can shut your blinds log into dungeons and dragons or social media and live a fantasy life rent free at age 28 in your parents 3000 sq foot house with free internet and a 50" flat screen on the wall.

 

[Wicky]

I’m about ready to lose my mind with our 21 year old child. Is this generation just that lazy and unmotivated or am I completely alone? He’s our middle kid and killing me with the lack of skills to function. What do we do?

Adult child with heroin habit was the beginning of the end of my marriage.

 

[riverroyal]

I guess we got lucky. Both my daughters are professionals and very hard working. I think one of the biggest problems we face today is getting our young people educated in fields where they are needed. Engineers, all professional medical people, teachers, computer professionals, craft people and finance professionals. Way too many kids are not prepared for these tough fields at the university level or trade schools. I guess that would scare me if I thought about being a doctor and they told me it was going to cost me $500K.

That’s not getting lucky. That doing it correct.
Choose your kids schools wisely. Starting at middle school. Kids spend more time with teachers and their friends than they do the parents. As a parent you have one part of their growth to being good adults. You CAN create the environments the are in during the critical learning ages.

In classes with slacker teachers and students, they all follow the path.

 

[jones performance]

 

[riverroyal]

My kids have technology in their rooms, TVs and games. They also go to school full time and work. No work, no transportation. No work no cell phone. They need to earn these luxuries, not handed to them.
Want new head phones? Figure out how to buy them.
Kids Spending paychecks on bullshit, then they have extra cash, ok now pay your car insurance or cell bill.
At some point the umbilical cord needs to be cut, that is where parents are failing

 

[JD D05]

When I was 20 years old I was working full time and living with my parents still. I told my mom I wanted a "chopper" that's when they were really popular. She said if you can afford that you can pay rent. Pissed me off so I built a new home lol.

 

[rivermobster]

He lives with us and goes to school 4 days a week. Doesn’t party, has very few friends and did work over the summer 3-4 days a week. There’s just no drive to make an effort to get anywhere. We’ve given him and our other 3 kids the choices listed by most of you. Our oldest son is 25 and works full time in Oregon, our girls are 18 and 19, both are sophomores in college. One at Cal Lu living on campus and the other in Oregon. I get the whole failure to launch thing. Military has been pushed pretty hard here and is the next thing if he doesn’t finish his classes. He’s the last one home and I’m ready to be kid less in the house. We’ve always told the kids they need to have their shit together by the time I’m 55 because we’re out of here and not taking anybody with us. Can’t wait for 2024!

I was gonna say a few things until i read this, but I'll say it anyway now...

I told my kids EARLY on, you can live here as long as you want, as long as you're going to school!

Mine are both in college and never home anyway. If they are home, they are usually doing homework. Both of em get good grades.

So I have to ask...

If your son is still in school, and not taking pottery classes, but working on a degree...

why is it bad that he's still at home??

 

[rmarion]

"The world needs ditch diggers also Danny"

 

[Meaney77]

Some great advice in this thread...

Its interesting to read everyones input, everyone and every kid is different. Also interesting to read how times have changed. For me personally I have been working and trying to make money since I was about 10 years old. I mowed lawns around the neighborhood, washed cars, and had paper routes all up until I was old enough to get a work permit and get a real job. My family was middle class- we weren't rich but we weren't poor. My parents did a good job of instilling a good work ethic into both me and my brother. We knew that if we wanted nice things you had to work for them and nothing was handed to you on a silver platter.

I know when I was 21, I was working a descent paying full time job, going to school at night and picking up side jobs when I could. I eventually quite school all together after realizing it wasn't for me (not sure that was the smartest idea in hindsight). Eventually picked up a second job in addition to my full time job and worked my butt off. I knew I wanted nice things and the only way to get those things was to work for them.

I bought my 1st and only house when I was 24. Along with the house came a new boat and a new truck and dirt bike.. I did it all on my own, I worked and worked and saved my money. Thats pretty unheard of these days with kids in that same age range- I am not sure what has changed from generation to generation but it seems like kids have a lack of drive all together and are kind of on standby waiting to be spoon fed from their parents.

 

[stephenkatsea]

Much like nowski my wife was also able to be a stay at home Mom. She also volunteered at their elementary school, knew the good and bad teachers and also the good and not so good kids. Knowing our kids' friends was all important. We took full care of our kid's educations. Pocket money was up to them. They took care of that need with part time jobs. Their career selections were 100% theirs. I fully understand higher education is not for every kid. Military and the trades are also excellent directions. Sitting around their parent's house is not.

 

[EmpirE231]

gotta have a life changing moment QUICK. (still has a little time @ 21 to change)

I started my business @ 19 and was a full time college student at the time.

I crack the whip on my kids daily! responsibilities, chores, grades, sports, behavior, manners, etc etc..... they are 7 & 10 yrs old. It is frickin' EXHAUSTING for me and my wife, but I've always been a believer in do the hard work now... because it only gets harder if you wait. Fingers crossed that this works in our favor down the road, but you never know what curve balls life will throw your way.

 

[Bear Down]

It is the electronics.. it messes with their brains. (No I am not joking)

AGREED! my 4 yr old is really good, maybe 1 hour of screen time a day... Most of the time she want to just play. I am tired when I get home, but the alternative is to have be on the IPAD while I sit and watch TV. its good for both of us. Shes at my hip and helps with my chores or plays while I work on the house or I read to her and play board games, having my wife being a stay at home helps a ton with having great kids, Hopefully it pays off.

 

[77hallett]

I think the military is a smart choice for certain kids without options or for kids that know what there are signing up for and use it to there benefit....It can be a very smart play

One of my best friends step sons was basically a pile of shit from age 12-19. Worthless and living in Vegas running with the wrong crowds. He ended up joining the military and when he came home he was a 110% different person. He was now a man and did a complete about face and has been killing it ever since and my buddy and him now get along great. Started off with a great job for a large Hvac company in TN and after a year was hired by a huge government contractor to building bases over seas.....Kid is now 25 and straight killing it

I could not agree more. There’s obviously a stigma prior to joining and even for those that are in that bitch about it. They just don’t know how to use their skills and knowledge to their benefit. Instead just wallow in their feelings and get out and become a bum again. Pretty badass for your friends step son! That’s the way to do it for sure!

 

[Mandelon]

We have two kids in their early 20's. Both are boomerang kids. They both left for college, and came back.

My daughter, the younger of the two, has a good job, got her Bachelors degree. She had moved out for school, then lived with a boyfriend. That ended and she came back to her room. She was looking to move and rent a room, but I suggested she stay for a year and save up to buy a house. When we downsize I can probably help with the down payment. She pays most of her own bills. I have her on the company cell phone plan. She used to show up at our renovation projects and she would paint and what not when she was a teenager. She now works for a Solar and Electric company as a project manager. Has benefits, 401K, etc. We're happy with that!

My son is supposed to be the smart one. Great SAT scores, but couldn't focus at college and came back home without finishing. Depression, suicidal thoughts. He is type 1 diabetic. Asthmatic too. Diabetics are 5x more likely to suffer from depression. He loves to read. Can talk about any topic. Has a lovely girlfriend. She's an engineer with a degree from Cal. He can be a little anti social sometimes. He has a good sense of humor too.

But damn, he is so lazy. Can't finish a project, hell he can hardly start a project. He wasn't parented that way...he was not "helicoptered," I never filled their heads with how they were winners and that bullshit. There's just something off in his head a little bit.

I can't kick him out, he would die without medical care. The military is not an option due to his conditions. He works for me part time, but can't do anything too physical because his blood sugar drops. It is difficult all around.

He has had jobs before. He showed up on time, never missed a shift and seemed to enjoy it. But since he came home from college we haven't seen any ambition. He took some real estate classes, so he said. I never saw the grades slips. I was planning to get him hooked up with a property management company. That's easy work and fairly interesting. But he can't seem to follow through with taking the final exam for one online class. I assume because that would remove the hurdles and he would have to get started on life.

I am just figuring I will have a special needs kid to look after. We are still holding out hope that his girlfriend will straighten him up.

The news this week is that he has applied to a few jobs. So I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that it works out.

I could easily set him up with a subcontracting business doing epoxy garage floors, or painting or tile, or some trade but he has zero interest in that. He has seen how hard I work and is not interested in following in my footsteps.

So I feel y'all here.

 

[SKIDMARC]

I was gonna say a few things until i read this, but I'll say it anyway now...

I told my kids EARLY on, you can live here as long as you want, as long as you're going to school!

Mine are both in college and never home anyway. If they are home, they are usually doing homework. Both of em get good grades.

So I have to ask...

If your son is still in school, and not taking pottery classes, but working on a degree...

why is it bad that he's still at home??

I agree, if he's going to school and not causing trouble why so bad he is still at home? Things could be so much worse.

Allot of members talking on here about there success stories at 18 or 21 years old and that's great but people are different. At 21 I had no idea what I wanted to be in life.

Parents are different, some parents give there kids the world and the kids are successful. And then there are kids who get everything and don't amount to nothing.Others parents don't have the means and the kids are still a success and some end up in prison

I think we need to realize all people are different. Not everyone reacts to the same treatments regardless of why type it is.

Times are different, kids are different. Look at the wold around us and you will understand things that worked 15-20 years ago aren't really relevant today.

I think for me what I really haven't read (Maybe I missed it) but why not have a conversation with him? Not a get your shit together or get out one but just a hey what do you want out of life? who do you want to be?

If he wants to work at home depot his whole life who is anyone to judge?

For allot of people happiness doesn't come with success. I know a multi millionaire who just sold his business and he is a miserable SOB.

We have had issues with my 9 years old son's behavior. I was pretty hard on him about it. But my wife has helped me realize ( Just recently I might add) that you need to try and understand the person not the behavior. What's going on? Why do they behave this way? Is something going on at school or in life? For my son it was the school part. Being bullied.

Like I said, have a conversation with him. You might be surprised what you hear. You might learn something about him you didn't know?

Just my 2 cents

 

[Mandelon]

Ya just can't shout someone into being successful. Everyone is different. Maturity comes slower to some.

 

[Cole Trickle]

We have two kids in their early 20's. Both are boomerang kids. They both left for college, and came back.

My daughter, the younger of the two, has a good job, got her Bachelors degree. She had moved out for school, then lived with a boyfriend. That ended and she came back to her room. She was looking to move and rent a room, but I suggested she stay for a year and save up to buy a house. When we downsize I can probably help with the down payment. She pays most of her own bills. I have her on the company cell phone plan. She used to show up at our renovation projects and she would paint and what not when she was a teenager. She now works for a Solar and Electric company as a project manager. Has benefits, 401K, etc. We're happy with that!

My son is supposed to be the smart one. Great SAT scores, but couldn't focus at college and came back home without finishing. Depression, suicidal thoughts. He is type 1 diabetic. Asthmatic too. Diabetics are 5x more likely to suffer from depression. He loves to read. Can talk about any topic. Has a lovely girlfriend. She's an engineer with a degree from Cal. He can be a little anti social sometimes. He has a good sense of humor too.

But damn, he is so lazy. Can't finish a project, hell he can hardly start a project. He wasn't parented that way...he was not "helicoptered," I never filled their heads with how they were winners and that bullshit. There's just something off in his head a little bit.

I can't kick him out, he would die without medical care. The military is not an option due to his conditions. He works for me part time, but can't do anything too physical because his blood sugar drops. It is difficult all around.

He has had jobs before. He showed up on time, never missed a shift and seemed to enjoy it. But since he came home from college we haven't seen any ambition. He took some real estate classes, so he said. I never saw the grades slips. I was planning to get him hooked up with a property management company. That's easy work and fairly interesting. But he can't seem to follow through with taking the final exam for one online class. I assume because that would remove the hurdles and he would have to get started on life.

I am just figuring I will have a special needs kid to look after. We are still holding out hope that his girlfriend will straighten him up.

The news this week is that he has applied to a few jobs. So I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that it works out.

I could easily set him up with a subcontracting business doing epoxy garage floors, or painting or tile, or some trade but he has zero interest in that. He has seen how hard I work and is not interested in following in my footsteps.

So I feel y'all here.

How old was he when diagnosed?

I'm not buying the I can't do anything...That's complete horseshit and he is using it as an excuse.

My guess (and it's a real thing) is he has severe depression due to type 1. He feels different and is letting something that is 100% controllable dictate his life. If he needs a mentor or someone to talk to that understands I am willing to help. I have met a ton of people that are letting a controllable disease beat them. Its all in the mind and with tight control (get him a Dexcom CGM) he can live a beautiful life if he works for it and stops feeling sorry for himself.

 

[Yellowboat]

Too be fair its very hard for young people im ca right now. Ghetto apartments going for 2k+ why work your ass off if it means nothing? I am not saying thier are not entitled amd lazy ones. Just that i totally understand people not wanting to work if it gets them no where.

When i was 21 minimum wage was $6 and it was easy to find a job making 10-15. Rent on a 1 bedroom was $600/ month. Fast forward today. Minimum wage is $10, if you are lucky you can find a job making 12-15 and that same 1 bedroom is $1400.

 

[monkeyswrench]

Ya just can't shout someone into being successful. Everyone is different. Maturity comes slower to some.

"Maturity comes slower to some"
I'm 42, and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up

Yes though, I agree. The driving force though, will ultimately have to come from within. Horse to water, teach him to fish...it's the kid who has to want something. Lord knows my Pops didn't want me roofing, or turning wrenches. Mom saw my SAT's and knew I was going to college...oops. Both were proud (surprised, but proud) when I bought my first house, got married and started a family. In that order too. Like someone posted above, ideals of success are all subject to interpretation.