Witty or cool sayings you have heard?

[sirbob]

2 wrongs don't make a right

Nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs

The crack of dawn ain't safe around him

 

[WYRD]

One I use in contracting a lot

It's all about time and money if you ain't got the time give me more money if you ain't got the money give me more time

 

[KevinR]

You better back off or I’ll drop you like a dirty shirt.

 

[TomD]

How do you know where I’m at if you don’t know where I’ve been get where i’m Coming from?
Sharp as a bowling ball

 

[Eliminator21vdrive]

If it aint broke fix it till it is!

If you cant fix it fuck it up till nobody can!

Tighter than a nun's c__t.

Stupid should hurt/be painful!

No one goes there its too crowded .

 

[buck35]

From an oldtimer I worked with.
If there's one thing that burns my azz, it's a blowtorch held close.
An engineer telling us at a meeting all the schooling he had. Well that was a big waste of money. ..

 

[Hey LAM]

Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.

 

[wsuwrhr]

Now that is another one from my youth.

Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.

 

[whipple charged]

Thats just misdemeanor dumb
And felony stupidity

Couldn't get laid in a mortuary.

She is a FUBAR..
Fu$ked up beon all reconition.

Bofub
Big ol fat ugly b!tch

 

[RitcheyRch]

I used to tell people this about my ex-wife "I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire"


"I'd work her like a job"

 

[riverroyal]

Its never too late to leave early

Better late than straight.

 

[CJ_Donahue]

"Poor planning on your part doesn't necessarily constitute an emergency on my part"

This one right here. I say it almost daily.

 

[bilz]

A buddy of mine used to keep candy and snacks for his lunch, in a drawer at his shop. He would get pissed cuz we would raid his stuff. I would say to to him "Fits in my pocket you better lock it." We are still friends.

 

[mjc]

Back from ibm days....those who can't fix teach, and those who can't teach manage.

 

[troostr]

My dad-
Are you gonna walk or carry your lunch? (If you weren’t hopping to when told to do something)
Don’t toot your horn unless you can dance the tune!
Ik ben de baas! -(Dutch for I’m the boss)
A horse that farts will never tire, a man that farts is the man to hire! (every time he’d bust ass in the pickup)
Do it right or do it over!
Dumbass (this was like a daily vitamin growing up)

Grandpa-
Remember the 3F’s- Faith, Family, and Farm
Treat your cows and your people (employees) like they’re your family and you’ll none of them will ever be hungry.

Others-
You wouldn’t make a pimple on a __________’s ass! (job position)
Can you use your dick as a periscope with your head up your ass like that?

 

[SoCalDave]

Like tits on a bore hog.
What the Sam Hill’s going on here.

 

[RiverDave]

I have a ton of them but the one that has honestly changed my life and kept me out of more trouble injuries etc than I can think of is

“I don’t care who’s fault it is, it’s your fault!”

I was given a speech when I was a kid that basically summed that phrase up. If someone crashes into you then you should have been more aware of your surroundings.. it applies to any situation though and is basically a speech of self accountability and accountability for others etc..

 

[minijeep]

“Just a dollar waiting on a dime”

“Can’t fix stupid”

“I’m picking up what your putting down”

 

[Richard.E]

When I was in school some of the guys in class would always ask the professor what was gonna be on the test the day before the exam...

Our professor 35 year Army vet no bullshit kinda guy looked at him seriously and said “you fucks wanna know everything... I’ll tell you what’s on the test right after I tell you what color panties my wife was wearing this morning”

 

[jetboatperformance]

Just finished a boat "that was hotter than a fresh fuked sheep"

 

[FreeBird236]

Old ones from my dad, layover to catch a meddler, but caught you first. Went to the pot to see the kettle dance. Mind your P's and Q's. Dressed to the nines. Shaking like a leaf, shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds.

 

[Willie B]

...Oh honey...how bout I poke you in the pony hole tonight...

 

[ssc]

I tell clients almost daily, "Just because your not talking doesn't mean your losing."

My Pop used to say when we would see some fool driving like an idiot, "He'll get there 20 seconds before us, if he gets there."

"Follow the dollar and you will always find the answer."

Cheers, Steve

 

[DRYHEAT]

Nothing is impossible unless you have to do it your self.

 

[JSquared]

“Wurd- which means I agree and concur” my college days

 

[Cray Paper]

My dad has several go to's. Some have been mentioned, but I know when my dad uses them, he has experienced them as he grew up on a farm in North Dakota.

"It's raining so hard it's like a cow pissing on a flat rock".
" They were so confused, they looked like a cow looking at a new gate"
" more nervous than a whore at church"
" When I met my wife her vagina was like a rose, now it looks like a cow patty that a wagon wheel ran through". He used to say that in the lunch room when we were working together and it would piss me off. I told him to never say it again around me. If he wasn't my dad, I would have laughed though.

This one was from an old carpenter I worked with from Georgia. His nickname was Georgia Jim. This was in response to one of my buddies comments about the hot chick he was hooking up with back when we were in our early 20's. Georgia Jim says in his heavy southern drawllll... " Jesse, you needs to find the one that can cook.....cause they allll gets ugly."

Another favorite was from my buddy Dennis's dad. I have known Dennis for 25 years, we met at Golds Gym back in the early 90's. His dad has been divorced like 5 times and was just an old school playboy type dude. He always told us, " treat the whores like queens and the queens like whores and you'll be alright".
​

 

[DirtyWhiteDog]

From my framing days:
Nail guns are for nailing, hammers are for beating.

She's a carpenters dream
Flat as a board, Easy to nail.

Blade guards are for pussys.

 

[AQUA-HOLICS]

From my framing days just out of high school, the super on the job site would all ways yell “ don’t drink more than you can sweat because you ain’t got time to piss on this job “

 

[Riley1]

“Another day, another dollar... in dept”

“It takes 3 times as long to do it twice!’

 

[milkmoney]

" fucksticks "
[emoji202]

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[Riley1]

" fucksticks "
[emoji202]

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Fuckaduck

 

[Ouderkirk]

"

What kinda sayings have you heard from a parent or in daily life that made you think or laugh?

Brian

When observing someone cutting corners on a job...

No sense in wasting valuable time trying to do it right, you can always do it over.

"weapons grade" stupid.

You have more dick in your personality than you do in your pants.

How the fuck are you the sperm that won?

I wouldn't buy water from them if I was on fire.

 

[Mock Auntie]

“Pretty is as pretty does.”
(Referring to working cow horses)

“A day late and a dollar short.”

“Reach far and grab fast or get the broken cookie.” (That’s a family one)

“Everyone’s an alcoholic at the river.”
(Me to Brett after a long night at RDs)



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[old rigger]

He was "shaking like a dog trying to pass a peach seed"

 

[Rajobigguy]

More nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

I don't know why we love those things, they start off looking like a peach with a razor slit but after a few years it looks like a hairy dogs butt with a bad case of hemorrhoids.

 

[braindead]

When in doubt grout

Looks good from my house

You can't fix stupid

Dumber than a box o rocks

 

[yz450mm]

Caulk and paint make it what it ain't....

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[johnnyC]

be careful what you wish for
I'l hit you so hard your clothes will be out style when you stop spinning
so loose you can't touch sides or bottom
ass is so big it takes a bench seat
when i cut my self, it's a high pressure leak
i wouldn't fu-- with your dick

 

[tazzio]

He's so stupid he couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions printed on the bottom.

 

[Uncle Dave]

"Never put your finger where you wouldn't put your penis" - Grandpa Sampson, owner, proprietor, Sampson and Kearns Oliver/Oldsmobile

Uncle Dave (Sampson)

 

[Terry G]

“Useless as a rubber beak on a woodpecker”. Quote from the ol’ man on Pawn Stars. RIP

 

[DLC]

When I was just starting out framing wood walls the boss would show up and say ....
All I want to see is elbows and ass holes. - meaning you would be bent over framing walls on the ground and getting ready to stand em up

 

[westair]

No good deed goes unpunished.

In the business world you learn this real quick …. no free favors

 

[dryhoze1]

Most think my screen name comes from my fire service roots, but no.


“You’re sucking on a dryhoze “

In other words, it’s not Going to happen. Lol

 

[dryhoze1]

When I was just starting out framing wood walls the boss would show up and say ....
All I want to see is elbows and ass holes. - meaning you would be bent over framing walls on the ground and getting ready to stand em up

My boss would say “send them, don’t bend them” The nails..

 

[Hdgasser]

"You guys look like a couple of monkeys fuckin a football"

"Dumber than a fox"

"Eat a bag of dicks!" - my favorite

"What do ya tell a women with 2 black eyes? Nothing... shes already been told twice"

"Sometimes painful things can teach us lessons that we didn't think we needed to know"

 

[port austin pirate]

Bend over, I think I know you.

that would piss off the Pope.

Il hit you on the top of your head so hard youl be able to chin yourself on the curb

Its your life, use it up anyway you want. A friend would say that to someone who was pissing him off

If the good Lord made anything better than beer en pussy, he kept it to himself, A friend I worked with

Beer makes you smart the more you drink it the more you know. Friend Iworked with sometimes he come in the morning lookin rough and hed say, I was a fin genius last night

 

[DaveC]

Don’t stick yore dick in crazy

 

[paradise]

Prior proper planning prevents piss poor performance

 

[Flying_Lavey]

Tile guys “ get your money makers on”

Also known as "San Fransisco Slippers"



"Good enough for Government work"

"Take a cunt hair off this"

For Jet boat roost.... ASANG..... All Show And No Go.

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