Speaking in metaphors - WTF does that mean

[motormonkey]

She's so ugly she would make a train take a dirt road
Shivering like a squirrel shitten peach seeds

 

[oldboatsrule]

Does a hobby horse have a hickory dick?
IF? ... If frogs could fly....they wouldn't bump thier ass when they hop!
Is a ducks ass water tight?
Does a frog fart under water?
Do horses have kick stands ?

 

[musicFunsun]

My grandma used to say “the things you see when don’t have a gun”.

 

[Drew]

So dumb it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes

 

[Drew]

He’s about as sharp as a marble

 

[termiteguy]

If if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle

 

[BIGRED9158]

Chrome gets you dome

 

[BIGRED9158]

4 doors more whores

 

[fishfyter]

Harder than trying to shove a cat down a toilet

 

[Havasu blue label]

More excuses than a pregnant nun.

I will definitely use this again

 

[2Driver]

Your trying to pick the fly shit out of the pepper

You are getting caught up in your underwear

My favorite …
Nobody told me we had a communication problem

 

[wet hull]

I'd eat the corn outta her shit!

 

[TexasJet]

Looks like you been rode hard and put up wet.

 

[HTTP404]

He was so scared you couldn't drive a pin up his ass with a jackhammer.

 

[Dr Rob]

I'd eat the corn outta her shit! View attachment 1164722

She could eat corn through a picket fence

 

[coolchange]

You could fuck up a wet dream

 

[Dr Rob]

She could eat corn through a picket fence

If I had a dog like you I'd shave it's ass and make it backwards.

 

[F.U.IRS]

If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport

 

[DLC]

Is a frogs ass water tight
Does a bear Shit in the woods
Thats harder than a preachers prick

She could such Start a Harley

its hard to soar like an Eagle, When your surrounded by Turkeys

 

[rmarion]

'Bout as useless as tits on a boar which is often misquoted as tits on a board. I guess those are useless too.

I thought it was "tits on a boy"..

 

[CarolynandBob]

"More frustrating than a blind lesbian at a fish market"

This one made me laugh out load.

 

[Sleek-Jet]

You could fuck up a wet dream

He could fuck up an anvil.

 

[RitcheyRch]

My grandfather used to always say "a stiff dick has no conscience"

 

[BlowMe]

You ever listen to somebody talk and think their cornbread aint done in the middle

 

[just_floatin]

My go to phrase with my kids on the subject of work ethic: “it’s a dog eat dog world, and we are wearing milk bone underwear.”

 

[coolchange]

Life is a shit sandwich, the more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.

 

[Eliminator21vdrive]

Nobody goes there it's too crowded

If it aint broke fix it till it is

If you can;t fix it fuck it up so nobody can

I hate camping it's too intense

Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra

raining so hard sounds like a cow pissing on a flat rock

It was used too much when it was new

 

[pixrthis]

A guy I raced with would say “I’d eat a mile of her shit to see where it came from” when he’d see a pretty woman.

 

[Your ad here]

Harder than a priests dick at a boy scout meeting.

 

[Icky]

A guy I raced with would say “I’d eat a mile of her shit to see where it came from” when he’d see a pretty woman.

One of our guys would always ask after hearing that... " but would you suck her dad's dick.... you know to see where she came from"

 

[pixrthis]

Life is a shit sandwich, the more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.

I have a friend who used to say that and I always thought that If I had more dough I’d need more shot to make sandwiches.

 

[coolchange]

I have a friend who used to say that and I always thought that If I had more dough I’d need more shot to make sandwiches.

Lol. Different shit.

 

[racetrash]

If it flys, fucks, or floats, your way ahead renting it.

 

[endobear]

Some I use at work.
Caulk and paint make what a carpenter ain't.
Only taste I have is in my mouth.

Are you Australian? Because your always on walk about.
Your tits hurt from milking it all day.
My tits hurt from from you milking me all day.
You get enough of that gravy train with biscuit wheels?

 

[Nordie]

Caught myself in slow traffic this morning, and found myself using one I use here and there.

Shit or get off the pot

I'll try to catch myself the next time I say one, I use them often, but never think about it.

 

[Riverfamlee]

He just dropped another one

We cant just keep throwing mud against the wall and call it stucco

 

[JUSTWANNARACE]

I'd pay you what you're worth but there is a minimum wage in Oregon!

 

[HTTP404]

He ain't the sharpest spoon in the drawer.

 

[ltbaney1]

Some I use at work.
Caulk and paint make what a carpenter ain't.
Only taste I have is in my mouth.

Are you Australian? Because your always on walk about.
Your tits hurt from milking it all day.
My tits hurt from from you milking me all day.
You get enough of that gravy train with biscuit wheels?

putty and paint make a sinner a saint. learned that working with my old man for his construction company in my teens.

 

[ltbaney1]

im on it like shit on velcro

 

[Yldboyz]

He could fuck up a one car funeral
He couldn't fight his way outta wet paper bag

 

[Bails]

A blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while

A broken clock is right twice a day

fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch

 

[OkHallett270]

These guys could break an anvil with a rubber mallet

That dude is a lost as a goose on ice

There it ain’t (when your coworkers are looking for tools)

F’d up like a football bat

F’d up like a soup sandwich

That thing came from together. (When examining something completely destroyed or disassembled)

As the crow flies (to describe shortest distance between two points)

I’m gonna call you 4 fingers, cause you sure ain’t no hand.

Let me show you an old Indian trick. (Something my grandpa used to say right before he would show you the correct way to do a task. He was white.)

Here directly (something my maternal grandfather (he’s an Indian) still says, he’s letting you know that something will take place in a short amount of time.) example, Here directly I’m gonna go to town.

What a pizza chip… (piece of shit)

I know there’s more, just hard to think of all of them on the spot.

 

[Nordie]

Thats tighter than a nuns c*nt

 

[HTTP404]

Right now = Mexican slang for two weeks

 

[Nordie]

He just dropped another one

We cant just keep throwing mud against the wall and call it stucco

Isn't that what Dave did at China Buffet?