Sorry but I rarely get over here anymore...

[Ratso]

I'm kinda sticking with facebook since I have so many friends that get involved in the same bs as I do... so none of em are ever calling bullshit on my stories... Still working on that book though... Oh well, here's some of the stuff going on out my direction...

It was dark cold winter morning around 4am in Waco Texas...

Its a memory... a foggy one, yet one of the few I still have after the years of booze, living recklessly through the smoke, the gin, wild women, sex, drugs, and music that just kicks you in the f##kin' face, a lot of the stuff my favorite DJ, Rudy would play through the night, helping everybody get through the night of drinking, pick up lines, and the point where most wanted to be, balls deep in some bitch by 3am...
After 5 or 6 rings a voice answers.... (The voice) Hello????????????
(Ratso) Rudy!!!!!!!!! Dude! Lets find some bitches, some booze, and whatever and lets get fucked up!
(The voice) Uh, this isn't Rudy and would you please tell me who this is??? (Ratso... just now realizing it's a female voice on the other end) Well fuck Go fuckin get Rudy and put him on the damn phone woman, but before you do I'd like to ask, what are you wearing and I hope the answer is nothing?
(The voice) Uh look young man, you must have the wrong number because there is no Rudy here, and might I add you have a very foul mouth and your parents must have done a horrible job raising an ass like you...
(Ratso) Bitch, you don't know me, but feel free to get in line behind all the other bitches that are waiting to get to know me, Now be a good little girl and go get Rudy before I come kick a damn door in and put you in your place, where most bitches belong, and that's usually starting out on their backs!
(The voice) Randall... Is this you???
(Ratso) Yes it is, but to you it's Randall Mother Fuckin (Last Name)
(The voice) Randall... this is your mom... Are you out drinking all night again???
(Ratso) Mom???
(The Voice) Yes hun... it's me...
(Ratso) Mom, I know you are a grown woman and all that, but where the fuck is dad and please explain why in the fuckin' hell you are answering Rudy's GD MF'n phone at 4 in the morning???
(The voice, which apparently now is my mom... I?m drunk but I'm gonna go with it) Honey you are drunk and you dialed the wrong number...
(Ratso) Mom... don't lie to me... I wasn't born yesterday and don't treat me like an idiot. I've been married 5 fucking times and I think I know women pretty dang well by now! It kinda sucks right now but you just proved all you bitches are the fuckin' same, and Rudy better be damn glad I like him right now...
(The voice/Mom) Hun, just calm down, you are drunk, I'm not at Rudy's or whoever that is, but would you roll over to the bimbo laying next to you, hand her your phone, and let me explain to her to please take your phone away, hide it, and to tell her to be patient because apparently the Viagra hasn't kicked in yet...
(Ratso) Okay mom, I guess I dialed your number by accident, and before I hand my phone over I'd like to ask you to please change your name to something besides Ruby so this shit doesn't happen again?
(The voice/Mom) Okay honey... I will do that first thing in the morning at the courthouse... While I'm down there would you like me to check if there are any warrants out for your arrest?
(Ratso) Okay mom... Thanks... You're the best... Love you...
(The voice/Mom) I love you too son... I worry about you so would you please try to slow down a little? Now hand your phone over and try and get some rest...
(Ratso) Hey, It's kind of dark in here, so I can't quite tell who you are. But my mom wants to talk to you...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

[Ratso]

What the hell... one more...

So, somebody compared me to Charlie Sheen.......
I think not, and then thought about the Lincoln/Kennedy comparison thing.......
? Believe it or not...

? Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

...? Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

? The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

? Both Presidents' wives lost a child while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot while seated next to their wife. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head.

? Lincoln's personal secretary, whose name was John (Nicolay), advised him not to go to the theater. Kennedy's personal secretary, whose name was (Evelyn) Lincoln, advised him not to go to Dallas.

? Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners. Both successors were named Johnson.

? Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

? John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.

? Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.

? Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater. Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

? Lincoln was shot in the Ford Theatre and Kennedy was shot while in a Ford Lincoln.See More
‎...and came up with this... lol...
Both of our first names contain 7 letters
Both of our last names contain 5 letters

Charlie Sheen has been charged with numerous felonies
Ditto : )
...
I?m considered to be a functioning alcoholic
Charlie Sheen is a functional bi-polar alcoholic

Charlie Sheen was married to Denise Richards
I wish I was

Charlie Sheen dated a number of adult film actresses
Do strippers count?

Charlie Sheen once shot Kelly Preston in the arm
I?ve been shot at, stabbed, and almost run over by some psycho in a car

Charlie Sheen has been married 3 times and has 5 children
I?ve been married 5 times and have one son? but then again the Springer show called the other day?

Charlie Sheen is in the Guiness Book Of World Records? Not once, but twice
On Twitter as The Fastest Time To Reach 1 Million Followers
And
The Highest Paid TV Actor Per Episode
I think I?ll just stick with the number of times being married? What is that record? Anybody up for a trip to Vegas???

 

[Ratso]

I'll edit the first one... Not sure why all those question marks showed up

 

[Topless]

:champagne::skull good to see ya here.

 

[Ratso]

:champagne::skull good to see ya here.

Ha! Always cool talking with you!

 

[kilrtoy]

Rats. So glad to see you on here

 

[rmarion]

EPIC!!!!!!!!!:skull

 

[napanutt]

Readers digest version...please, or... nevermind LOL

 

[screaming pete]

so ratso finaly post the fuck up and the first person to reply is fuckn topless are u two banggggging or something

 

[TITTIES AND BEER]

WELCOME BACK:boobeyes::boobeyes:

 

[musicFunsun]

Wow, it's like 2005 again!! Welcome back Topless & Ratso!

 

[dancudmore]

Good to see you around Ratso


---
- Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[RiverDave]

Well that pretty much just shattered my image of ratso..

RD

 

[rivermobster]

I'm kinda sticking with facebook since I have so many friends that get involved in the same bs as I do... so none of em are ever calling bullshit on my stories... Still working on that book though... Oh well, here's some of the stuff going on out my direction...

It was dark cold winter morning around 4am in Waco Texas...

Its a memory... a foggy one, yet one of the few I still have after the years of booze, living recklessly through the smoke, the gin, wild women, sex, drugs, and music that just kicks you in the f##kin' face, a lot of the stuff my favorite DJ, Rudy would play through the night, helping everybody get through the night of drinking, pick up lines, and the point where most wanted to be, balls deep in some bitch by 3am...
After 5 or 6 rings a voice answers.... (The voice) Hello????????????
(Ratso) Rudy!!!!!!!!! Dude! Lets find some bitches, some booze, and whatever and lets get fucked up!
(The voice) Uh, this isn't Rudy and would you please tell me who this is??? (Ratso... just now realizing it's a female voice on the other end) Well fuck Go fuckin get Rudy and put him on the damn phone woman, but before you do I'd like to ask, what are you wearing and I hope the answer is nothing?
(The voice) Uh look young man, you must have the wrong number because there is no Rudy here, and might I add you have a very foul mouth and your parents must have done a horrible job raising an ass like you...
(Ratso) Bitch, you don't know me, but feel free to get in line behind all the other bitches that are waiting to get to know me, Now be a good little girl and go get Rudy before I come kick a damn door in and put you in your place, where most bitches belong, and that's usually starting out on their backs!
(The voice) Randall... Is this you???
(Ratso) Yes it is, but to you it's Randall Mother Fuckin (Last Name)
(The voice) Randall... this is your mom... Are you out drinking all night again???
(Ratso) Mom???
(The Voice) Yes hun... it's me...
(Ratso) Mom, I know you are a grown woman and all that, but where the fuck is dad and please explain why in the fuckin' hell you are answering Rudy's GD MF'n phone at 4 in the morning???
(The voice, which apparently now is my mom... I?m drunk but I'm gonna go with it) Honey you are drunk and you dialed the wrong number...
(Ratso) Mom... don't lie to me... I wasn't born yesterday and don't treat me like an idiot. I've been married 5 fucking times and I think I know women pretty dang well by now! It kinda sucks right now but you just proved all you bitches are the fuckin' same, and Rudy better be damn glad I like him right now...
(The voice/Mom) Hun, just calm down, you are drunk, I'm not at Rudy's or whoever that is, but would you roll over to the bimbo laying next to you, hand her your phone, and let me explain to her to please take your phone away, hide it, and to tell her to be patient because apparently the Viagra hasn't kicked in yet...
(Ratso) Okay mom, I guess I dialed your number by accident, and before I hand my phone over I'd like to ask you to please change your name to something besides Ruby so this shit doesn't happen again?
(The voice/Mom) Okay honey... I will do that first thing in the morning at the courthouse... While I'm down there would you like me to check if there are any warrants out for your arrest?
(Ratso) Okay mom... Thanks... You're the best... Love you...
(The voice/Mom) I love you too son... I worry about you so would you please try to slow down a little? Now hand your phone over and try and get some rest...
(Ratso) Hey, It's kind of dark in here, so I can't quite tell who you are. But my mom wants to talk to you...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

F'n great story....

 

[Old Texan]

What's up Ratso?????? How's the bar business treatin' ya?......From the story it's sounds off the hook.:skull:champagne:

 

[Some Kind Of Monster]

I figured you would be married again by now Ratso goes through wives like 2FF goes through boats

 

[DaveC]

Classic ratso... Good times :thumbsup

I can't wait for someone to get offended. :skull

 

[Earl-Bob]

Welcome back

 

[SBjet]

Good stuff, ratso. Wish you were my dad.

 

[dego_red]

Always enjoyed your stories Ratso...


red