Married and finances

[mesquito_creek]

All of our bank accounts and assets are in our Family Trust so technically neither of us own it.

All the bills are automatic (autopay), so neither of us pay the bills, they pay themselves.

 

[ltbaney1]

joint account. hell if i wanted to pay the mortgage or a utility bill, i wouldnt even know how to log in or who cut a check too. i dont think my wife has ever written a check though, i still carry a check book and will write the occasional check. she also NEVER has more than $10 cash on her, and hates to use it, she says the card is easier i on the other hand always try to carry cash and will use it as i see fit.

 

[81Sprint]

When we got together 17 years ago she was self employed at a Salon, so basically a day to day money maker and I have always been in the electrical business so more routine or normal I guess. She didn't wanna handle the money, which was fine with me cause there's no way I would work everyday and not know or have a say in what was happening financially with our money. Fast forward, we now have separate accounts and also a joint. Joint pays the bills, separate we can buy what we want. She wanted that because she could never surprise me with stuff since I saw everything. Can't argue with that logic

 

[Aces & Eights]

Your wives work??

 

[BHC Vic]

Your wives work??

ok you win today

 

[Andy B.]

Joint she does most of bills I do occasionally anything over 1000.00 we discuss. But that's usually car repairs, BOAT or something big for house so no brainer.

 

[BajaT]

Wife's coworker years ago, who handled the money, tells husband, btw, you won't be happy, I have a credit card with 30k balance! Checks and balances people!!!

 

[Your ad here]

She does have access to my accounts and can transfer money to her account whenever she needs. I used to ask what it was for but I don’t ask anymore. It’s never been for anything dumb, usually money for gifts or kids stuff.

Haircuts?

 

[Jay Dub]

Thanks to @CLdrinker got me wondering.

Me and my wifey have had joint account with all funds deposited to it for ever. It covers all our bills.
Kind of funny though she has always made more than me but I pay all the bills from the joint account. Wifey not very good with numbers. She’s more the artistic brain side.

Married 33 years and we both work. Three adult kids all out on their own. All income into joint accout. I pay all the bills and manage investments. Large purchases, we discuss but my wife never buys anything. I say "how about a new boat?" Her response is always "Yes-ok, if we can we afford it?".

 

[BHC Vic]

Haircuts?

She doesn’t get those anymore

 

[Done-it-again]

23 yrs together and married for 20 next year. Joint account, taught her how to save and not spend her pay check before getting paid.

Started out she covered 1/2 of the bills when she moved in (just had bought me first home) a year layer I asked her to marry me and we joined accounts. I paid all the bills the first 10 years or so, then transferred the rains and told her not to fuck up my credit, worked to hard to get it were was/is. Now she pays all the bill, transfers money to different accounts that pay for different things. I have no idea what we have in the bank really, I just ask are we good and keep working... She was a stay at home mom for the past 11 years and last year I hired to her to run our business job costing... She's done amazing tracking project cost and our profitability.

 

[Cole Trickle]

Word of advise for anyone that does all the household finances. If something happens to the person responsible it becomes a mess when the other spouse is forced to get involved.

I have seen it both ways as far as male/Female but in the event of a passing it becomes a huge issue if they don't know how to handle finances. At a minimum couples should make sure they have all accounts/passwords written down and stored somewhere safe in the event of an emergency.

I can't even imagine not knowing what I have in my bank account. I love my wife to death and I highly doubt we will ever have any issues but being a kid of multiple divorces I have seen to many buddies get fucked over and I don't trust anyone...lol

 

[Done-it-again]

Word of advise for anyone that does all the household finances. If something happens to the person responsible it becomes a mess when the other spouse is forced to get involved.

I have seen it both ways as far as male/Female but in the event of a passing it becomes a huge issue if they don't know how to handle finances. At a minimum couples should make sure they have all accounts/passwords written down and stored somewhere safe in the event of an emergency.

I can't even imagine not knowing what I have in my bank account. I love my wife to death and I highly doubt we will ever have any issues but being a kid of multiple divorces I have seen to many buddies get fucked over and I don't trust anyone...lol

I'm not too worried about the bank accounts, as I'm worth more dead than alive.

I be sleeping like this

 

[jetboatperformance]

My Dad said "why do bums drink wine from a bottle in a paper bag ? " So they dont know when the end is coming" My debit card allowance is like that when it declines I know I'm out of money

 

[ChumpChange]

Wife was a CPA before she “retired” after our 2nd kid. She handles the daily/monthly budget. I handle the long term investment stuff.
She gives me the thumbs up/down on buying toys .

My “retired” wife puts more miles on her van taking the kids to activities than I do for work.

 

[BabyRay]

We’ve been married for 48 years, and have had joint accounts since the beginning. I manage our payables and balance our accounts, because i don’t like late payment notices or overdrafts…... Neither of us are crazy spenders, and we discuss any major purchases. It works well for us.

Sometimes I do think it would be better to have separate accounts for discretionary spending, but it’s never been a big enough deal to bother. I might have had more toys over the years if we did that, but I’m sure we’d have had less of something else that matters to us. It all balances out in the end.

 

[Mrs. Riley1]

When I met my husband, I worked and he was going to school. We had separate bank accounts. Fast forward 10 years, now he works and I stay home and we have joint bank accounts lol. I handle all the finances.

 

[was thatguy]

I remember when a friend of mine told me a few years ago about his financial arrangement with his then girlfriend.
They went to some house flipping course that he paid for.
Like $20K or something stupid.
They did 3 houses over a couple years.
I asked him how that works.
He said:
“She buys the houses because she has more money and better credit. I spend my money on all the repairs. Then we sell it and she saves OUR money in her account.”

By the time he pulled his head out of his ass he was out $150K more or less and living in his RV after she stole his house too.
He tried to sue, didn’t work out. She’d banked a couple million over like 10 years or something and a few exes.

To the subject at hand, I NEVER have a joint account with anyone. My first 2 wives trained me exceptionally well in that regard.
Debbie often thought it was bizarre that I flatly refused to even consider a joint account, but it wasn’t that big of a deal to her.
It was more a point of contention that I also flatly refused to share my bank log in with her…
I had no problem ever showing our accounts and was always 100% open about all that…but NO ONE is going to have access. Period.
Joint accounts are an archaic idea from pre internet times.
When checkbooks were a thing and divorce wasn’t very prevalent.

 

[mesquito_creek]

From what I have been told, if you go the separate account route and something happens to one of you (car crash/plane/boat death)... Your spouse may take months in probate court to access that money, even in community property states. So hopefully, she has the money and means to maintain everything financially for a while while she goes through probate court with a lawyer to get to it. So hopefully you have an iron clad will OR better yet a trust to avoid that mess. And if God forbid you both die at the same time, you heirs have the money to float all your stuff during probate before the repo man shows up (assuming you don't have a will/trust)

Don't get me started on having minor children and no death plan (will/trust) in place.

 

[was thatguy]

From what I have been told, if you go the separate account route and something happens to one of you (car crash/plane/boat death)... Your spouse may take months in probate court to access that money, even in community property states. So hopefully, she has the money and means to maintain everything financially for a while while she goes through probate court with a lawyer to get to it. So hopefully you have an iron clad will OR better yet a trust to avoid that mess. And if God forbid you both die at the same time, you heirs have the money to float all your stuff during probate before the repo man shows up (assuming you don't have a will/trust)

Don't get me started on having minor children and no death plan (will/trust) in place.

When Debbie died I had all her balances within 30 days.
Any debt she had (minimal) was not assigned to me. They tell you that right up front and have to by law.
Large estates definitely require more pre planning.
But in my experience it was nowhere near the problem people think it is.

 

[cofooter]

From what I have been told, if you go the separate account route and something happens to one of you (car crash/plane/boat death)... Your spouse may take months in probate court to access that money, even in community property states. So hopefully, she has the money and means to maintain everything financially for a while while she goes through probate court with a lawyer to get to it. So hopefully you have an iron clad will OR better yet a trust to avoid that mess. And if God forbid you both die at the same time, you heirs have the money to float all your stuff during probate before the repo man shows up (assuming you don't have a will/trust)

Don't get me started on having minor children and no death plan (will/trust) in place.

That an easy one. Name your beneficiaries on all of your accounts. You can split between several. Naming of beneficiaries takes precedence over a will as long as there is no conflicting language in the will, and no probate. Easy, peasy.........

 

[GETBOATS]

Ours is run like a business, all money goes in one hole, no stash, no second account. Been marries for 41 years, wife only worked for the first 6. Raising the boys was job one for the last 35 years. Since the first day we meet, she always deferred financial decisions to me. Initially I had thought handling money could be an issue as she held a district supervisor position with a large young women's clothing retailer in Southern Ca and Vegas. I would do the same all over again!

 

[was thatguy]

That an easy one. Name your beneficiaries on all of your accounts. You can split between several. Naming of beneficiaries takes precedence over a will as long as there is no conflicting language in the will, and no probate. Easy, peasy.........

Yep
That’s exactly what I’ve done with my accounts for my adult kids.
My oldest has the names of my banks and investment and insurance companies.
That’s all she’ll need to execute because they are listed as beneficiaries and the % are also listed.

 

[cofooter]

Yep
That’s exactly what I’ve done with my accounts for my adult kids.
My oldest has the names of my banks and investment and insurance companies.
That’s all she’ll need to execute because they are listed as beneficiaries and the % are also listed.

And file a Transfer on Death Deed for your Real Estate and Vehicles. You can name multiple beneficiaries, also does not go through probate. Between designating your beneficiaries, and the Transfer on Death Deed you eliminate the need for Probate altogether. I'm not worried about my other useless junk. They can throw it in the trash for all I care. I did a Will and then thought about what a pain in the ass it would be for my Sister as executor to drag through Probate and then made it way simpler.........

 

[DWC]

My “retired” wife puts more miles on her van taking the kids to activities than I do for work.

We went through 3 Expeditions when the kids were young. Was always shocked at how many miles she put on and how many times i had to refill the tanks.

 

[mesquito_creek]

That an easy one. Name your beneficiaries on all of your accounts. You can split between several. Naming of beneficiaries takes precedence over a will as long as there is no conflicting language in the will, and no probate. Easy, peasy.........

Agreed… and the trust can be the named beneficiary which normally is the best solution. Especially if you didn’t die but don’t know who you are in a hospital bed. IE with medical POA and Fiduciary POA.

 

[paradise]

This is such a fascinating thread.

For those that have 100% separate accounts, what are you guys doing for estate or trust planning?

 

[mesquito_creek]

My 80 something year old Uncle died in a car crash last year leaving behind his severely demented wife in a care facility. They had no children. He did not have his shit together in terms of estate planning and it’s been a nightmare dealing with it.

 

[mash on it]

From what I have been told, if you go the separate account route and something happens to one of you (car crash/plane/boat death)... Your spouse may take months in probate court to access that money, even in community property states. So hopefully, she has the money and means to maintain everything financially for a while while she goes through probate court with a lawyer to get to it. So hopefully you have an iron clad will OR better yet a trust to avoid that mess. And if God forbid you both die at the same time, you heirs have the money to float all your stuff during probate before the repo man shows up (assuming you don't have a will/trust)

Don't get me started on having minor children and no death plan (will/trust) in place.

The last page of my business checkbook has 3 signed checks, ready to go.
Titles to all the equipment and trucks are signed too. All in the safe.
Survived a heart attack in 2017 that put things into perspective.
Still separate accounts.

Dan'l

 

[cofooter]

This is such a fascinating thread.

For those that have 100% separate accounts, what are you guys doing for estate or trust planning?

In my case, its an LTR now, but likely soon to be a second marriage. We have no kids together which makes it easier. We make our own decision on who to leave our assets to and do separate planning, however, she will get a good chunk of my assets if I go and vice versa if she goes first.

 

[was thatguy]

It’s much simpler to just spend all your money and collect no assets…

 

[mesquito_creek]

This is such a fascinating thread.

For those that have 100% separate accounts, what are you guys doing for estate or trust planning?

To be fair… My wife and I have a “joint checking account”, but we also each have several separate accounts. We have separate IRAs/pensions/savings/vehicles and I am the coexec with my sister on my parents trust… my wife separately is the coexec on her mothers trust etc..

But all those separate accounts and assets roll up into our trust, whether deeded or name beneficiary etc..

 

[JL95]

You guys have money left over??

I am in the joint boat. It is a very small boat, picture an oragami paper boat.

 

[dezrtracer]

This is such a fascinating thread.

For those that have 100% separate accounts, what are you guys doing for estate or trust planning?

Everything is set up in a trust . Who ever kicks the bucket 1st the other one gets everything . If we kick the bucket together it is all laid out it the trust .

 

[bonesfab]

It’s much simpler to just spend all your money and collect no assets…

I am doing it all wrong then. Just aquired another shitbox last night and went to add it to my list. 39 cars and trucks and 45 motrcycles, trailers and water toys. I am a fucking moron.

 

[poncho]

Word of advise for anyone that does all the household finances. If something happens to the person responsible it becomes a mess when the other spouse is forced to get involved.

I have seen it both ways as far as male/Female but in the event of a passing it becomes a huge issue if they don't know how to handle finances. At a minimum couples should make sure they have all accounts/passwords written down and stored somewhere safe in the event of an emergency.

I can't even imagine not knowing what I have in my bank account. I love my wife to death and I highly doubt we will ever have any issues but being a kid of multiple divorces I have seen to many buddies get fucked over and I don't trust anyone...lol

Wife had a cancer scare and after the mastectomy I said to her you need to write down where our money is (Names/Passwords)....real talk.
Working away from home and very rural, sometimes 3 to 4 weeks to get mail it made sense for her to handle things at home.

 

[Sharp Shooter]

Separate accounts from day 1. Joint account not necessary. We split the house, Insurances, food (to a point), Utilities and big vacations. Everything else is separated.

She pays for her cars I pay for mine. That includes registration, upkeep and repairs. Unlike, all of my friends neither of us ask permission from the other to buy anything. I couldn’t live like that.

 

[poncho]

I am doing it all wrong then. Just aquired another shitbox last night and went to add it to my list. 39 cars and trucks and 45 motrcycles, trailers and water toys. I am a fucking moron.

First Wife was a brute, took over my finances when we were in our late 20's. Said to me you make a lot of money but have none, my reply was look in the driveway and the shop, she didn't think that counted.

 

[bonesfab]

First Wife was a brute, took over my finances when we were in our late 20's. Said to me you make a lot of money but have none, my reply was look in the driveway and the shop, she didn't think that counted.

Shit rich and cash pooooooorrrr is what I say. My assets all have wheels on them.

 

[Romans9]

This thread just goes to show there is no standard, do what works for you.

For me, 100% trust or no marriage.
Even my children are on everything we own including accounts and property.
Any of my children can go to my business or personal accounts and do anything they wish because technically its their accounts, property, truck, car, etc.

 

[HotRod82]

This thread just goes to show there is no standard, do what works for you.

For me, 100% trust or no marriage.
Even my children are on everything we own including accounts and property.
Any of my children can go to my business or personal accounts and do anything they wish because technically its their accounts, property, truck, car, etc.

Dude that’s awesome. My brother would clean me out if I gave him access to anything.

 

[napanutt]

I didn’t realize there would be a lot of good information derived from this thread. I was really just curious about others situation.

I’ve been with my wife since I was 20. I’m 59.5. Never been screwed out of money from an ex so I have no experience there.

We really need to do a will or something. We have a decent amount of inheritance that will all go to our only child. We’re working of spending what we can but we’re still relatively young. Can’t out live the money.

As far as account info. My wife wouldn’t have a clue how to access it. She’s smart so she’d figure it out but she has no want or need for log in info. Not her job. She likes it that way.

 

[pronstar]

When I made more money than her, we had separate accounts.

But now she makes way more than I do and we have a joint account

Now I’m the family accountant because if she sees money in our main checking account, she’s gotta spend it.

 

[Angler]

I pay the bills but with that said I like to sleep on the couch.

Welcome back grads...

 

[CarolynandBob]

All of our account beneficiaries are the Trust. We do go over all the accounts about every 6 months so she know where everything is. Who ever said their wife only had $10 in cash. That is my wife too.

 

[farmo83]

I also say my wife and I balance each other out(argue all the time) about our money outlook. My wife would prefer all our money to be in a checking account where she can see and prior to us getting married lived that way.

I on the other hand would prefer to keep enough money around to make it to the next payday, the rest I want invested.

After marriage we've equaled out. My wife loves looking at her ira grow and I sleep easier knowing I have cash on hand if needed. We always come back to were trying to get to a good place for us.

 

[PRORACER7474]

Had nothing when we started 40 years ago so really it is all ours, my wife does not care about money as long as she has a nice car and a little cash in her wallet, she always tells everyone that she trust me and I have always made money. Scary part was back in 2020 during covid I was going to the hospital because I had double viral pnuemonia and my wife had no ideal who owes us, how many checking accounts we have and so on. So I had to spend 3 hours writing down when each of the renters of each of the industrial buildings we own pays and how much, I had to pull out each check book for each LLc and business accounts, show her the statements of all the saving accounts and write down the passwords to every account. She is a signer on all the accounts but really has no ideal what each is for and how much is in. The scary part my best friends wife had just died of covid that morning so I had no ideal if I was ever coming back. The only thing I felt grateful for was that as long as she knew were everything is my son is a CPA and my daughter is a Lawyer so she would have plenty of help if i did not make it

 

[riverroyal]

I have not paid a bill or seen a check book in 27 years. No need to start now...
Sometimes I think I want to do it, then I wake up

 

[Ace in the Hole]

What works for us doesn’t necessarily work for others, and what works for others doesn’t necessarily work for us… and that’s all I’m going to say on the subject.