Life can be comical at times…

[Socalx09]

This is shitty. Just need to vent. You are all mostly guys here. I don’t know what to do. I will say for my own selfish reasons- I really feel like sometimes I don’t get much a break. I do try to find the positive in things, I have always tried to do that, but sometimes I really do feel beat down and want to say what the f do I have to figure out now?! I’m not going to lie, I am struggling with my own issues and some days I am not very positive.

We get back from our river trip and my dad goes into work today to find out his department is all released, including him. He had a procedure yesterday so today he went back for a meeting. They gave him severance pay, etc. It was a reasonable package. They are going to use outside vendors now. I am just more upset that he would bend over backwards for the job. My dad has been with the company for 20+ years. His identity was the company and I mean would kill himself working for this company. I would get so mad at him, but he would get out of a procedure, rest at home and go finish the work because he cared so much about the company. I believe he had a little bit of an “immigrant mentally.” Not the ones that take advantage of a system, but the hardworking, will do anything - no matter what it takes in fear of being fired mentally. He came here after the civil wars in Lebanon in the 80s and he has had 2-3 jobs since. If someone called, he showed up, no matter how tired he was.

I picked him up after my doctors appointment. He was broken. He doesn’t cry. Well, he did today. I am in shock. I see my dad go to dialysis for hours, 3x a week and still go to work afterwards for another 10+ hours. He never complained. I have never seen him so crushed. His purpose is working. He doesn’t know anything else, he was staring at his phone waiting for it to ring…and I will be honest… I don’t think he gets remotely close to the salary he had, with the flexible hours like being at dialysis from 4:30-9am 3x a week in his sixties. His health isn’t great. (I’m not going to say that to him, but it’s what I’m thinking quietly in my head trying to figure out the numbers game of bills.)

I probably said the wrong thing at the wrong time, but telling him he could sell his house, live with us and retire didn’t go over well. Or, sell and move to the havasu house with his brother didn’t go well either. He said it wasn’t my new husbands or my problem. He was upset I said it. He just wants me to do his resume and help him apply for jobs tomorrow.

I need to figure out health insurance since he relies on dialysis tomorrow as well. I just don’t know how to comfort him or what to do- he just gets angry and shuts down.

 

[hallett21]

This is shitty. Just need to vent. You are all mostly guys here. I don’t know what to do. I will say for my own selfish reasons- I really feel like sometimes I don’t get much a break. I do try to find the positive in things, I have always tried to do that, but sometimes I really do feel beat down and want to say what the f do I have to figure out now?! I’m not going to lie, I am struggling with my own issues and some days I am not very positive.

We get back from our river trip and my dad goes into work today to find out his department is all released, including him. He had a procedure yesterday so today he went back for a meeting. They gave him severance pay, etc. It was a reasonable package. They are going to use outside vendors now. I am just more upset that he would bend over backwards for the job. My dad has been with the company for 20+ years. His identity was the company and I mean would kill himself working for this company. I would get so mad at him, but he would get out of a procedure, rest at home and go finish the work because he cared so much about the company. I believe he had a little bit of an “immigrant mentally.” Not the ones that take advantage of a system, but the hardworking, will do anything - no matter what it takes in fear of being fired mentally. He came here after the civil wars in Lebanon in the 80s and he has had 2-3 jobs since. If someone called, he showed up, no matter how tired he was.

I picked him up after my doctors appointment. He was broken. He doesn’t cry. Well, he did today. I am in shock. I see my dad go to dialysis for hours, 3x a week and still go to work afterwards for another 10+ hours. He never complained. I have never seen him so crushed. His purpose is working. He doesn’t know anything else, he was staring at his phone waiting for it to ring…and I will be honest… I don’t think he gets remotely close to the salary he had, with the flexible hours like being at dialysis from 4:30-9am 3x a week in his sixties. His health isn’t great. (I’m not going to say that to him, but it’s what I’m thinking quietly in my head trying to figure out the numbers game of bills.)

I probably said the wrong thing at the wrong time, but telling him he could sell his house, live with us and retire didn’t go over well. Or, sell and move to the havasu house with his brother didn’t go well either. He said it wasn’t my new husbands or my problem. He was upset I said it. He just wants me to do his resume and help him apply for jobs tomorrow.

I need to figure out health insurance since he relies on dialysis tomorrow as well. I just don’t know how to comfort him or what to do- he just gets angry and shuts down.

He may just need a day or 2 to process what happened.

I would try to not take it personally (which is obviously impossible).

You looking out for him and his interest is something special but it may take days or weeks for him to realize.

Sorry to hear you and your dad are having to go through this.

Edit. As far as insurance he should be good through the end of June correct?

 

[Socalx09]

He may just need a day or 2 to process what happened.

I would try to not take it personally (which is obviously impossible).

You looking out for him and his interest is something special but it may take days or weeks for him to realize.

Sorry to hear you and your dad are having to go through this.

Edit. As far as insurance he should be good through the end of June correct?

As far as insurance goes, I believe so. I really don’t know much about this, but some of the coworkers that reached out to him told him something about “cobra.” He is 62. I need to call the Davita insurance counselor tomorrow and Kaiser.

I think I was trying to be too positive with him today instead of letting him process what just happened. So giving him time is probably best like you said. I have just always been the caretaker of my family and this is something I can’t fix. He said he was letting his mom down as well. I am sitting at a desk breaking down numbers because ideally I’d want my dad to enjoy himself at this age. I don’t know how many years he really has left. I didn’t think he was going to be around this year, but he agreed to go on dialysis. But, he was no where close on retiring unless something happened to him.

I think we are all in shock.

 

[monkeyswrench]

In '12, I received a letter telling me I was laid off...the day of Mom's funeral. Sometimes you just say F' it!
All things happen for a reason. We may have no clue as to why, or what it will lead to.

Your dad isn't alone, immigrant/construction mentality, stubborn and proud. He'll try and figure it out, and won't ask for help...but may accept it if it's offered. As far as him saying it's not you or your new husband's problem, go "immigrant" in return. Family is family, blood is blood. We help our own.

Just another day and another solution to find...it will all work out.

 

[rivrrts429]

He may just need a day or 2 to process what happened.

I would try to not take it personally (which is obviously impossible).

You looking out for him and his interest is something special but it may take days or weeks for him to realize.

Sorry to hear you and your dad are having to go through this.

Edit. As far as insurance he should be good through the end of June correct?

Great advice. Let him process. We’re guys. We’re not as complex as women. It may just take him a minute to get his compass focused.

 

[hallett21]

As far as insurance goes, I believe so. I really don’t know much about this, but some of the coworkers that reached out to him told him something about “cobra.” He is 62. I need to call the Davita insurance counselor tomorrow and Kaiser.

I think I was trying to be too positive with him today instead of letting him process what just happened. So giving him time is probably best like you said. I have just always been the caretaker of my family and this is something I can’t fix. He said he was letting his mom down as well. I am sitting at a desk breaking down numbers because ideally I’d want my dad to enjoy himself at this age. I don’t know how many years he really has left. I didn’t think he was going to be around this year, but he agreed to go on dialysis. But, he was no where close on retiring unless something happened to him.

I think we are all in shock.

As far as insurance goes “typically” and someone more knowledgeable than myself can clarify but you should be good for 30 days.

Cobra is an expensive alternative. Effectively you get the same coverage you had as an employee but you pay out of pocket. I believe you can be on cobra for up to a year?

Like @rivrrts429 said men and women process things differently. It has no bearing on how much you care and I’m pretty sure your dad knows how much you care. But sometimes we all need a few days to process. The fact that he said he let his own mom down means he’s still processing.

You’re a badass for trying to get ahead of this. At 11pm at night you probably won’t get the right eyes on this thread. But we can bump it and get the right peoples eyes on it.

 

[Melloyellovector]

He’s a man and a father, his pride tells him he needs to figure it out on his own, like he’s done his entire life. It absolutely sucks. When shit hits the fan, most men don’t want to talk it out. They rarely want advice, or ask for help. It’s why men die earlier and suicide rates are higher w males. Most take on the responsibility, liability, and stress etc of life for our families. For most of us the option is, don’t worry about I’ll figure it out. Currently he likely just needs to process this. Give him some time for reality to kick in. If he wants help w resume to find something else. Then for now do exactly that. He may find something. Or give him time to consider his options selling house etc. It may be right, but he needs to make that decision and feel like it’s a good thing and not a burden to everyone else.
Basically give him some time.
Insurance, as long as ex employer isn’t closing, he should be able to get cobra for now. He can also get covered ca shit outside of enrollment dates, he’ll qualify losing job and having urgent care needs.
hang in there.

My chick was told last week the company she’s worked at for over 30 years is closing next week. So her and the rest of the employees are fukt. Luckily she has me

They’re all middle aged + women with little notice, no severance, very few have money saved, most are single gals with kids or grandkids living w em. Also told them insurance will be gone and no cobra option. gas cards gone, car payments gone, the list goes on. The owner died last year. His ex wife got the company, she doesn’t want to deal w the debt. Says close the doors and file BK.

Its life, can’t have mountains with out valleys

 

[HNL2LHC]

Sorry to hear of the current challenges. My wife had similar challenges with employment and health care. Best of luck on finding a new job. With the current need for quality employees and flexible remote schedules I am sure he will find a company that needs a committed employee. There are two things on the medical. There is cobra and you can be on it for 18 months. This can be pricey but it allows you to figure out your direction and explore all options. The other thing is at 62 when will he bell to get on Medicare? This might be a solution for the interim. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[clarence]

His identity was the company... His purpose is working. He doesn’t know anything else...

I don’t know how many years he really has left. I didn’t think he was going to be around this year, but he agreed to go on dialysis. But, he was no where close on retiring unless something happened to him.

Maybe the best thing that could have happened to him?

 

[Joe mama]

What your telling us is the definition of a real man, unlike what future real dads will be like.

 

[Singleton]

Help as you can, but remember most parents don’t want to burden their kids with issues.
Get his resume updated and help him apply to as many jobs as possible.
Sounds like a proud, hard working individual that should find something.

Insurance - Cobra allows you access to the same insurance you had, but you pay 100% of the costs. Expect the monthly fee to be over $1500 a month. His insurance at work would have extended until the end of the month, but since he was terminated on the 31st, insurance expires the 31st and will have no carry over into June.

 

[TBulger]

Great advice. Let him process. We’re guys. We’re not as complex as women. It may just take him a minute to get his compass focused.

This is pretty much right on for most of us at least. So sorry for your troubles, stay positive and you will get through this.
I’ve kept my company going for 35 years so my son could take over and finish out his life with meaningful work; well he passed away at 55 and now I’m 82 and still running it, can’t let 40+ family's down just because I’d like to retire. Honestly, I don’t really mind it and it’s keeping me going and with my luck I’ll live to 100, geez.

 

[Rayson1971]

Check his insurance. I know I have a 690 hr back log before it expires. Which means I can be out of work for almost 3 months and still have insurance.

 

[WildWilly]

Seems to be going around, I was cut a couple weeks ago after 14+ years. Definitely tough to process when I'm sure like your dad, I planned to finish my career there. I get what he's feeling, just be supportive in what ever method.or.direction he chooses to.deal with it

 

[EmpirE231]

Damn I can relate! My dad is about the same age, Lebanese and we landed in America in the late 80’s with nothing. If your dad was able to
Navigate that, he will be able to navigate this.

My dad was in construction his whole life… worked for the same “friend” for 30 years or so… loyal to the end, even though he was screwed by this “friend” the whole way. Last to get paid, always asked to do 10x more than anyone else and paid late if paid at all, etc etc. needless to say, never were set up financially other than owning their home (still has a mortgage). So when his friends company shut down and he was out of a job…. It made for interesting times.

My dad is stubborn as hell, worked hard his whole life. Taught us work ethic, and her he was ready to throw in the towel. Sat at home for almost a year, doing small side jobs here and there… which barely covered the mortgage payment. My brother and I had our heads spinning with ideas of what to do… we were bouncing around the same ideas of having them sell their house and who would they live with (4 of us children) we were also doing the math to see how much each of us would have to pitch in monthly to just allow them to continue living at their home. Also considered looking into reverse mortgages. It really adds a lot of stress.

Thankfully he gets a call out of the blue one day from an old friend / someone he did work for in the past. This guy was looking for a new superintendent. My dad starts there, hesitantly (like I said, it looked like he wanted to give up) and now about a year and a half into it, he’s happier than ever. Actually has a legit superintendent position where he no longer has to work with his hands, doesn’t have to hop on and operate the equipment or destroy his own tools on the job site. He has a bit of commuting to do…but is happy and doing better financially than he ever has. Him and my mom are comfortable…. And we only hope this can continue for several more years, as this buys us kids more time. Lebanese families take care of each other.

I’d help him freshen up the resume and even look for places to apply. I personally leaned towards the reverse mortgage option since it would have allowed them to live at their own home. Depending on equity and current value… this may make sense. Best thing to do right now is give him a little time to process. But check in with them daily and just see if they need anything, let them know you’re there.

 

[coolchange]

Tough situation for sure. It will work out.
Being on dialysis, wouldn’t that qualify him for disability?

 

[Ragged Edge]

This is shitty. Just need to vent. You are all mostly guys here. I don’t know what to do. I will say for my own selfish reasons- I really feel like sometimes I don’t get much a break. I do try to find the positive in things, I have always tried to do that, but sometimes I really do feel beat down and want to say what the f do I have to figure out now?! I’m not going to lie, I am struggling with my own issues and some days I am not very positive.

We get back from our river trip and my dad goes into work today to find out his department is all released, including him. He had a procedure yesterday so today he went back for a meeting. They gave him severance pay, etc. It was a reasonable package. They are going to use outside vendors now. I am just more upset that he would bend over backwards for the job. My dad has been with the company for 20+ years. His identity was the company and I mean would kill himself working for this company. I would get so mad at him, but he would get out of a procedure, rest at home and go finish the work because he cared so much about the company. I believe he had a little bit of an “immigrant mentally.” Not the ones that take advantage of a system, but the hardworking, will do anything - no matter what it takes in fear of being fired mentally. He came here after the civil wars in Lebanon in the 80s and he has had 2-3 jobs since. If someone called, he showed up, no matter how tired he was.

I picked him up after my doctors appointment. He was broken. He doesn’t cry. Well, he did today. I am in shock. I see my dad go to dialysis for hours, 3x a week and still go to work afterwards for another 10+ hours. He never complained. I have never seen him so crushed. His purpose is working. He doesn’t know anything else, he was staring at his phone waiting for it to ring…and I will be honest… I don’t think he gets remotely close to the salary he had, with the flexible hours like being at dialysis from 4:30-9am 3x a week in his sixties. His health isn’t great. (I’m not going to say that to him, but it’s what I’m thinking quietly in my head trying to figure out the numbers game of bills.)

I probably said the wrong thing at the wrong time, but telling him he could sell his house, live with us and retire didn’t go over well. Or, sell and move to the havasu house with his brother didn’t go well either. He said it wasn’t my new husbands or my problem. He was upset I said it. He just wants me to do his resume and help him apply for jobs tomorrow.

I need to figure out health insurance since he relies on dialysis tomorrow as well. I just don’t know how to comfort him or what to do- he just gets angry and shuts down.

He needs to look into how to become an outside vendor, or apply with the outside vendor that the company is hiring to do the work he used to do.

 

[Desert Whaler]

Great advice given here.
Keep being positive, supportive, and helpful . . . you may have to 'strategically' bite your tongue a little bit at key moments when Pops stubbornness & pride is firing.
But keep moving together in the right direction & things will work out.
Prayers to both of You !

 

[rivermobster]

What does he do?

Where does he live?

Maybe someone on here needs a rock solid employee.

Or...

Call these guys if he's in California. Best call I ever made.

HICAP - California Health Advocates

HICAP (the Health Insurance Counseling & Advocacy Program) provides free and objective information and counseling about Medicare. Volunteer counselors can

cahealthadvocates.org

 

[C_J_J_C]

The above advice is great. Re-read it.

Now my advice.
Every guy I know needs a "Solution" or plan first or their mind spins and they cant focus, improve or change plans as time goes on. Right now your dad's solution is another job.... accept it and support it and let him improve on it on his own time. Give him options or suggestions if he asks but only if he asks.

Insurance is COBRA - 36 Months of the same coverage just paid by him. In his position pay it - it is expensive, it sucks, but he can not afford not to. Maybe something better comes along but for now it is a "Solution."

 

[Socalx09]

Thank you all for the advice and words. It was very informative because I honestly have no idea how any of this works.

Today, he is spiraling. I am just letting him vent. I’m just giving him time to process like you all have mentioned. He really feels like he failed.

He has insurance until the end of June. I talked to the Davita insurance social worker and she gave some of the options. She wants me to go in to talk to her to explain it better. Like many said- Cobra. If he chooses to, go out on permanent disability with his kidney condition and could be covered under Medicare early. They actually aren’t worried about continuing insurance since he qualifies with his condition. That was my biggest worry.

He gets to keep all the tools, work van, etc. -even a trailer mounted pressure washer so he could start something if he wants to.

Just wanted to post a quick update while I’m on hold with his social worker for his insurance.

 

[clarence]

If he chooses to, go out on permanent disability with his kidney condition and could be covered under Medicare early.

That's great.

 

[HubbaHubbaLife]

This is shitty. Just need to vent. You are all mostly guys here. I don’t know what to do. I will say for my own selfish reasons- I really feel like sometimes I don’t get much a break. I do try to find the positive in things, I have always tried to do that, but sometimes I really do feel beat down and want to say what the f do I have to figure out now?! I’m not going to lie, I am struggling with my own issues and some days I am not very positive.

We get back from our river trip and my dad goes into work today to find out his department is all released, including him. He had a procedure yesterday so today he went back for a meeting. They gave him severance pay, etc. It was a reasonable package. They are going to use outside vendors now. I am just more upset that he would bend over backwards for the job. My dad has been with the company for 20+ years. His identity was the company and I mean would kill himself working for this company. I would get so mad at him, but he would get out of a procedure, rest at home and go finish the work because he cared so much about the company. I believe he had a little bit of an “immigrant mentally.” Not the ones that take advantage of a system, but the hardworking, will do anything - no matter what it takes in fear of being fired mentally. He came here after the civil wars in Lebanon in the 80s and he has had 2-3 jobs since. If someone called, he showed up, no matter how tired he was.

I picked him up after my doctors appointment. He was broken. He doesn’t cry. Well, he did today. I am in shock. I see my dad go to dialysis for hours, 3x a week and still go to work afterwards for another 10+ hours. He never complained. I have never seen him so crushed. His purpose is working. He doesn’t know anything else, he was staring at his phone waiting for it to ring…and I will be honest… I don’t think he gets remotely close to the salary he had, with the flexible hours like being at dialysis from 4:30-9am 3x a week in his sixties. His health isn’t great. (I’m not going to say that to him, but it’s what I’m thinking quietly in my head trying to figure out the numbers game of bills.)

I probably said the wrong thing at the wrong time, but telling him he could sell his house, live with us and retire didn’t go over well. Or, sell and move to the havasu house with his brother didn’t go well either. He said it wasn’t my new husbands or my problem. He was upset I said it. He just wants me to do his resume and help him apply for jobs tomorrow.

I need to figure out health insurance since he relies on dialysis tomorrow as well. I just don’t know how to comfort him or what to do- he just gets angry and shuts down.

So after reading your post is it safe to assume you are a woman? Thats me providing some humor. If you are a woman, I have come to understand that at times a woman merely needs to be heard and since you did correctly state that most of the folks on here are men we as men are conditioned to attempt to "fix" things for women when they voice their challenges. That being said I didn't see you ask for assistance nor guidance and advice. My married guys tell me always wait to be asked for help don't assume.... how am I doing so far?

 

[RVR SWPR]

Socal,possibly consider your Dad going back into the main office tomorrow morning.Sit down with the main guy and talk this situation over,possibly he became included on a list that needed more consideration,20 years and his dedication with this company,they going to miss him. Also,if could work out part time.
Your post regarding family no surprise,over the years obvious you guys close.

 

[SassyRN]

As far as insurance goes, I believe so. I really don’t know much about this, but some of the coworkers that reached out to him told him something about “cobra.” He is 62. I need to call the Davita insurance counselor tomorrow and Kaiser.

I think I was trying to be too positive with him today instead of letting him process what just happened. So giving him time is probably best like you said. I have just always been the caretaker of my family and this is something I can’t fix. He said he was letting his mom down as well. I am sitting at a desk breaking down numbers because ideally I’d want my dad to enjoy himself at this age. I don’t know how many years he really has left. I didn’t think he was going to be around this year, but he agreed to go on dialysis. But, he was no where close on retiring unless something happened to him.

I think we are all in shock.

So sorry he's having to go through this. Has your dad started the process for SSDI? With his diagnosis and being on HD, he pretty much is an automatic qualifier. The problem is it's a long process and you guys may want to get a consultation with a disability attorney. The diagnosis alone will expedite the process and then he will have Medicare benefits.

 

[rivermobster]

Thank you all for the advice and words. It was very informative because I honestly have no idea how any of this works.

Today, he is spiraling. I am just letting him vent. I’m just giving him time to process like you all have mentioned. He really feels like he failed.

He has insurance until the end of June. I talked to the Davita insurance social worker and she gave some of the options. She wants me to go in to talk to her to explain it better. Like many said- Cobra. If he chooses to, go out on permanent disability with his kidney condition and could be covered under Medicare early. They actually aren’t worried about continuing insurance since he qualifies with his condition. That was my biggest worry.

He gets to keep all the tools, work van, etc. -even a trailer mounted pressure washer so he could start something if he wants to.

Just wanted to post a quick update while I’m on hold with his social worker for his insurance.

Awesome news.

Him being able to qualify for perminent disability is awesome.

Tell him it's not like someone is "supporting" him so to speak, tell him he EARNED that shit!!!

They have been taking out of his paycheck his whole life. It's time to reap what he's sown!

He's earned the right to not work anymore. Try and present it to him from that angle.

 

[Socalx09]

Awesome news.

Him being able to qualify for perminent disability is awesome.

Tell him it's not like someone is "supporting" him so to speak, tell him he EARNED that shit!!!

They have been taking out of his paycheck his whole life. It's time to reap what he's sown!

He's earned the right to not work anymore. Try and present it to him from that angle.

This is what Im hoping for. I gave him about 5 options for him to think about. He was just killing himself all those hours plus the dialysis schedule of waking up at 4am. He actually seems so much more relaxed over the weekend. He even admitted he hasn’t chest pain this weekend. This was news to me that he even had chest pain that would come and go.

 

[Socalx09]

In '12, I received a letter telling me I was laid off...the day of Mom's funeral. Sometimes you just say F' it!
All things happen for a reason. We may have no clue as to why, or what it will lead to.

Your dad isn't alone, immigrant/construction mentality, stubborn and proud. He'll try and figure it out, and won't ask for help...but may accept it if it's offered. As far as him saying it's not you or your new husband's problem, go "immigrant" in return. Family is family, blood is blood. We help our own.

Just another day and another solution to find...it will all work out.

Geez that is horrible. Im sorry! I think this definitely happened for a reason. It just was a complete shock given how the company has always been.

This is what I told him, let me help take care of you now or at least let him semi retire so he doesn’t have to stress so much. He can just work enough here, live with me/ or figure out a backyard plan since we have a larger property and then go out to havasu for an extended weekend. Instead of worrying about making enough money to pay the bills. I’d rather him just enjoy his life and do what he wants. I don’t want him cutting things he enjoys at this stage in his life.

 

[Socalx09]

As far as insurance goes “typically” and someone more knowledgeable than myself can clarify but you should be good for 30 days.

Cobra is an expensive alternative. Effectively you get the same coverage you had as an employee but you pay out of pocket. I believe you can be on cobra for up to a year?

Like @rivrrts429 said men and women process things differently. It has no bearing on how much you care and I’m pretty sure your dad knows how much you care. But sometimes we all need a few days to process. The fact that he said he let his own mom down means he’s still processing.

You’re a badass for trying to get ahead of this. At 11pm at night you probably won’t get the right eyes on this thread. But we can bump it and get the right peoples eyes on it.

Thankfully, he has calmed down a lot. I really appreciate all the advice you gave. It helped me a lot!

He needs to look into how to become an outside vendor, or apply with the outside vendor that the company is hiring to do the work he used to do.

The outside vendors ended up calling him and he has two interviews this week. They also got the ok from his old company who highly recommended him. That may give him some more options. I just hope he doesn’t commit to the same workload he has previously.

 

[Socalx09]

Damn I can relate! My dad is about the same age, Lebanese and we landed in America in the late 80’s with nothing. If your dad was able to
Navigate that, he will be able to navigate this.

My dad was in construction his whole life… worked for the same “friend” for 30 years or so… loyal to the end, even though he was screwed by this “friend” the whole way. Last to get paid, always asked to do 10x more than anyone else and paid late if paid at all, etc etc. needless to say, never were set up financially other than owning their home (still has a mortgage). So when his friends company shut down and he was out of a job…. It made for interesting times.

My dad is stubborn as hell, worked hard his whole life. Taught us work ethic, and her he was ready to throw in the towel. Sat at home for almost a year, doing small side jobs here and there… which barely covered the mortgage payment. My brother and I had our heads spinning with ideas of what to do… we were bouncing around the same ideas of having them sell their house and who would they live with (4 of us children) we were also doing the math to see how much each of us would have to pitch in monthly to just allow them to continue living at their home. Also considered looking into reverse mortgages. It really adds a lot of stress.

Thankfully he gets a call out of the blue one day from an old friend / someone he did work for in the past. This guy was looking for a new superintendent. My dad starts there, hesitantly (like I said, it looked like he wanted to give up) and now about a year and a half into it, he’s happier than ever. Actually has a legit superintendent position where he no longer has to work with his hands, doesn’t have to hop on and operate the equipment or destroy his own tools on the job site. He has a bit of commuting to do…but is happy and doing better financially than he ever has. Him and my mom are comfortable…. And we only hope this can continue for several more years, as this buys us kids more time. Lebanese families take care of each other.

I’d help him freshen up the resume and even look for places to apply. I personally leaned towards the reverse mortgage option since it would have allowed them to live at their own home. Depending on equity and current value… this may make sense. Best thing to do right now is give him a little time to process. But check in with them daily and just see if they need anything, let them know you’re there.

This hit home. That’s my dad to a T. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad getting screwed, but was happy to read on that he found a great job and is happy. I also found it comforting to read your siblings and you were trying to find ways to have them continue living in their home. I have had some people tell me it’s not my problem at all. And, I just want to respond, you don’t get it, this is what just what we do. We take care of each other.

Yep, came here with nothing. He helped his dad when he became sick, moved his mom into his house when he passed. My dad has always taken care of my grandma. He has also taken care of me, and raised me the same way. I just want to be able to help take care of him. I do not want him to worry about keeping a house over his head long term. He has a boat slip at the marina which makes it so much easier on him especially with coming in later on a Friday after dialysis. We decided to get a storage unit for our boat again this summer which is actually more than his slip fee for his boat. I was about to cancel our storage unit and we could just tow our boat back and forth just to pay for his slip if I had to. I have found a few ways to save him money monthly, but I’m not going to cut the very thing that he loves to do.

I’ll definitely look into a reverse mortgage. I didn’t think of that when I was figuring out all his options. Thank you.

 

[wishiknew]

No reverse mortgage and Medicare is priority now

 

[HNL2LHC]

Thank you all for the advice and words. It was very informative because I honestly have no idea how any of this works.

Today, he is spiraling. I am just letting him vent. I’m just giving him time to process like you all have mentioned. He really feels like he failed.

He has insurance until the end of June. I talked to the Davita insurance social worker and she gave some of the options. She wants me to go in to talk to her to explain it better. Like many said- Cobra. If he chooses to, go out on permanent disability with his kidney condition and could be covered under Medicare early. They actually aren’t worried about continuing insurance since he qualifies with his condition. That was my biggest worry.

He gets to keep all the tools, work van, etc. -even a trailer mounted pressure washer so he could start something if he wants to.

Just wanted to post a quick update while I’m on hold with his social worker for his insurance.

Just want to give a little insight on disability. We have been fighting with them for about 18 months for my wife. They have denied our request 2 times. Today we actually have a call with our attorney in preparation of the case to be heard from judge for the final time. My wife’s issue is not the same so who knows how your claim would go. All I know is that it could take some time with the government and I’d hate to see you go that route thinking that it is a slam dunk. Then have it take too long and you start having huge financial difficulties. Perhaps get him back to work somehow and then start the process so that the disability is handled for the future.

What ever you do best of luck!!!

 

[rivermobster]

Just want to give a little insight on disability. We have been fight with them for about 18 months for my wife. They have denied our request 2 times. TOday we actually have a call with our attorney in preparation of the case to be heard from judge for the final time. My wife’s issue is not the same so who knows how your claim would go. All I know is that it could take some time with the government and I’d hate to see you go that route thinking that it is a slam dunk. Then have it take too long and you start having huge financial difficulties. Perhaps get him back to work somehow and then start the process so that the disability is handled for the future.

What ever you do best of luck!!!

This.

Disability is Always a fight!! My good friends wife is on it because she is legally deaf. But even with that declaration in hand, they still had to fight for it!

It weeds out the people trying to fake it I guess?

But it was totally worth it. She worked her whole life for what she gets now. Totally worth it to them.

 

[HNL2LHC]

This.

Disability is Always a fight!! My good friends wife is on it because she is legally deaf. But even with that declaration in hand, they still had to fight for it!

It weeds out the people trying to fake it I guess?

But it was totally worth it. She worked her whole life for what she gets now. Totally worth it to them.

Not to side track this thread but…what annoys me is that this has been a drain on the wife’s life with all the communications. We decided F it and we’d just wait 9 the years until 62 and take SS. So we informed the attorneys and they said that we can’t do that because the insurance company that has been paying the long term disability claim wants to collect the money they have paid from the government. ARGH!!!!!

 

[rivermobster]

Not to side track this thread but…what annoys me is that this has been a drain on the wife’s life with all the communications. We decided F it and we’d just wait 9 the years until 62 and take SS. So we informed the attorneys and they said that we can’t do that because the insurance company that has been paying the long term disability claim wants to collect the money they have paid from the government. ARGH!!!!!

Good luck mang. Hope you get what you've earned.

 

[Socalx09]

Well, my dad got the job with one of the outside vendors. He won’t be working 60+ hours a week anymore. So I’m happy about that. 32-45 hours a week. It is enough to cover his bills and mortgage. He starts in a few weeks since he decided to take time off to go to havasu. He is very relieved and seems happier.

 

[Socalx09]

Just want to give a little insight on disability. We have been fighting with them for about 18 months for my wife. They have denied our request 2 times. Today we actually have a call with our attorney in preparation of the case to be heard from judge for the final time. My wife’s issue is not the same so who knows how your claim would go. All I know is that it could take some time with the government and I’d hate to see you go that route thinking that it is a slam dunk. Then have it take too long and you start having huge financial difficulties. Perhaps get him back to work somehow and then start the process so that the disability is handled for the future.

What ever you do best of luck!!!

That is so messed up. I can’t believe you guys have been denied twice. I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope the best for you two and that the judge grants the disability. It shouldn’t take that long.

He ended up getting a job yesterday. He is losing a bit of salary, but it’s less demanding. But, he has full benefits I believe after 30 days. So I’m guessing I’ll have to pay Cobra for 1 month because I’m not sure Medicare acts that fast either. I will continue his disability paperwork since it could be a battle like you mentioned. Thank you for the heads up.

 

[79 HUSTLER]

Well, my dad got the job with one of the outside vendors. He won’t be working 60+ hours a week anymore. So I’m happy about that. 32-45 hours a week. It is enough to cover his bills and mortgage. He starts in a few weeks since he decided to take time off to go to havasu. He is very relieved and seems happier.

Excellent news!!! It’s not hard for good workers to land a job. Congrats to your dad.

 

[AZmike]

I'm glad your father found work, from all that I read that seems to be his passion and what keeps him active and happy. If you need any assistance with Medicare let me know. My old lady is a Medicare health plan advisor. I can PM you her number she's in Orange for a couple more months till she moves to Havasu. She'd be happy to answer any questions and offer some guidance into that confusing world.

 

[HNL2LHC]

That is so messed up. I can’t believe you guys have been denied twice. I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope the best for you two and that the judge grants the disability. It shouldn’t take that long.

He ended up getting a job yesterday. He is losing a bit of salary, but it’s less demanding. But, he has full benefits I believe after 30 days. So I’m guessing I’ll have to pay Cobra for 1 month because I’m not sure Medicare acts that fast either. I will continue his disability paperwork since it could be a battle like you mentioned. Thank you for the heads up.

Thanks for the comments and support. Great to hear Dad is getting settled in. As for my wife it has been hard. The day was really draining for the wife. She ended up sleeping for 10 hours last night and still drained this morning. She seams to be 60% for the day so far. I hate it as I have no say in the hearing and she is not able to recall these issue to convey it to the judge. This flat out sucks and to see my wife breakdown is heartbreaking for me. I can’t even look at her when she had the call yesterday as she would be looking for help from me.

Oh, well sorry for the rant on my end but so happy for your Dad. Post up if you are in Havasu and I’d be happy to buy the family a few drinks.

 

[monkeyswrench]

@Socalx09 , glad your dad is taking some time, and then going back to a new job. Aquatic therapy helps us all. Less money monthly may not be a bad trade out for better health, and a better frame of mind.

Oh, and fuk those other guys!

 

[v6toy4x]

Its life, can’t have mountains with out valleys

That is a life lesson statement right there