Kid's say the darndest things

[rvrmom]

Parent's I know you've got some good one's... I'll kick it off

So this morning Ryan come's up to me after getting dressed and ask's

Mom... is it going to dazzle this morning? Huh?? You mean drizzle? Yeah that's what I meant LOL!!!

And last weekend after I got the Xmas tree up he wanted to know when we could put ottoman's on the tree.

For those with babies these are things that are absolutely going to make you double over in laughter when they get older.

 

[shintoooo]

My 1st grader this morning:

"Dad I was playing soccer with the big kids after school yesterday - 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th graders - and I was goalie. man! i'm so good! only like 6 got by me!"

 

[Cole Trickle]

My 2 y/o

I got out of the shower and he asked me why I have 3 legs but only wear 2 shoes...lol

 

[RiverDave]

My 2 y/o

I got out of the shower and he asked me why I have 3 legs but only wear 2 shoes...lol

LOL...

RD

 

[rvrmom]

My 1st grader this morning:

"Dad I was playing soccer with the big kids after school yesterday - 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th graders - and I was goalie. man! i'm so good! only like 6 got by me!"

:thumbsup LOL!

 

[Just 4 fun]

I had 3 crystal roses in a vase in the formal livingroom and 1 day I notice that there was only 2 .......so I ask the girls Hey, what happen to my other crystal rose......... my 10 y/o says mommy your never believe this, last week when you were gone this BIG wind storm came blowing threw the front door and blow the crystal roses down, I caught 2 but couldn't caught the other.......I looked at her and said, yea right it must have been a hell of a wind storm, more like a tornado......Anyways I couldn't get mad at her, I thought that was a hell of a story for an 10 y/o to come up with

 

[Dave Wettlaufer]

When my son was about 4 or 5 there was something on tv in black and white and he asked me if they had color when I was a kid.
Not color tv, color!

 

[MisplacedSooner]

We went to Orlando two weeks ago, Im not big on flying and this is my almost 4yr olds first time flying..I have a few drinks before liftoff so Im not doing bad...Airplane gets ready to take off, pilot hits the gas we get airborne for about two seconds...My son starts screaming and laughing at the same time on the 737...WERE GONNA CRASH, WERE GONNA CRASH....took me me about 4 minutes to get him to stop talking to loud....When we were flying back to KC it was bumpy and at least he started just saying yeaaah, roller coaster....kinda embarassing. but what do you do...

 

[Mattman]

Sitting at a stop light with a car in front of me. My 7 and 5 year old girls are sitting in the back seat. Light turns green and car in front doesn't move. Forgetting the kids are in the back seat, I say, "C'mon ya' douchebag!" 5 year old voice from the back seat, "Daddy, what's a douchebag?"

 

[500bbc]

We're on a toon at Parker and I ask my wife "Sugar Drawers" to grab me a beer. My friends son Max pipes up "I want something from the sugar drawers!"



His dad says "We all do Max.......We all do".

 

[rvrmom]

Sitting at a stop light with a car in front of me. My 7 and 5 year old girls are sitting in the back seat. Light turns green and car in front doesn't move. Forgetting the kids are in the back seat, I say, "C'mon ya' douchebag!" 5 year old voice from the back seat, "Daddy, what's a douchebag?"

I have a very very foul mouth... So does my whole family and when I was a kid it was always known, those are adult words, you can't say those.

Flame on for anyone that doesn't curse around there kids, I doubt it around here

anyway, when kiddo was about 4, I said Ry go open the front door for Mom, my hands were loaded. We were havin cold Santa Ana's so it was FREEZING.

He turns around and promptly states "Mom it's FUCKIN cold out. My head swung around like the exorcist? I said What? He repeated It's FUCKIN cold out like I'm deaf and retarded. Needless to say we had the adult/child language conversation :rotflmao:

 

[Magnethd]

At 2 yrs old, my daughter pokes her head in the bathroom, sees me peeing standing up and casually replies "neat trick, Dad".

 

[Just 4 fun]

I have a very very foul mouth... So does my whole family and when I was a kid it was always known, those are adult words, you can't say those.

Flame on for anyone that doesn't curse around there kids, I doubt it around here

anyway, when kiddo was about 4, I said Ry go open the front door for Mom, my hands were loaded. We were havin cold Santa Ana's so it was FREEZING.

He turns around and promptly states "Mom it's FUCKIN cold out. My head swung around like the exorcist? I said What? He repeated It's FUCKIN cold out like I'm deaf and retarded. Needless to say we had the adult/child language conversation :rotflmao:

Thats funny :lmao

 

[JBS]

I have a very very foul mouth... So does my whole family and when I was a kid it was always known, those are adult words, you can't say those.

Flame on for anyone that doesn't curse around there kids, I doubt it around here

anyway, when kiddo was about 4, I said Ry go open the front door for Mom, my hands were loaded. We were havin cold Santa Ana's so it was FREEZING.

He turns around and promptly states "Mom it's FUCKIN cold out. My head swung around like the exorcist? I said What? He repeated It's FUCKIN cold out like I'm deaf and retarded. Needless to say we had the adult/child language conversation :rotflmao:

That is a great story

 

[2Driver]

My 9 nine year old son and I stopped at the Giant gas station to pee in Payson AZ.

We were both taking care of business at the urinals and he looked up at the condom dispensers which depicted chicks in bikinis and said, "Dad check it out, they have adult trading cards" They guy at the 3rd Urinal was in tears.

 

[shintoooo]

My 9 nine year old son and I stopped at the Giant gas station to pee in Payson AZ.

We were both taking care of business at the urinals and he looked up at the condom dispensers which depicted chicks in bikinis and said, "Dad check it out, they have adult trading cards" They guy at the 3rd Urinal was in tears.

:rotflmao:

 

[Sharpy]

Our daughter is only 7 weeks so I don't have any stories of my own yet. But, I can share a couple from friends and family.

1st comes from my buddies wife about their 3 1/2 yo. -Paige told me last night that she hopes that Santa will bring her daddy some skinny jeans....

2nd comes from my nephew. While @ preschool, the kids are learning their 1-2-3's. As the teacher is asking different kids to tell her what comes after 1, then 2 then 3, she asks my nephew: Blake, what comes after 3? His reply: " a beat'n"!

 

[Jet-Daytona]

My 2 y/o

I got out of the shower and he asked me why I have 3 legs but only wear 2 shoes...lol

LIAR

 

[little rowe boat]

On Thanksgiving evening as all of our guests are leaving, My son says" i don't want the thanksgivers to leave"

 

[Dave Wettlaufer]

A father and his 7 year old daughter were driving down the street when Lorena Bobbit threw a dick out the window and it hit their windshield.
The daughter asked, "Daddy, what was that?"
He thought quick and said, "a bug!"
She sat there quiet for a couple minutes and then said, "Dad?"
"yes?", he answered.
"That bug sure had a big dick!"

 

[rivergoer]

well mine is from when i was a lil guy. around 5 years old. apparently we were at a friend of my moms wedding and nobody really supported it and during the middle of the vows or the part when the minister says does anybody have anthing to say i yelled out this is bull shit!!!

 

[Dave Wettlaufer]

well mine is from when i was a lil guy. around 5 years old. apparently we were at a friend of my moms wedding and nobody really supported it and during the middle of the vows or the part when the minister says does anybody have anthing to say i yelled out this is bull shit!!!

Classic! I got hammered and puked on everyone's coats at my Aunt's wedding.uke:

 

[rivermobster]

My son is a freakin smart azz, i dunno where he gets it from!!

We are standing in line at the store, and i see one of those Time/Life books.

The Brain, an owners manual.

I pick it up and start looking thru it and my son says to me...

Hey Dad...

Hmmm?

You know you have no use for that book, right?


I was laughin so hard, I coudnt get mad. Lil focker. :rotflmao:

 

[linus3]

I'm knee deep in the closet pulling out all the X-Mas stuff. We have a shit load. Not my favorite thing to do. Ive hit my head on the hanger bar maybe 6x's and I am quickly getting pissed. Daughter standing there and just watching instead of helping. I ask her if she wants to help. She says, " mom said I cant get dirty." Wife is upstairs cracking up. So right at the breaking point of freaking out cause I cant get the biggest box out, I hear. "Hey Dad, make it look like Disneyland" and slams the door to go outside. Wife cant stop laughing......Thanks Mickey

 

[Old Man Havasu]

Way back towing my little 16 ft boat on a two lane road. My three year old in a car seat. Mom is the driver 70% of the time. A small car is in front of me. This "LADY" screams up behind and is own my ass. Mad dogging me like why don't you MOVE!!!

Finally passes me on the right in the dirt I am thinking WTF?? I say out load StUPID LADY! My three year old says No Dad! You are supposed to say SHIT and HIT THE HONKER!

Wife busted!

 

[PAIN2RIVER]

My son is in the back yard playing with our Lab Roxy......... And you know how you kinda listen to them off and on....... I hear my boy who is like 3 years old "come here Roxy I am going to fuck you in the ASS"...... I ran out there and said WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT???? From Uncle Kieth Dad at the River..... Well that kinda talk stays at the river boy..... LOL :bash:

 

[callbob]

My 9 yo grand daughter some years back, was having a conversation with her father. He was getting ticked at her because this little girl has a mouth on her. Not sass back mouth, just answer for everything. So finally Alex says "you think you know everything don"t you". To which my little angel responds..........."No, I don't know how to play tetherball". Needless to say Alex runs in the house, goes in the garage and busts up.
Guess what grandpa got his little darlings for Xmas that year.

 

[rvrmom]

today... looking at a post from Jet Daytona. Kiddo see's his avatar LOL

Oh wow! she needs bigger bathing suit bottoms. Gosh I hope she doesn't have to take a poop, I don't want to jet ski at the river if there's poop in it :rotflmao:

 

[Jet-Daytona]

today... looking at a post from Jet Daytona. Kiddo see's his avatar LOL

Oh wow! she needs bigger bathing suit bottoms. Gosh I hope she doesn't have to take a poop, I don't want to jet ski at the river if there's poop in it :rotflmao:

sorry Mom,my first one got edited and we had to give her 1/2 a bikini. Merry Christmas you you and the Son.:thumbsup

 

[MisplacedSooner]

RD and Diva, see what you get to look forward too??? Enjoy and congrats again, kids say the darndest things...

 

[rvrmom]

Christmas edition

We are looking at a wreath on Friday night and he say's look Mom at the pretty wreath..

It's all decorated and has a cherub on it.

I say yep it's pretty he say's but why's it got a naked flying baby on it?

FLMAO!

 

[t&y]

My 5 year old walks into Kindergarten last year and goes up to the teacher and says "I have my dadies pants." Teacher asks her to repeat it, and she says it again then the teacher looks in her backpack thinking she actually had my pants. Turns out they had been talking about genetics or something and she equated Gene's with Pants:thumbsup

 

[Mblaster]

My 4th grade boy came home from school last week and told me a couple of the girls in his class were asking him if he'd had sex yet.
:smackhead:smackhead

 

[HolyMoly]

I was at lowes and my 8 year old asks the Lowes employee if they have Toilet Trees. :rotflmao:

 

[Jet-Daytona]

My 4th grade boy came home from school last week and told me a couple of the girls in his class were asking him if he'd had sex yet.
:smackhead:smackhead

:thumbsdown

 

[t&y]

My 4th grade boy came home from school last week and told me a couple of the girls in his class were asking him if he'd had sex yet.
:smackhead:smackhead

Wow, that could have some real bad implications. Hopefully just a big misunderstanding of what if means.