Dementia or Alzheimer's

[CarolynandBob]

Well a little over 2 yrs ago my nephew (son of my brother that has cirrhosis that he and I saved) and I started to worry about my moms memory. Some more back story is that he is very close to them as they had to help raise him. He also goes to their place for a month or 2 each winter.

She has had medical problems for years and it frustrated me that they were not proactive with their care. It seamed like they would just take what the Dr. said or their staff. So we tried to talk to them about her memory. They seam to get upset with us and would say it is just old age. She was 75 at the time. I would say that I am around a lot of 75 yr old's and my mom seamed worse. After some arguments they finally went to a neurologist. I was suppose to drive up and go with them, as I don't believe they tell us all their medical issues. They supposedly told me the wrong day, so I wasn't able to go. They went and told us the Dr said it was normal aging. We don't think they told that Dr all the info, but will never know.

Fast forward to last Easter when my wife and I went up there. They wanted to go out to eat as it was a lot of work for my mom to do an Easter dinner. This surprised me as she always loved to cook. I also noticed that she wouldn't eat much at a meal, but was always snacking on sweet stuff or chips. My nephew was going there for May and I told him to keep an eye out. He said that when ever she cooked grandpa would hover around her to make sure she didn't mess it up. I said her memory must be getting worse. He said she may be having some incontinence issues too, but he wasn't sure. He looked at a receipt that he thought was his and it had depends on it. He didn't realize what he saw until later.

I tried to have a conversation with them in June about aging, memory and other health issues they are having. Her emphysema and him copd. They were being kind of evasive. I talked to my nephew about it and he told me they had planned a trip to MI where he lives, without even seeing if the dates worked for him. That wasn't a big deal, but weird. So 11 days ago I call them to talk to them before they go on the trip.

Well my step-dad finally told me some of the stuff going on. She went to the grocery store and got lost. Ended up at a farm house (which farms are not very close to them). It was a nice couple and they drove her back to a road she knew and then left. Well by the time she made it home she had 2 flat tires and damage to the cars front lower shroud. Apparently she ran through a construction zone that thankfully it was on Sunday. Then he tells me that she hit a mailbox a month ago with the right mirror. I said well she can't drive anymore. He said that is easier said than done. She has always worn the pants in their relationship. I said we need to get her to a Dr and he said they would do that when they get back from their trip. I said don't go to the same neurologist that you went to last time. He said we wont and that a friend referred a Dr, but the earliest appt was in March. I told him he need to make phone calls when he is in MI.

Well fast forward to their trip and my nephew is like WTF. It is far worse than they let on. The incontinence is much worse. Her memory is really bad now. Even asking my nephew if he was adopted. I am not going to go into all the problems as I am sure you all get the point. So I ask my step-dad if he has made calls and no.

Well I am done with the way they are handling it. I get on the phone to some Dr's offices. They want referrals etc.... It takes me 2 days and I get one lady at a pretty high rated place that says yes we need a referral too, but let me see if I can help you. She said to tell her everything going on. I do and she asks who her primary is and tells me she will call me tomorrow. At that point I had been on the phone with her for an hour. The next day she calls and said she called my moms primary and got a referral. She said she can get my mom in next Wednesday and can I get her there. I said absolutely.

Then the talk with the parents. My step-dad seamed relieved that I took the ball a ran with it. My mom is very nervous and started saying if you put me in a home I will never forgiver any of you. My step-dad called me later and was worried about memory care places. I told him what the average cost was and he got real quiet. I said can you afford that and he said I don't think so. I said that I would cover what he couldn't afford as I want my mom in a nice place if she had to go into a home. He perked up after that.

So I guess we will see what happens Wednesday. I hope meds will help and that they take her drivers lic. although he did say he will sell her car.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Have any of you delt with this? Any advice? I so wish I had been more forceful 2 years ago.

 

[Sleek-Jet]

Same deal right now with my mother. We all noticed it several years ago. My brother took her to a neurologist who did the same "normal aging" BS. What we have since figured out is my Mom can put on a good show for about 30-45 minutes, until she runs out of energy. Just enough time to make it through an examination.

Things aren't getting better, and won't. On a recent visit she confused me with my brother more than once. She still recognizes her grand children but who knows for how long. Things that happened 5 minutes ago are a mystery to her but she can recall memories from her youth like she just lived them. The human brain is scary when it starts to fail.

She lost her driving privileges some time ago and has seemed alright with that. She knew things were getting worse and didn't fight losing that bit if her independence.

There isn't any silver bullets, and from our experience the doctors are hesitant to prescribe anything for memory loss (even after she finally was diagnosed correctly). In fact they are very quick to reject any proposed treatment.

 

[RitcheyRch]

One of the worst things I had to deal with was putting my Dad in an Alzheimers care facility. Thankfully found room for him at a board and care facility which is much cheaper than the typical care facility.

 

[poncho]

My Wife is the assistant director of an assisted living center with 80 beds, they only accept Alzheimer's and Dementia care patients.
She could tell you better what stage you are at but from my observations her residents are in a much better place to get the care they need.

By the time someone has moved into her place it has usually taken a tremendous toll on everyone involved.

One of the hardest things I've ever done was take the keys from my Grandfather.

There are no easy answers with this situation, go with what feels the best, your Mom is lucky to have you, sadly there are a lot of people in my Wifes facility that are basically being warehoused.

 

[DRYHEAT]

Sorry you guys are going through this, it’s a heartbreaking process and usually not a whole lot you can do to change the outcome.

 

[poncho]

One of the worst things I had to deal with was putting my Dad in an Alzheimers care facility. Thankfully found room for him at a board and care facility which is much cheaper than the typical care facility.

My little Sister moved our Aunt into what amounts to a huge home that's been converted into a care facility with full time live in staff. The place is beautiful and she is very happy there, half the cost of the place we moved her out of.

 

[lakemadness]

It's a caretaker's disease, too. Very hard on the family, especially the spouse.

My FIL is a few years into Alzheimer's. About a year ago he and my MIL moved into a senior facility, not a full-on assisted living but a nice place that could provide some support for seniors, make the progression a little easier. He outpaced that place fairly quickly and recently he moved into a full-blown memory care facility. It was way too hard on my MIL, but it still is. Drugs to help calm him down; put him in a fog. She has a long road to recovery herself. Both are early 70's. She has serious guilt, there are no other good options when an Alzheimer's patient gets into later stages.

The facilities are an unfortunate struggle. I have to imagine it is very hard to find staff that truly want to help and care for patients. Tough job. They have my FIL at one of the nicest places and there are still unfortunate issues. It's eye-popping the costs of caring for someone at this stage. Approaching 20K a month.

Best of luck, it's a hard road for all. It makes you consider assisted suicide and why there is no access for people who want to go that way. I know my FIL would not want to live like this and certainly not want to be a burden on anyone. Just sucks.

 

[TPC]

Dementia is the disorder covering categories, one category being Alzheimer's.

Wife's dad had Lewy Body category, same as Robin Williams and also ended his life early.

I would too.

I joke about the kids tie-ing me to a chair in the garage and feeding me dog food while cashing my checks. It'll never get to that point.

 

[poncho]

It's a caretaker's disease, too. Very hard on the family, especially the spouse.

My FIL is a few years into Alzheimer's. About a year ago he and my MIL moved into a senior facility, not a full-on assisted living but a nice place that could provide some support for seniors, make the progression a little easier. He outpaced that place fairly quickly and recently he moved into a full-blown memory care facility. It was way too hard on my MIL, but it still is. Drugs to help calm him down; put him in a fog. She has a long road to recovery herself. Both are early 70's. She has serious guilt, there are no other good options when an Alzheimer's patient gets into later stages.

The facilities are an unfortunate struggle. I have to imagine it is very hard to find staff that truly want to help and care for patients. Tough job. They have my FIL at one of the nicest places and there are still unfortunate issues. It's eye-popping the costs of caring for someone at this stage. Approaching 20K a month.

Best of luck, it's a hard road for all. It makes you consider assisted suicide and why there is no access for people who want to go that way. I know my FIL would not want to live like this and certainly not want to be a burden on anyone. Just sucks.

Hardest part of my Wifes job is staff, it's not a high paying job.

 

[CarolynandBob]

Same deal right now with my mother. We all noticed it several years ago. My brother took her to a neurologist who did the same "normal aging" BS. What we have since figured out is my Mom can put on a good show for about 30-45 minutes, until she runs out of energy. Just enough time to make it through an examination.

Things aren't getting better, and won't. On a recent visit she confused me with my brother more than once. She still recognizes her grand children but who knows for how long. Things that happened 5 minutes ago are a mystery to her but she can recall memories from her youth like she just lived them. The human brain is scary when it starts to fail.

She lost her driving privileges some time ago and has seemed alright with that. She knew things were getting worse and didn't fight losing that bit if her independence.

There isn't any silver bullets, and from our experience the doctors are hesitant to prescribe anything for memory loss (even after she finally was diagnosed correctly). In fact they are very quick to reject any proposed treatment.

Mom can put on a good show for about 30-45 minutes, until she runs out of energy. Just enough time to make it through an examination.

Things aren't getting better, and won't. On a recent visit she confused me with my brother more than once.

That sounds just like my mom. She did confuse my nephew with my son. Asked him about being adopted, when it was my son we adopted.

Thanks for all the reply's It is tough but I guess easier knowing other are there

 

[whiteworks]

Been going through this with my dad, over the last 4 years his life has changed substantially. He’s 78 now and no longer leaves his house alone. We have a care taker that comes in a few days a week to help with stuff, but for the most part he’s hanging in there on his own. Short term memory is shit, but long term is amazing, I think he’s able to maintain in his house because it’s familiar and he’s operating on long term memory. Things are stabilized pretty well for the time being, as he’s accepted that he’s losing it and not out trying to pretend he’s not anymore, also accepting any assistance that comes his way. He was hiding it for years from me, I knew he was slipping, he knew he was slipping, but he was scared I was gonna send him off to happy acres as he calls it.

It’s a fluid situation , I kinda take it day by day at this point. He’s on some memory care meds now that seem to have helped a bit. Reality is it’s like watching a train wreck that hasn’t happened yet but it’s on the rails and full steam ahead.

 

[Enen]

Man this thread hits a bullseye in my life. I'm currently sitting in my childhood home caring for my father. He has onset dementia and has been declining for the last few years. He had surgery yesterday to repair a hernia. Not sure who thought it was a good idea to give anesthesia to a guy with dementia, but his mind is completely gone now. Hoping it returns as the medicine wears off.

My brother and I would joke that Dad could be president. Talking to him was like watching Biden talk. Now I've been up most of the night making sure he doesn't take any medicine he's not supposed to. He's been talking to me, but his words are just gibberish. Almost like a toddler. The circle of life is a trip.

 

[CarolynandBob]

So I happen to see an article about assisted suicide. No not for my mom.

I am thinking about me long term. In the article is said that Oregon and Vermont have it so non-residents can go there and get assisted suicide. I am wondering if I could have it put in my will that I want to travel to a state that has assisted suicide if I end up getting what mom has. I would not want to drain our finances if something like that happened to me.

 

[CarolynandBob]

It also sounds like some of us our going through this quietly. I know it has been bothering me for some time. Even 2 yrs ago I thought about posting looking for advise, but never did.

Maybe we should to help others. I know this is a boating site and would like to keep it on more positive threads, but maybe a section so it doesn't affect the lounge.

 

[Romans9]

Maybe we should to help others. I know this is a boating site and would like to keep it on more positive threads, but maybe a section so it doesn't affect the lounge.

Why does anyone feel the need to apologize about posting personal issues?
Yes this is a boating site but it’s more than that, a lot more than that.
The diversity of inmates is a great asset to have to be able to lean on for advice.
I love to read posts that come from a completely different point of view than I have.
Most of us here are at the age that the topic at hand is front and center to some degree,

I appreciate everyone’s input.

 

[poncho]

It also sounds like some of us our going through this quietly. I know it has been bothering me for some time. Even 2 yrs ago I thought about posting looking for advise, but never did.

Maybe we should to help others. I know this is a boating site and would like to keep it on more positive threads, but maybe a section so it doesn't affect the lounge.

What I like about this site, it's life Man and we are all living it, good and not so good.

 

[whiteworks]

The suicide deal is kind of a bitch, as by the time you’re ready to go, it’s too late to take appropriate actions and off yourself.

Unfortunate you have to get out in front of it a bit which sucks as your cutting into quality time where you still have your wits about you

Was actually thinking about starting a new company called Kevorkian Air. You show up at the airport we load you up in a nice cabin class plane, take you out over international waters and give you a hot load and send you off to the other side.

Seems to me that this would end in legal cases running up the flag pole to the Supreme Court, and I’ve agreed with my everloving wife that I’m not allowed to do anything that can end up with me going to prison, so someone else is going to need to spearhead that one

Fortunately the last few months my dad has a few friends and a sister that are involving themselves a bit in his situation and that’s been a huge relief to me. These are all folks that he had distanced himself from as the wheels were coming loose on the bus over the last few years, once they found out what was up they showed up and didn’t take no for an answer. Prior to that I was just taking it on the chin when the hits would come LOL

The sketchy part was when he was still out driving and running into shit, after the license went he was doing a bit of wandering as he is not one to stay at home, would take long walks, run out of energy then take a fall and get scooped up by paramedics and dripped at the ER. That happened twice, no more solo walks, as well the medication he on makes him tired at night so he stays put.

Until the wheels fall off

 

[CarolynandBob]

Why does anyone feel the need to apologize about posting personal issues?
Yes this is a boating site but it’s more than that, a lot more than that.
The diversity of inmates is a great asset to have to be able to lean on for advice.
I love to read posts that come from a completely different point of view than I have.
Most of us here are at the age that the topic at hand is front and center to some degree,

I appreciate everyone’s input.

Excellent points

 

[CarolynandBob]

The suicide deal is kind of a bitch, as by the time you’re ready to go, it’s too late to take appropriate actions and off yourself.

Unfortunate you have to get out in front of it a bit which sucks as your cutting into quality time where you still have your wits about you

Was actually thinking about starting a new company called Kevorkian Air. You show up at the airport we load you up in a nice cabin class plane, take you out over international waters and give you a hot load and send you off to the other side.

Seems to me that this would end in legal cases running up the flag pole to the Supreme Court, and I’ve agreed with my everloving wife that I’m not allowed to do anything that can end up with me going to prison, so someone else is going to need to spearhead that one

Fortunately the last few months my dad has a few friends and a sister that are involving themselves a bit in his situation and that’s been a huge relief to me. These are all folks that he had distanced himself from as the wheels were coming loose on the bus over the last few years, once they found out what was up they showed up and didn’t take no for an answer. Prior to that I was just taking it on the chin when the hits would come LOL

The sketchy part was when he was still out driving and running into shit, after the license went he was doing a bit of wandering as he is not one to stay at home, would take long walks, run out of energy then take a fall and get scooped up by paramedics and dripped at the ER. That happened twice, no more solo walks, as well the medication he on makes him tired at night so he stays put.

Until the wheels fall off

Yeah that is why I wondered about it in your will, so it is made before you are unable.

Part of there problem is going to be lack of friends. They moved to FL 7 yrs ago, so there friends are back in Michigan. During this trip up there they talked about moving back. My step dad never wanted to go to FL, but mom wore the pants and was tired of the cold. They may do better there, because of friends. However, it would be more difficult for my nephew. He just spent 2 years dealing with his dad and a lot of help from me. Now to take this on is tough for a 34 yr old. We talked about moving them to Sarasota near me, but they have no friends and it is more expensive.

Memory care in MI seams cheaper, but don't know. I am worried about moving her anywhere as it may be too confusing. I did think if they moved back to their old neighborhood, it may be easier as they spent 30+ years there and 57 in the area. Just don't even know how to advise him.

 

[bilz]

I went through nearly all of the above post nine years back with my dad. There are new meds out now that might have eased some of the symptoms, but In the end the disease will progress. We were blessed to have great support of family and friends. He started in his early 70's so many of his friends were still driving and would get by to see him now and then. Our family and friends were able to keep the memory care facility in check with many visits at odd times. This was truly a relief for my mom. I don't think I posted much of this at the time. But this place would have been a great outlet for me, and a great source of help. This is a great place to be during times like this. For all inmates, please keep this up!
Thanks Dave for a great place for us to share!

 

[callbob]

Went through this with my mom. My dad was great he took care of her until it got to be more than he could handle. She always remembered me when I went over to visit and one time sitting around the table asked me where my dad was. I pointed across the table and said right there. She had a confused look on her face and said “ are you sure”.. I said well that’s who you told me. She laughed and when she went into the other room my dad was pissed. He said “what did you say that for”. I told him that she wouldn’t remember it in a few minutes anyway and if I could make her laugh or smile it was worth it. Alziemers is a diabolical disease. Don’t wish this on anyone.

 

[arch stanton]

My dad now 94 has about a five minute short term memory moved him into aegis about a year ago starting cost 8k a month plus extras they keep him busy every day games activity’s and all designed to keep him occupied and happy. His total retirement is about 4k a month so 4k out of pocket for the family dad was and still is a happy and personable man that everyone enjoys being around
My mother in law or MIL is in a group home 6 people no real activities they sit and watch TV all day cost about 6k a month all in no extras again about 4k a month in retirement and about 2k a month for family to cover.
My MIL was always a difficult person to deal with [ that is how the church she attended for 50 years described her ] she has become a Nasty Bitch saying the most vile things to her daughter my wife .
The Place my MIL wanted to go interviewed her and she was rejected as not compatible with the other people there. she’s just the complete opposite of my dad .

I don’t think my dad is better off with all the activities as he doesn’t remember anything.
When I call him he wants his 3 sons to come visit but doesn’t remember that we were there the day after a visit

Old age is a sucker punch to the face

 

[Romans9]

Old age is a sucker punch to the face

So is the alternative.

 

[Paradox]

My Mother got early on set Alzheimer’s when she was 55. Worst shit ever. She developed Parkinson's a few years later and died at 67 in 2006. She didn’t know who I was the last 3 years of her life.

While there were sufficient assets to house her in a really nice facility in Costa Mesa (my Grand Mother‘s estate covered it), there is nothing that can describe how horrible this disease really is.

The one thing I will say is that it triggered me to buy a ton of long term care insurance for both my wife and I. We were in our 30s and the premiums were cheap. I pay them to this day and the cost has not changed.

For the younger folks following this thread, I highly recommend that you look into this type of insurance now. It is much more expensive if you're older.

Read the terms carefully. When we bought ours, there were no exclusions for dementia, I understand a lot of policies exclude it now.

Edit: Applogies for not offering my heart felt condolences for your family issues. it triggered some of my own family memories that of course aren’t pleasant to dwell on..

 

[whiteworks]

My Mother got early on set Alzheimer’s when she was 55. Worst shit ever. She developed Parkinson's a few years later and died at 67 in 2006. She didn’t know who I was the last 3 years of her life.

While there were sufficient assets to house her in a really nice facility in Costa Mesa (my Grand Mother‘s estate covered it), there is nothing that can describe how horrible this disease really is.

The one thing I will say is that it triggered me to buy a ton of long term care insurance for both my wife and I. We were in our 30s and the premiums were cheap. I pay them to this day and the cost has not changed.

For the younger folks following this thread, I highly recommend that you look into this type of insurance now. It is much more expensive if you're older.

Read the terms carefully. When we bought ours, there were no exclusions for dementia, I understand a lot of policies exclude it now.

Edit: Applogies for not offering my heart felt condolences for your family issues. it triggered some of my own family memories that of course aren’t pleasant to dwell on..

No need to apologize or share sympathy, this isn’t a topic that you can really pussy foot around when it hits home, you just suck it up and deal with hits as they come.

 

[CarolynandBob]

Well today she is at the ER. She apparently fell again. Back and leg are hurt. Not sure to what extent yet. Waiting for step-dad to call when there is a diagnosis.

 

[whiteworks]

Well today she is at the ER. She apparently fell again. Back and leg are hurt. Not sure to what extent yet. Waiting for step-dad to call when there is a diagnosis.

That sucks, worst part is they will ask them what happened and they don’t know because of the dementia and then they say maybe you hit your head and order a cat scan, another 5 hours gone. Been down that road a few times now.

 

[CarolynandBob]

That sucks, worst part is they will ask them what happened and they don’t know because of the dementia and then they say maybe you hit your head and order a cat scan, another 5 hours gone. Been down that road a few times now.

Yep cat of head and x-ray of legs. 4ish hours so far and haven't heard anything after they were ordered.

 

[CarolynandBob]

They CT’ed her lower back as well. She has a T12 fracture which isn’t too bad according to stepdad. Head and leg was good.

 

[H20 Toie]

Unfortunately there are quite a few people on this site that are either going thru the same thing or have gone thru it, Fortunately a lot of them are willing to help. i was blindsided last year when my mom went from living alone, driving all over the country to not knowing where she was or how old she was, all happened in the matter of months, she is 88, it has been a godsend for me with the support i have gotten from here,
Its a hard thing to understand and you have to make terrible decisions. its brutal for both them and family,
Feel free to reach out with any questions, ill try and help as much as possible but i'm still learning and trying to figure stuff out.

 

[Orange Juice]

One of the worst things I had to deal with was putting my Dad in an Alzheimers care facility. Thankfully found room for him at a board and care facility which is much cheaper than the typical care facility.

Mom was in a memory care center for 4 years 80-84. Insurance and pensions covered the bill.

Unfortunately, end-of-life happens in a few different ways, and we don't get to pick, other than falling asleep for the last time.

 

[CarolynandBob]

Just had an appt with Neurologist. Mom only got mad at me twice lol.

She got mad when I told about the incontinence and again when she tried to say she has been retired for 2 or 3 yrs. She retired in 95 ish.

Dr order an EEG, MRI of the brain, Neuropsychic test and blood work. She said she doubts it Alzheimer, but probably some form of dementia. Will not know until testing is done.

Should know something in 3 weeks.

 

[Jay Dub]

Well a little over 2 yrs ago my nephew (son of my brother that has cirrhosis that he and I saved) and I started to worry about my moms memory. Some more back story is that he is very close to them as they had to help raise him. He also goes to their place for a month or 2 each winter.

She has had medical problems for years and it frustrated me that they were not proactive with their care. It seamed like they would just take what the Dr. said or their staff. So we tried to talk to them about her memory. They seam to get upset with us and would say it is just old age. She was 75 at the time. I would say that I am around a lot of 75 yr old's and my mom seamed worse. After some arguments they finally went to a neurologist. I was suppose to drive up and go with them, as I don't believe they tell us all their medical issues. They supposedly told me the wrong day, so I wasn't able to go. They went and told us the Dr said it was normal aging. We don't think they told that Dr all the info, but will never know.

Fast forward to last Easter when my wife and I went up there. They wanted to go out to eat as it was a lot of work for my mom to do an Easter dinner. This surprised me as she always loved to cook. I also noticed that she wouldn't eat much at a meal, but was always snacking on sweet stuff or chips. My nephew was going there for May and I told him to keep an eye out. He said that when ever she cooked grandpa would hover around her to make sure she didn't mess it up. I said her memory must be getting worse. He said she may be having some incontinence issues too, but he wasn't sure. He looked at a receipt that he thought was his and it had depends on it. He didn't realize what he saw until later.

I tried to have a conversation with them in June about aging, memory and other health issues they are having. Her emphysema and him copd. They were being kind of evasive. I talked to my nephew about it and he told me they had planned a trip to MI where he lives, without even seeing if the dates worked for him. That wasn't a big deal, but weird. So 11 days ago I call them to talk to them before they go on the trip.

Well my step-dad finally told me some of the stuff going on. She went to the grocery store and got lost. Ended up at a farm house (which farms are not very close to them). It was a nice couple and they drove her back to a road she knew and then left. Well by the time she made it home she had 2 flat tires and damage to the cars front lower shroud. Apparently she ran through a construction zone that thankfully it was on Sunday. Then he tells me that she hit a mailbox a month ago with the right mirror. I said well she can't drive anymore. He said that is easier said than done. She has always worn the pants in their relationship. I said we need to get her to a Dr and he said they would do that when they get back from their trip. I said don't go to the same neurologist that you went to last time. He said we wont and that a friend referred a Dr, but the earliest appt was in March. I told him he need to make phone calls when he is in MI.

Well fast forward to their trip and my nephew is like WTF. It is far worse than they let on. The incontinence is much worse. Her memory is really bad now. Even asking my nephew if he was adopted. I am not going to go into all the problems as I am sure you all get the point. So I ask my step-dad if he has made calls and no.

Well I am done with the way they are handling it. I get on the phone to some Dr's offices. They want referrals etc.... It takes me 2 days and I get one lady at a pretty high rated place that says yes we need a referral too, but let me see if I can help you. She said to tell her everything going on. I do and she asks who her primary is and tells me she will call me tomorrow. At that point I had been on the phone with her for an hour. The next day she calls and said she called my moms primary and got a referral. She said she can get my mom in next Wednesday and can I get her there. I said absolutely.

Then the talk with the parents. My step-dad seamed relieved that I took the ball a ran with it. My mom is very nervous and started saying if you put me in a home I will never forgiver any of you. My step-dad called me later and was worried about memory care places. I told him what the average cost was and he got real quiet. I said can you afford that and he said I don't think so. I said that I would cover what he couldn't afford as I want my mom in a nice place if she had to go into a home. He perked up after that.

So I guess we will see what happens Wednesday. I hope meds will help and that they take her drivers lic. although he did say he will sell her car.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Have any of you delt with this? Any advice? I so wish I had been more forceful 2 years ago.

I am sorry that you are going thru this, it's absolutely terrible. We went thru much of the same with my MIL. It was really rough on my wife. We now have my MIL in a very nice memory care facility. This has made it much easier on my family, but its heartbreaking. As for the assisted suicide discussion, I dont have the answers but this is a horrible way for our family members to live

 

[Justfishing]

 

[Gonefishin5555]

Studies have shown racquet sports can have a significant benefit on your brain health as you age. So Tennis, Pickleball, ping pong badminton are some to try out. i do pickleball and ping pong.

 

[CLCookie]

As we get older and people live longer we are seeing more people with this disease. The younger you are when seeing these affects, the more aggressive it will attack your body. At 80 years old, it is much easier for all to deal with, At 50 yr old, it attacks you fast and physically you can still do everything, but your brain isn't functioning. Desert/River buddy was diagnosed at 53 yrs old, was dead at 55. Family didn't even recognize it at first. Self-employed business owner at 53, lost everything. Couldn't pay for insurance anymore, too young for Medicare as well. Wife and family had to start over, this disease sucks big time.

Good luck, as soon as one parent can't take care of the other, either another family member needs to step in or you have to pay. SUCKS

 

[Cobalt232]

Starting down this path now with my dad who is 88. Between my mom's health issues at 85 and his memory issues at 88 it will be rough going forward.

They don't want to move to assisted living, but it would be so much better I think.

 

[BabyRay]

We watched my FIL go through this, and it was very tough for my wife. He always knew who I was, but often didn't remember her, and when he did he treated her very badly. He also tried to stab one of his sons with scissors because he thought he was an enemy spy.

Now my 75 year old brother is going through it, after having several strokes. He hasn’t lost the ability to recognize people, but his short term memory sucks and he’s often confused, which causes him to become frustrated. He can barely get around with a walker…has to stop and sit after about 20 feet, so it’s wheelchair time when he leaves the house. I visited him today, and he was so dizzy when he sat up that he tossed his cookies. I’m hopeful I won’t go down that road, as I’ve lived a different life than him; he was exposed to Agent Orange, which caused Polycythemia Vera (the VA even agreed to that), which in turn caused his strokes. He’s still at home, with his wife and a couple of his step-children assisting him (I have a new respect for them, as they’ve been wonderful).

 

[petie6464]

Yes I've delt with a loved one with this condition.

All I can say is I'm sorry for you and the loved ones suffering from it; One of the best things I did was get counseling on how to deal with someone with this condition. It was offered for free from a local dementia facility and was eye opening and definitely helped in the years going forward.

It's not an easy task but life never is and the ones suffering from the horrible disease deserve to be cared for.

 

[CarolynandBob]

She went for an EEG test Wednesday. Called to see how it went and step dad said it went fine. I knew there wouldn't be any results until our appt on the 19th. Was talking to him about wandering. Our friend ended up in memory care after a number of times he would wander around outside at night. His wife would wake up and couldn't find him.

So I was telling my step dad about that and he said last night he heard noises coming from the bathroom. It was 3 am and he got up to check on her. She was in the bathroom fully dressed and putting curlers in her hair. He asked what are you doing and she said getting ready for her dr appt. He said it is 7 hours before we have to leave. She didn't understand, so he let it go.

I advised him to get alarms for the doors, so it would wake him if she tries to leave the house. Was talking to her later that day and the conversation lasted about 10 min and then I couldn't understand what she was saying as it didn't make sense.

She has the neuropsychic test on Monday.

Has anyone's family member been diagnosed with dementia and was given drugs? Did they work? She has a blockage in her brain that they say is too risky to do anything about it. With that info I am guessing she has vascular dementia, which from what I am reading they don't have any specific drugs for that.

I know I probably shouldn't keep researching and reading about all the different things it could be and should just wait for the diagnosis, but I hate not knowing.

 

[Justfishing]

Is she on statins? What does her diet consist of.

 

[RitcheyRch]

Some now consider Alzheimer's as Type 3 diabetes.

 

[Ladsm]

This is my Dad, his 80th birthday is next week. He has been progressively getting worse the last 5 years. He doesnt remember time anymore. I can visit him today and tomorrow he wont remember I came over. He forgot all the cities we used to live in. He only remembers things about back when he was in his 20's in the Navy. I took him to some friends a week ago and he told them he worked for 1 month at Mobil Oil and then retired. He worked there 30 years. Im sure driving a gas truck for 30 years inhaling gas fumes didnt help.

 

[whiteworks]

I got super lucky and am moving in two full time caretakers with my father. Fortunately there is an ADU on the property, it’s a mother and daughter who are both real solid and he likes them a lot. It was his idea to move them in, I’m trying to involve him in as many decisions as possible, things are going well for the time being, sorta.

I’m like 100% sure that I have no desire to get old at this point I’m getting the ADU ready for the caretakers to move in. I’m glad that he will have someone around all the time and is staying in his home, I am hopeful things will be stable and this will be a long term situation.

This hand written quote was hanging in the ADU next to a photo of him on one of his bikes when he was young.

 

[Willie B]

I got super lucky and am moving in two full time caretakers with my father. Fortunately there is an ADU on the property, it’s a mother and daughter who are both real solid and he likes them a lot. It was his idea to move them in, I’m trying to involve him in as many decisions as possible, things are going well for the time being, sorta.

I’m like 100% sure that I have no desire to get old at this point I’m getting the ADU ready for the caretakers to move in. I’m glad that he will have someone around all the time and is staying in his home, I am hopeful things will be stable and this will be a long term situation.

This hand written quote was hanging in the ADU next to a photo of him on one of his bikes when he was young.

View attachment 1452231

.., I kind of feel that state of mind somewhat coming… There was a roofing company that was going to come out at 1:30 PM Monday… Then I sort of spaced it out ..,part of that was because there’s been so many roofing contractors come to this neighborhood selling their wares recently …that I got to the point where I just didn’t give a shit..,Derrick @NEIGHBOR GIRLS guy had to come over and walk in my house…walk through my house and he found me out in the garage screwing around with my stereo set up and my air compressor … He said the roofers are here and I said what roofers …then I went. Oh shit …I mean, I spaced it out…. So has the state of being fallen upon me… I don’t know…I guess we will find out…

 

[CarolynandBob]

Last week mom was in the hospital for 3 days because her blood sugar would not stabilize. My step-dad woke up in the middle of the night and mom was sitting on the side of the bed. He tried talking to her and she couldn't talk or stand up. He call 911. When they got there they tested her blood sugar, which was 34, so they gave her glaucous, which then spiked it to 274. I guess shortly after that it went down to 50 something. They transported her to hospital.

Just got home a few days ago from that ordeal. They were told the results of the Alzheimer test by her family Dr. He said she has the Alzheimer markers. Well that sucks and I started to try and find out what age they can test me, as it can be hereditary.

Well when we went to her neurologist she said the good news is you do not have Alzheimer's. We told her what the family Dr said and she said those results are mis-read a lot. Then she said the bad news is she had Vascular Dementia and it looks like she has had 4 strokes. This isn't good as the life expectancy per mayo clinic is 3 years. We also told Dr about having to go to hospital because of blood sugar and this concerned her a lot.

The big thing the Dr said she had to do is try and make sure she doesn't have another stroke as it just hurts the brain a lot. Nutrition is a big thing with all of this and they just do not know how to eat healthy and do not even try. i spent 3 days talking to them and trying to come up with a plan to eat healthy. It was kind of falling on deaf ears/ I was telling my mom she needed to eat a lot of veggies and she said potatoes are a vegetable so pringles are good for you. My step-dad as a sugar addiction and won't stop buying that crap, so I told him to put locks on the fridge and cabinet where he keeps that crap. So far he hasn't done that.

Part of me wonders if it is just better to live like they want and have her go sooner, as it is a terrible condition and quality of life isn't good. I also wonder if that is my stepdad's thinking.

 

[bocco]

Went through this with my mom. She started going downhill at 85 and just got worse until she passed at 90. That was about 4 years ago. Yes, they get mean and nasty.

Way early in this process a nurse recommended namenda for my mom. The Dr prescribed it but she refused to take it because she didn't want everybody to know she was having problems. She really didn't need to tell anybody but was a compulsive communicator and she had to anybody she got on the phone about everything in her life.

We also think that she had few mini strokes or TIAs. Low dose aspirin may help prevent these.

I would look into namenda for anyone that is showing early signs. I don't think it's a cure all, but it can slow the progression.

 

[whiteworks]

I have been following this lady on Instagram, she’s been involved with this aging/caretaker stuff for a while and adds some perspective.

The Living Room (@tlr_seniorhomecare) • Instagram photos and videos

9,948 Followers, 558 Following, 184 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from The Living Room (@tlr_seniorhomecare)

www.instagram.com

 

[whiteworks]

.., I kind of feel that state of mind somewhat coming… There was a roofing company that was going to come out at 1:30 PM Monday… Then I sort of spaced it out ..,part of that was because there’s been so many roofing contractors come to this neighborhood selling their wares recently …that I got to the point where I just didn’t give a shit..,Derrick @NEIGHBOR GIRLS guy had to come over and walk in my house…walk through my house and he found me out in the garage screwing around with my stereo set up and my air compressor … He said the roofers are here and I said what roofers …then I went. Oh shit …I mean, I spaced it out…. So has the state of being fallen upon me… I don’t know…I guess we will find out…

I don’t know what to tell ya Willie other than to be pro active and get out in front of how you want things to play out with your care and set things in motion to make that happen. If you don’t make those choices now, someone will be making a choice for you later and it may not be choices you would have made.

Everything’s good until everything’s not good and something happens.

 

[Willie B]

I don’t know what to tell ya Willie other than to be pro active and get out in front of how you want things to play out with your care and set things in motion to make that happen. If you don’t make those choices now, someone will be making a choice for you later and it may not be choices you would have made.

Everything’s good until everything’s not good and something happens.

… I hear you loud and clear… Something did happen last year when I ended up in the hospital for two months fortunately,@NEIGHBOR GIRL was on top of everything… She knows my program top to bottom… The little episode with forgetting about the roofing contractor coming… Sparked me to get on the phone and call Beacon Roofing supplies… To price out all the materials… As I knew materials had gone up substantially in price since the Covid… Had a great talk with their general manager keith…Man, we had some laughs a really good guy… I felt like my old self… Now how to keep myself in the old me…state of mind…
@NEIGHBOR GIRLS grandma had been a caregiver for Mrs Hanna of Hanna Barberra cartoons… But grandma will be 82 very soon… And I don’t think would be able to be my caregiver in the future… Take a whatever you call that kind of loan out of my house and move a caregiver in is probably the way it will have to happen