Anyone else torture themselves this way?

[beaverretriever]

My amazing father recently passed away the first week of July 2024. I've been pretty good mentally but I still miss him tremendously; he won't ever leave my heart.

I have a couple saved messages on my phone from him. One from him thanking me for going shooting with him at the range and the other from when he was in the hospital during the past 1.5 years (a day he felt good enough to call and just say hello). Once in a while I'll be deleting messages on my phone and come across these two messages. I'll listen to them and completely break down.

I really should just delete them and quit torturing myself. Anyone else have old messages saved of loved ones passed?

 

[Lunatic Fringe]

Every single year on my birthday, my mother would call and sing Happy Birthday to me. She did this until one year the Alzheimer's had taken away too much of her memory and she let that day slip by.

And each one after that.

The last time she did call to sing to me though, I missed the call and she sang it on my voicemail.

I've saved that recording for many many years.

I don't play it but I like knowing it's there.

 

[Hypnautic]

My wife and oldest daughter both have an old iphone that had voicemails from my MIL.
They kept the phone because old VM not moving over to a newer device can happen.
Do they play them?--IDK but they have them just in case.
I even kept her messages she left me--just in case they their messages or old phone get wiped.

Sorry to hear you hurting. I hope that hurt can turn into a "remember when" or "my Dad used too...." story that you can share with wife, kids, family or friends. Hell--I think most of us thought your Dad was really intriguing and were fascinated by the craftmanship he had. You can always share those memories here too.

 

[beaverretriever]

My wife and oldest daughter both have an old iphone that had voicemails from my MIL.
They kept the phone because old VM not moving over to a newer device can happen.
Do they play them?--IDK but they have them just in case.
I even kept her messages she left me--just in case they their messages or old phone get wiped.

Sorry to hear you hurting. I hope that hurt can turn into a "remember when" or "my Dad used too...." story that you can share with wife, kids, family or friends. Hell--I think most of us thought your Dad was really intriguing and were fascinated by the craftmanship he had. You can always share those memories here too.

Thanks for the kind message. For some reason, I'm having a rough day. I rarely do, as life is so good to me!

 

[Gelcoater]

My amazing father recently passed away the first week of July 2024. I've been pretty good mentally but I still miss him tremendously; he won't ever leave my heart.

I have a couple saved messages on my phone from him. One from him thanking me for going shooting with him at the range and the other from when he was in the hospital during the past 1.5 years (a day he felt good enough to call and just say hello). Once in a while I'll be deleting messages on my phone and come across these two messages. I'll listen to them and completely break down.

I really should just delete them and quit torturing myself. Anyone else have old messages saved of loved ones passed?

Is why I can’t see half the shit on RDP anymore.
Afraid to upgrade my phone (an old ass Iphone7) and lose those messages.

You’re not alone, brother.

 

[C_J_J_C]

My amazing father recently passed away the first week of July 2024. I've been pretty good mentally but I still miss him tremendously; he won't ever leave my heart.

I have a couple saved messages on my phone from him. One from him thanking me for going shooting with him at the range and the other from when he was in the hospital during the past 1.5 years (a day he felt good enough to call and just say hello). Once in a while I'll be deleting messages on my phone and come across these two messages. I'll listen to them and completely break down.

I really should just delete them and quit torturing myself. Anyone else have old messages saved of loved ones passed?

I might have a few (Parents and Friends).... I might have also emailed them to myself and backed them up on external recordings just in case.

It is not torture if it makes you smile.

 

[DarkHorseRacing]

Absolutely I keep VMs from those that have passed. And I honor their memory on either their b-day or passing day with a listen and remembering their voice.

 

[TimeBandit]

I have emails from my dad and messages on Facebook from people that have since passed.

No need to delete them.

 

[yard dog]

My amazing father recently passed away the first week of July 2024. I've been pretty good mentally but I still miss him tremendously; he won't ever leave my heart.

I have a couple saved messages on my phone from him. One from him thanking me for going shooting with him at the range and the other from when he was in the hospital during the past 1.5 years (a day he felt good enough to call and just say hello). Once in a while I'll be deleting messages on my phone and come across these two messages. I'll listen to them and completely break down.

I really should just delete them and quit torturing myself. Anyone else have old messages saved of loved ones passed?

I can relate to your post. My son just passed away less than three weeks ago at age 23 . I find myself in the same situation for now, I think I will keep the messages and the text messages. Maybe it’ll eventually I’ll delete them but as of right now it’s nice to hear his voice and the messages that he had left even on the day he passed he left a nice message and said I loved you dad how wish I would’ve answer the call but I was at the dentist appointment so at the time was unable to answer the phone..

 

[beaverretriever]

I can relate to your post. My son just passed away less than three weeks ago at age 23 . I find myself in the same situation for now, I think I will keep the messages and the text messages. Maybe it’ll eventually I’ll delete them but as of right now it’s nice to hear his voice and the messages that he had left even on the day he passed he left a nice message and said I loved you dad how wish I would’ve answer the call but I was at the dentist appointment so at the time was unable to answer the phone.. View attachment 1442162

Wow, I'm so sorry. My father was 80, so he had a great life. Your son was so young and barely getting going. Again, my condolences.

 

[Mandelon]

I would for sure save them. My dad passed in 1997. I still think about him often. I miss him. I would love to have some voice recordings. Save them somewhere, somehow.

 

[monkeyswrench]

Nope, you're not alone...and it's not torture, I don't think. Pops passed away in July of '07, still hear his voice everyday (mostly when I'm doing something stupid, but occasionally when I'm thinking about my own family)

In one of my old high school yearbooks, there are some old notes and letters. One of them was a printout of an email from Mom. She was more techy than me, so I surprised her with pics of my kids on a hike by a waterfall. The email was just a response to that, nothing major. She passed a few months after...the email was in the computer and I hadn't seen it in years.

Those notes I don't read often, the ones in the yearbook. They are all from people that have passed on. When I do read them, I hear it in their voice. Invariably, this leads me to some off anecdote involving them, that makes me smile.

As bad as this may sound, the voices in my head will never be silent. Memories of the ones we lost are part of what make us who we are. All those people we shared time with, never leave us entirely. A parent, a child or a friend, all become part of us.

 

[Luvnlife]

Don’t delete. I have saved messages from my mom. Not many but I never thought about it and I’ve started saving all the ones from my dad. Bad as it sounds I’m going to save them from all my kids too

 

[was thatguy]

My amazing father recently passed away the first week of July 2024. I've been pretty good mentally but I still miss him tremendously; he won't ever leave my heart.

I have a couple saved messages on my phone from him. One from him thanking me for going shooting with him at the range and the other from when he was in the hospital during the past 1.5 years (a day he felt good enough to call and just say hello). Once in a while I'll be deleting messages on my phone and come across these two messages. I'll listen to them and completely break down.

I really should just delete them and quit torturing myself. Anyone else have old messages saved of loved ones passed?

Yes.
I have every message from Debbie from 2015 until April 14 2018, 3 months before she died. (She couldn't run her phone any more after that message).
I haven’t counted them, but it’s hundreds.
Since I shut her phone off 2 years ago it now says “unknown” but the messages are still there.
I don’t really listen to them anymore, the sound of her voice near the end is a reminder of how bad it was.

When dad died back in 2010 the biggest thing for me was not being able to call him. Even though I was like 50 years old, it still felt scary to think he wasn’t there to advise me anymore…and by “advise” I mean reminding what a stupid sob I am!!


The really scary part is that I am now officially the patriarch of the entire family.
Well, scary for them since I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up…

 

[callbob]

I saved a picture of my wife on my phone as the wallpaper. It was the picture we used for her obit. I finally took it off because it got hard to look at it every time I opened my phone. I used to tell her good morning and how much I loved her every time I opened my phone. It’s been almost 4 months but it still hurts. I may put it back on, but right now I’m trying to heal. What’s funny, or sad, depending on how you look at it, is if I see something or hear something I know she would want to know about, I think about calling her.

 

[DRYHEAT]

For any of you that don’t know it’s pretty easy to upload an audio message from your smart phone to just about anywhere.

Unfortunately, I learned this too late and lost a few voice messages from my mother that was on my dad‘s phone.

 

[Tank]

I have multiple voice mail on my phone
From My dad and from my mom. My mom
Passed 4 years ago, my dad 2. I’ll
Never get rid of them. Miss them
Every day. Every once in a while I’ll
Listen to the messages and it’s like they’re
Still Here. I actually feel lucky to have them
My wife says all time she wishes she had the ability to listen to an old voice mail from her dad who died nearly 16 years ago.

Don’t ever get rid of them!

 

[calkid]

My amazing father recently passed away the first week of July 2024. I've been pretty good mentally but I still miss him tremendously; he won't ever leave my heart.

I have a couple saved messages on my phone from him. One from him thanking me for going shooting with him at the range and the other from when he was in the hospital during the past 1.5 years (a day he felt good enough to call and just say hello). Once in a while I'll be deleting messages on my phone and come across these two messages. I'll listen to them and completely break down.

I really should just delete them and quit torturing myself. Anyone else have old messages saved of loved ones passed?

Keep them, listen to them and cherish them. I lost my Dad in 1986 and would love to actually hear his voice once in a while. No cell phones back then anyway but if it were me, I would find a way to copy those messages to a second device. You never know when your cell phone will glitch out on you. You'll be glad you kept them.

 

[Romans9]

My amazing father recently passed away the first week of July 2024. I've been pretty good mentally but I still miss him tremendously; he won't ever leave my heart.

I have a couple saved messages on my phone from him. One from him thanking me for going shooting with him at the range and the other from when he was in the hospital during the past 1.5 years (a day he felt good enough to call and just say hello). Once in a while I'll be deleting messages on my phone and come across these two messages. I'll listen to them and completely break down.

I really should just delete them and quit torturing myself. Anyone else have old messages saved of loved ones passed?

No save them onto something more permanent.

My dad died when I was 24 and he was 47. I am now 52 and would love to hear his voice again.

 

[was thatguy]

I saved a picture of my wife on my phone as the wallpaper. It was the picture we used for her obit. I finally took it off because it got hard to look at it every time I opened my phone. I used to tell her good morning and how much I loved her every time I opened my phone. It’s been almost 4 months but it still hurts. I may put it back on, but right now I’m trying to heal. What’s funny, or sad, depending on how you look at it, is if I see something or hear something I know she would want to know about, I think about calling her.

I left Debbie’s phone active for 4 years after she was gone.
On her birthday and other dates I’d leave her messages.
Others did too because I’d see them dinging on her birthdays. I never listened to them, they weren’t for me, but I saw that others were texting her too.
When I finally shut it off we had a family meeting to make sure it was ok with everyone.

 

[riverroyal]

I'm guilty
When my mom passed my dad kept her cell number. Cancelled his. It still comes up mom and a Pic.
It's torture in a way that feels bad but it's worth it.
I got a fairly large tattoo shortly after as a tribute. The real reason was to never forget life is quick. Also to TRY to not let small things piss me off.

Don't delete. It won't change anything. A reality check is not a bad thing I've learned

 

[CLdrinker]

My family don’t call me so I guess I won’t have this problem.

 

[jetboatperformance]

I was Born on my Mom's 25th birthday , We were really tight I used to call her everyday till I got a bad case of flu one day , The next day we found her passed out on the floor from a stroke ................ I knew she was inside that body but simply couldnt communicate the time she had left was brutal not being able to talk .........

 

[angiebaby]

I saved a picture of my wife on my phone as the wallpaper. It was the picture we used for her obit. I finally took it off because it got hard to look at it every time I opened my phone. I used to tell her good morning and how much I loved her every time I opened my phone. It’s been almost 4 months but it still hurts. I may put it back on, but right now I’m trying to heal. What’s funny, or sad, depending on how you look at it, is if I see something or hear something I know she would want to know about, I think about calling her.

Tyler Childers has a song that always hits me. One line says "the part of me that ain't around I'm always talking to." Jeff and I are rarely apart anymore, but there have been times we were, like when he moved to Reno and it took 18 months for me to sell the ranch in SoCal, so our youngest and I stayed behind. He is that part of me.

@Lunatic Fringe, Jeff's grandparents used to do that to us every year. Grandma is still kicking at 101 years old, but grandpa has been gone for about 8-9 years. I still have the last voicemail they sang together for me on my birthday. I listen to it every time I clean out my voicemail.

 

[DarkHorseRacing]

Something else I thought of. I just lost a friend in October and one of the things I did was send him a text message the day I heard he passed thanking him for all the good times and the memories. I know he didn't see it, but I kind of felt like by texting his phone I was getting some sort of closure. I'm not deleting his contact or text messages either so I can visit with him later.

 

[RVR SWPR]

Your father’s leather workmanship is outstanding,glad we picked up a piece last year. Also,speaking with your Mom about shipping to a difficult address was a pleasure.
Down the road in short time enjoy remembering your Dad.

 

[Melloyellovector]

Your not alone

 

[Ziggy]

My amazing father recently passed away the first week of July 2024. I've been pretty good mentally but I still miss him tremendously; he won't ever leave my heart.

I have a couple saved messages on my phone from him. One from him thanking me for going shooting with him at the range and the other from when he was in the hospital during the past 1.5 years (a day he felt good enough to call and just say hello). Once in a while I'll be deleting messages on my phone and come across these two messages. I'll listen to them and completely break down.

I really should just delete them and quit torturing myself. Anyone else have old messages saved of loved ones passed?

I have a couple text threads I'll likely never delete.

 

[bilz]

Save them!
It's been 9 years and I still catch myself saying "I'll ask dad".
Moments of sad and lonely still come occasionally.

 

[gqchris]

I would give my everything to hear my moms voice again. I dont have any messages. No videos, she passed 17 years ago. The song that reminds me of her is Cats in the Cradle as that was the song that played in my car when I got in after I took her off life support, and waited until they called me back in when she passed on.

SAVE THEM, nothing wrong in being in your feelings and letting out the grief.

 

[Cdog]

I keep some messages for that reason too.
It’s sad now. Eventually it will put a smile on your face.

I can still hear my gramps voice.

 

[Cdog]

I can relate to your post. My son just passed away less than three weeks ago at age 23 . I find myself in the same situation for now, I think I will keep the messages and the text messages. Maybe it’ll eventually I’ll delete them but as of right now it’s nice to hear his voice and the messages that he had left even on the day he passed he left a nice message and said I loved you dad how wish I would’ve answer the call but I was at the dentist appointment so at the time was unable to answer the phone.. View attachment 1442162

My condolences. Im very sorry for your loss.

 

[SJP]

Guys - you know - 15 - 20 years ago I would click on these threads and expect god knows what to come across my screen. The most f'd weird stuff. Rick rolls and things that would get you put in Gitanemo now.

All of our numbers are going to get called. I am lucky to still have my parents (and boys) but threads like this are emotionally worse than the above for me. Shit, my dad lurks on here just to BS with me while I am stuck in traffic on the freeway heading home from work. I would not want it any other way.

I am so sorry for your losses and may your memories of them be great and enjoyed.

 

[Romans9]

I can relate to your post. My son just passed away less than three weeks ago at age 23 . I find myself in the same situation for now, I think I will keep the messages and the text messages. Maybe it’ll eventually I’ll delete them but as of right now it’s nice to hear his voice and the messages that he had left even on the day he passed he left a nice message and said I loved you dad how wish I would’ve answer the call but I was at the dentist appointment so at the time was unable to answer the phone.. View attachment 1442162

So sorry to read this.
There are no words and time does not heal it only helps you get used to the feelings.
Never stop talking about him and reliving those irreplaceable memories.
I hope you find comfort, peace and rest.
Johnny

 

[Dan Lorenze]

Every single year on my birthday, my mother would call and sing Happy Birthday to me. She did this until one year the Alzheimer's had taken away too much of her memory and she let that day slip by.

And each one after that.

The last time she did call to sing to me though, I missed the call and she sang it on my voicemail.

I've saved that recording for many many years.

I don't play it but I like knowing it's there.

Same with me.. My Mom would always call me on my Birthday and sing me Happy Birthday. My Mom would call me me every week just to tell me she loved me. Then the calls dropped off. Then no more calls, then she passed away. Breaks my heart... The cycle of life can be so brutal to deal with.

 

[Willie B]

… I save conversations that I have had with people that have passed away… I save them in my head and pretty much draw on them whenever I feel like it… Or some conversations just pop up my head out of nowhere…
… Nothing wrong with you saving the voice mails… Just don’t let them own you…

 

[Long Way Home]

I had two good friends pass away in the last year. I still have their phone numbers in my phone and the text message that I received. I see no reason to get rid of them. Yes they may be gone, but they’re still here with me.

 

[TPC]

I had a fantastic Aunt that Passed Away decades ago.
I still carry her number and by the old Long Beach prefix too GEneva

 

[infield]

I have had a video camera since they were developed. I would take a lot of meaningless video, one especially of when we were driving to Grand Lake O the Cherokees in Oklahoma. Its a 3 hour drive and I bet I took 45 minutes of footage. No real pictures of my parents but you can hear the stuff we talked about on the way down. I play it occasionally. Hard to believe how things can change. Been gone for 15 and 7 years. For my father and myself making fun of stuff on the side of the road was most of the fun. We farm so lots of things to analyze LOL.

 

[Willie B]

… 33 of my phone contacts have passed on… Their names and their phone numbers will most likely remain in my contacts forever…

 

[bbrownster]

Same with me.. My Mom would always call me on my Birthday and sing me Happy Birthday. My Mom would call me me every week just to tell me she loved me. Then the calls dropped off. Then no more calls, then she passed away. Breaks my heart... The cycle of life can be so brutal to deal with.

My mom passed away two years ago and still keep her phone number and a voice mail wishing me happy birthday. I also keep the voicemail message from my daughter telling me she is safe and hiding in a hotel room during the concert shooting in Las Vegas. That one still brings chills and tears…

 

[OC Daytona]

Is why I can’t see half the shit on RDP anymore.
Afraid to upgrade my phone (an old ass Iphone7) and lose those messages.

You’re not alone, brother.

I email or txt those vmails messages to my laptop and then you have them forever. I prob have 100 different old emails saved that way.
Try it out.

 

[FreeBird236]

This slightly different, but a few years ago when my mom was dying of cancer, we left AZ and spent the last two month of her life at her house. She had one of those Seiko Rythm clocks that played Beatle songs with all the lights and dancing figures. I kind of liked the clock actually and brought it home, but after having it in our house for a couple of days, I told my wife, we'll keep the clock in the kitchen, but I need to turn the sound and mechanism off, it was just too painful.

 

[coolchange]

I have had a video camera since they were developed. I would take a lot of meaningless video, one especially of when we were driving to Grand Lake O the Cherokees in Oklahoma. Its a 3 hour drive and I bet I took 45 minutes of footage. No real pictures of my parents but you can hear the stuff we talked about on the way down. I play it occasionally. Hard to believe how things can change. Been gone for 15 and 7 years. For my father and myself making fun of stuff on the side of the road was most of the fun. We farm so lots of things to analyze LOL.

That’s a really interesting idea.

 

[mbrown2]

I can relate to your post. My son just passed away less than three weeks ago at age 23 . I find myself in the same situation for now, I think I will keep the messages and the text messages. Maybe it’ll eventually I’ll delete them but as of right now it’s nice to hear his voice and the messages that he had left even on the day he passed he left a nice message and said I loved you dad how wish I would’ve answer the call but I was at the dentist appointment so at the time was unable to answer the phone.. View attachment 1442162

So sorry for your loss....23 is too friggen young......I don't have kids but I could not imagine being a parent outliving their children... prayers to you and your family!

 

[MOUZER]

yah my dads and mom have been gone for a couple yrs now and i find myself say daily while doing something what would dad do.... how would dad fix that...

 

[OC Daytona]

Is why I can’t see half the shit on RDP anymore.
Afraid to upgrade my phone (an old ass Iphone7) and lose those messages.

You’re not alone, brother.

Gelcoater, the other thing I started doing a few iPhones ago was to keep my old phone as a backup instead of trading it.... in case I lose my new phone.
It's worth the convenience vs what they give you in trade.

I actually used my last iPhone to find my current iPhone when I lost it in a Home Depot a few months back. I took the old one to Home Depot and followed the red dot to exactly where I had accidentally left the new phone. Sure beat having to go to the phone store. I know there's other ways to do it, but that has worked for me.

Also, I take the spare to the lake with me and if my new phone gets lost/ stolen/ or falls in lake or pool, I already have a phone all loaded up and ready to go
Keep them synched on iCloud.

My .02

 

[Singleton]

Yes.
My Motorola RZR still gets charged so I can listen to the VM’s. I have one from each grandfather. Both were received a month or so from them passing. Still listen to them around Father’s Day each year!

 

[dribble]

When I delete my voicemails I get down to the last one from my close friend Sheree. I met her in 1979 when I was 23 and she was 19. We hung out a lot but never had a romantic relationship. She introduced me to a beautiful girl named Corina. We dated for six months but had to break up. 37 years later we got back together. She was still in touch with Sheree, who was happy to hear that we reconnected. Two years later she called us and said she had been diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. She had never been married, had no kids and had nobody else in her life. We helped get her to her medical appointments in Sacramento and she stayed with us when she came down from Chico for her infusion treatments.

One day she called and said she was going into the hospital. Two days later she called and said the doctors told her that there was nothing else they could do and they were transferring her to an outside hospice facility. We told her no that she was coming to our house. I drove up to Chico and and picked her up from the hospital. On the way home she asked me to stop in a liquor store and get her a margarita in a can. I got two. She drank one on the way. Corina had transferred her hospice care, had a hospital bed and everything else waiting when she got to our house. She died twelve days later. This was three years ago. I still have her last voicemail to me and still have that second margarita in the fridge. We can't bring ourselves to get rid of either one. I don't feel tortured but more a sense of peace when I play the voicemail.