Single Income Households---

[Bear Down]

We've been a Single income household for about 11 years, those of you in similar situations know the struggle and weight of responsibility. We have 3 kids and wife does an amazing job of running the house and managing kids with school and sports and such. We have great kids and our family is rock solid. We have a shared banking account but do any of you have a separate account or allowance for your wives to use? My wife is not a spender, but I can see she struggles to use our house account for personal fun purchases because she feels bad. I was thinking of giving her an allowance (sound horrible) or giving her a lump sum of cash at tax time since I typically get money back. Was looking to see how some of you guys' approach this. We are not rolling in cash, but from my perspective, it is nice to spend on anything when needed and not having to ask whether it's cool to do so or not.

 

[TPC]

I worked with 2 awesome guys that had good marriages and 3 kids.
They made single paycheck work with patience and perseverance.

Every dollar was accounted for, never went out to eat for that is a serious expense. Watched every dime and economy began with food. Kids sports were through Rec n Parks & Boys and Girls clubs, a much cheaper way.

One family dreamed of a new Suburban figuring one day something will happen, and they'll get one and they put a few dollars aside every month for that day.

Then during the recession GM drastically cut the prices on them and he also managed to grind the dealer way way down further and their dream came true.

I am always impressed how families do it and keep their heads above water.

 

[CLdrinker]

Your wife is no different than many others.

We have dual income and very little debt. She won’t spend shit on herself. But for the kids no budget exists lol

 

[EmpirE231]

With her spending habits… consider yourself lucky man! We are a dual income household but my wife spends every dollar she makes and then some…

 

[monkeyswrench]

I think every household is different...Lord knows every woman is.

Technically I'm the bread winner now (pretty meager loaf ) Been married for 25 years, also three kids, but gone from her being majority income, to me, to equal but combined amounts being less than single previous...to now the current status.

I'd say talk with your wife about it. You don't want to sound condescending, and I'd be afraid of approaching an allowance type deal could seem that way. She may like it that you just want her to be able to spend some on herself...just hearing it may make it alright. Communication I think is more important than any number or dollar amount.

 

[JL95]

Be like my dad growing up and give yourself the allowance and your wife the rest lmao.

 

[ArizonaKevin]

I'm in the same boat as you, single income and relatively comfortable, but my wife refuses to splurge on herself. I've resorted to just doing it for her, as an example I know where she likes to get her nails done and I'll call them up and make an appointment and tell her when and where to be there and I'll take the kids.

With my wife, I would have to tread very lightly with how I phrase the "allowance" conversation. I'm making progress towards her actually feeling like the money in the joint account is equally hers as it is mine, and fear that an "allowance" would make her feel like the joint funds aren't hers and only mine.

 

[YeahYeah01]

I like your idea of giving her a lump sum from taxes into and account she manages.

We're not in the same situation but every now and then I'll give my wife a few hundred and tell her she has to go so something or buy something for herself. Don't care what it is, just as long as it's for her.

 

[monkeyswrench]

Be like my dad growing up and give yourself the allowance and your wife the rest lmao.

Pops had everything go to the account, he never touched it. Math was not his thing, so Mom was the banker.

Now, side jobs were a different story. He'd hand Mom her "half"...his half was always a bit bigger. On a small scale, his "half" was used like the government would. "BlackOps" funding. A 20$ slipped into my pocket on a Friday for the weekend, or money to help my sister's kids when they were in their teens as well. Pops wanted like hell for us to have stuff. His half would also be what I was paid from if I was a helper on the job.

 

[Bear Down]

I'm in the same boat as you, single income and relatively comfortable, but my wife refuses to splurge on herself. I've resorted to just doing it for her, as an example I know where she likes to get her nails done and I'll call them up and make an appointment and tell her when and where to be there and I'll take the kids.

With my wife, I would have to tread very lightly with how I phrase the "allowance" conversation. I'm making progress towards her actually feeling like the money in the joint account is equally hers as it is mine, and fear that an "allowance" would make her feel like the joint funds aren't hers and only mine.

Funny you say that I do the exact same thing, except I get her Gift Certificates to the Nail Salon and other places she likes or I think gives her Joy.. She has pushed off the conversation of how much $$ she wants, and my biggest hang up is that any money I have given her, goes straight to the fucking kids, so its a bit of fractured act..

 

[TimeBandit]

Budget. Budget. Budget.

What are long term goals?

How to achieve them?

Debt is dumb, cash is king (well nvda at $19.00 would have been better than cash, but...)

Talk about where you want to be financially in one, five and ten years... And budget accordingly.

 

[Tamalewagon]

Not having to ask for permission on bigger purchases is just about every married mans dream and in most cases, remains a dream. How you decide to run your finances depends on how you view your marriage IMO. Do you want a partner in all things or only when it is convenient? Typically anything more than $500 should be discussed. Rarely does my wife ever put the kibosh on something I need or very much want unless it puts a strain on our current finances. How you choose to integrate your marital life and finances should be discussed at length between you and your wife instead of RDP braintrust. Financial mistrust usually leads to martial death spiral which is why I believe discussing larger purchases is a must. The old saying of "it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission" was most likely written by a divorcee or someone that was never married. LOL.

 

[TPC]

 

[lbhsbz]

Mine has a bit of income from a trust....$1500/month or so, and we have a joint credit card. Everything she buys for the household mostly goes on the credit card (gas, food, clothes, etc) which gets paid off every month ....her fuckoff hobby money comes out her cash. Bigger purchases we discuss and handle it. It works reasonably well if everyone is on the same page with respect to the financial situation of the family.

We carry no debt aside from the mortgage, and are somewhat frugal with the money we do have.

 

[attitude]

We've been a Single income household for about 11 years, those of you in similar situations know the struggle and weight of responsibility. We have 3 kids and wife does an amazing job of running the house and managing kids with school and sports and such. We have great kids and our family is rock solid. We have a shared banking account but do any of you have a separate account or allowance for your wives to use? My wife is not a spender, but I can see she struggles to use our house account for personal fun purchases because she feels bad. I was thinking of giving her an allowance (sound horrible) or giving her a lump sum of cash at tax time since I typically get money back. Was looking to see how some of you guys' approach this. We are not rolling in cash, but from my perspective, it is nice to spend on anything when needed and not having to ask whether it's cool to do so or not.

Perfect timing for this thread, we are new to the single income thing and therefore our finances aren’t really set up for it. As of now when she buys groceries or other necessities she puts the receipt on the counter and I will Zelle her the cash. My thought is to get a credit card we can earn points on and pay it off every month.

 

[BHC Vic]

My wife works and buys whatever she wants when she wants it. I wouldn’t say she splurges on herself but if she wants it she’ll buy it. Sometimes she runs out of money and she just transfers from my account I envy the guys that can make it work with the wife staying home. I really wish we could but I can’t swing it but also she wouldn’t like not having her own money either. She left home at 18 so she’s very independent if that makes sense. She don’t need no man

 

[Bear Down]

Large Purchases are always by committee, what i am saying is if i want to buy a $200 tool at Home Depot or want to buy a $300 bat for my kid, its not something that needs to be discussed. But want to give her the same freedom as myself, short of having her use it on the kids... LOL.. Its a bit easier to live off one income in 2025 vs 2016 as my income has changed, but it was very hard in the beginning. Her Car Payment comes off in 14 months so I get $500 a month back to me.

 

[Ziggy]

View attachment 1478640

Very apprapo for me, my wifes text ringtone is the Jetsons doorbell

 

[brgrcru]

36 years of one income
I spend she spends
Never really worried about it
Always made some money to make it work
Was not easy , with school, club sports and a business .
Lots of sacrifices

paid ourselves first , that went into savings
Raised two great kids .
34 daughter is a nurse
31 son owns a machine shop with 20 employees . Killing it with space x work

Second Income
could of helped with financing my toy addiction .
But we always bought used stuff.
Some how we survived ?

 

[badgas]

Do a monthly budget together and allocate a certain amount of money for both of you to spend on whatever you please.
Fun Money !

we have a category in our budget labeled JBWFLI " Just because we feel like it "

Working together is the key as it is " OUR " money and you won't feel like a parent giving her permission.

 

[2Driver]

One bank account, one visa. We manage our money like minded with the same goals.

Never really had an issue with what to spend money on. We aren't very materialistic for the sake displaying wealth and bathing egos.

 

[Singleton]

Wife and I both pay ourselves from the family account each month. We both get the same amount.
Allows us to purchase ‘fun stuff’ or gifts for each-other without the other seeing it.

 

[185EZ]

We both have our own "fun" accounts which gets funded at the end of the year from our regular joint account.
Neither one of us has a say in how the money is spent.
She wants more earings, go for it. I want another motorcycle, go for it.
Makes life EZ

 

[hallett21]

@Bear Down i believe you’re a self employed painting contractor? Why not just put her on payroll?

 

[Ziggy]

My wife is rather frugile in general but I don't limit her for things she needs/wants. We've always debated about a larger purchase before pulling any triggers. Only once has she broken my trust on a larger spend without discussing it first. It pissed me off royally cuz she did it knowing it wasn't something I approve of and it still haunts me with its presence daily.

 

[WYRD]

Ask grads how much he gets.

 

[Done-it-again]

@Bear Down i believe you’re a self employed painting contractor? Why not just put her on payroll?

I believe he’s a broker for produce freight.

 

[TPC]

36 years of one income
I spend she spends
Never really worried about it
Always made some money to make it work
Was not easy , with school, club sports and a business .
Lots of sacrifices

paid ourselves first , that went into savings
Raised two great kids .
34 daughter is a nurse
31 son owns a machine shop with 20 employees . Killing it with space x work

Second Income
could of helped with financing my toy addiction .
But we always bought used stuff.
Some how we survived ?

Yep, pay yourself first.

 

[Bear Down]

@Bear Down i believe you’re a self employed painting contractor? Why not just put her on payroll?

I wish.... Just a working man selling fruits and Veggies in Los Angeles....

 

[f12517]

As others have suggested...a monthly budget and put a specific line item in it for her so that hopefully there's less hesitation to spend on herself since she knows exactly what she has available for herself.

 

[JFMFG]

My wife works but still struggles to spend on herself it’s all about the kids. You know your finances. For us we only have shared accounts. We have our budget and what we need to save every month etc. I’d go over budget a savings goal and give her whatever is left

 

[rivermobster]

Be like my dad growing up and give yourself the allowance and your wife the rest lmao.

This is Exactly what I did when the kids were little and I was the only one working.

 

[Mandelon]

She gets the paycheck and runs the company books. I get cash from one of the rental places. The bills get worse all the time. Not always easy but she does it OK. Sometimes the card balances go up, and we'll do a flip house or a side project that pays em off and the cycle starts again.

We're buying a property management business from one of my customers. Once that closes things will be great. She and my son will do the heavy lifting on it and I can be the part time handyman. LOL

 

[HNL2LHC]

Been at this for 30+ years. Wife and I had very little at the beginning of our marriage. We had goals that we set out for ourselves. We wanted to buy a house every 5 years and move the next and rent out the one we were moving away from. With the reality of life and expenses it turned out to be every 10 years. 5 would have been possible but the cost of our son’s education got in the way of the goal. Always paid the bills and ourselves (401k/retirement) before the fun was to be had. Because the horrible schooling our son was in private school From K-college. Then you had the high cost of living in Hawaii. Even though we were a dual income family I’d same it is the same as a single income household.

The biggest expense has been mortgage payments. We wanted to be sure that we were never lining anyone else’s pockets. We would pay a little more each month to buy down the length of the years. There are many ways to trick yourself into doing this. Adding an extra payment each year OR paying 10%ish each month. Beware if you do this you are tying up your liquidity. Pulling out cash later could cost you a little bit of $$$$. This happened to us unknowingly. Be sure to understand the mortgage terms and not get taken by the finance company. You got to start somewhere if you have to down size so be it. Do it now!!!

Second is to be sure that you do not get into the CC debt. You are throwIng away significant amounts of $$$ if you do not pay off at the end of each month. If you are not able to manage this then you should not be using a credit card.

Third pay yourself before any fun. The sooner that you start squirreling away some money the more it will compound. Start off company retirement if available and matching. If you do not max it out you are throwing away free money. We started at the minimum At the wife‘s company as our family business did not offer it. Each raise the wife received we would increase a percent or two until she had it maxed out.

Forth vehicles. Everyone should know that vehicles will typically loose money. Our plan was to have only one car payment. That meant that we woudl keep our cars for 10 years. Every 5 years we’d buy a new car and we‘d each get a new car. I kept my first truck for 18 year so we were a head of the game. Wife got a couple of new cars which was still cheaper so when I bought my second truck we splurged and bought a higher end truck.

Last have fun. We would budget for vacations which was our way to connect with family on the mainland. It is not the best way to do it but it worked for us. We over paid monthly on taxes and typically got a return that covered those costs. Today we will put away money each moth so the government will not get an interest free Loan from us.

Other savings
Only go out to lunch on Fridays
Restaurant out one night on the weekend
Make our own coffee
Never really drank outside the home
Home and car repairs done by us
Home renovations by us

After about 25 years and our son out of our expenses we have found that our self control is paying off in folds. With others now paying our rentals one that dates back 30 years we are starting to see that retirement outlook is not that bad. Now I just have to fix the life expectancy that the other thread has given me.

Best of luck to everyone in this position. You can do it and the sooner that you start the better off you will be down the road.

 

[Tank]

25 years together and I've mostly been the income bringer. After we started having kids it was me 100%. My wife doesn't spend much at all which is nice. I'm the spender lol. Big purchases are always a joint discussion. Through lean times and fat times, it can be tight at times but we've always had good communication about where the money is. When I get lumps of cash for selling something or making a commision on some side cha cha I always kick her cash, we joke it's "WAM" (walking around money). She now has a CC for her to buy whatever she wants and she is linked to the checking account via apple pay. It works well. I'd think giving a set allowance or a set lump sum of cash would be kind'a insulting. Get her a CC in her name and it's hers to do with as she wants. If she's responsible like you say, then it's no biggie.

 

[DoughBallin14]

I am on the boat of the wife gets cash from me every sunday thats for the weekly groceries, home goods, and gas.
If she spends wrong then thats it thats the budget she got for the week. I will slightly adjust based on gas prices and stuff but if i let her roll with we will be over spent and over stocked with everything.

I am the shopping guy thats like ok we need a case of cola ok thats 5 bucks this week. Usually last a week or 2.

My wife sees a deal for 3 cases for 12 so she spent more this week but then will buy the 3for12 again the following week because she is a sucker for a deal haha.

Same with like milk. She would buy 3 gallons every monday but we only go through 1 rarely 2 depending on the kids that week. So spending again more per week then what we need.

I get paid weekly so its pretty easy to budget but getting her to understand to only spend what we need for the week has been tough so she gets a spending allowance

 

[TPC]

Our vices budget:

We just finished our taxes and once again what the wife gives to charity I dunno and what I give to charity she doesn't know. Thats the spending we keep each other in the dark for.
Damfino why, we just do.

I'm into Civil War Battlefield preservation and an Email comes in with a $70 dollar donation will kick in from an anonymous person (Warren Buffet) for ever $1 we and others donate. Very effective, bought some historic sites, then we flip it over to the National Park Service. No admin money, its cash on the barrelhead.

The wife is into dog & other animal rescue and placement and donates some serious bank, she also see's where the money goes in person.

 

[Your ad here]

I think you are asking the wrong crowd... I would be asking women this question. If you have a sister, cousin, or friend you're close with I would ask her.
Approaching this with guy thinking/logic can be very dangerous.

 

[lakemadness]

As long as my card doesn't decline, we're all good. That's how I roll.

I put cash in the account. She pays all the bills and spends how she wants, and I do the same. I dont ever look at the account, dont know the balance, or what goes where—no care to track it.

Investment funds, the tables are turned. I invest where I see fit. She doesn't investigate, track the account, or follow the placements.

 

[HNL2LHC]

Oh here is a good one. Every young person that I conduct with business wise I tell to buy ASAP….ANYTHING. Most have not been around too long. I ran the numbers with one that dates back 10 years. At the time he was renting a room in a townhome.. My numbers might be off a bit but It was about $600 a month. I ran the numbers on the exact townhome and if he could save up $15k he could buy the townhome and only have to pay about $200 more a month which would have been covered by the tax savings.

Townhome was about 300k at the time. Fast forward to today those townhomes are about 550k.
Rent was about 600/month today 1200 a month
His mortgage would only be about $1200 a month. Today he rents a 2 bedroom house with his wife for 2400 a month. IF he bought he woudl be banking 1k a month.

OR He could have done what I suggested and buy a second unit and rinse and repeat.

But he is like another guy I know that has been renting his WHOLE life. His plan is to move to the cheapest place in the US when his is not able to work any longer.

 

[Done-it-again]

We've been a Single income household for about 11 years, those of you in similar situations know the struggle and weight of responsibility. We have 3 kids and wife does an amazing job of running the house and managing kids with school and sports and such. We have great kids and our family is rock solid. We have a shared banking account but do any of you have a separate account or allowance for your wives to use? My wife is not a spender, but I can see she struggles to use our house account for personal fun purchases because she feels bad. I was thinking of giving her an allowance (sound horrible) or giving her a lump sum of cash at tax time since I typically get money back. Was looking to see how some of you guys' approach this. We are not rolling in cash, but from my perspective, it is nice to spend on anything when needed and not having to ask whether it's cool to do so or not.

Lets just say, a stay at home wife/mom is the most under valued job that pays nothing and my wife was one of them for 11 yrs.

A verbal appreciation with dinner out just the 2 of you goes a long way , top it off with a stop at the Louis or Gucci store and you are golden.

 

[FreeBird236]

We both get a retirement check and S.S. and mine is larger, but I get the allowance.

I think in general you should consider giving her money for herself, however you figure it out.

 

[DWC]

Wife is a “retired” CPA. She’s handled the money since before the wedding and basically tells me what I can spend. (I lost the reigns in ‘92 when i opened a circuit city CC to buy a Sega Genesis a month before the wedding). We have a pretty good balance. She likes to save and i like to buy play stuff. There’s a Lee Brice lyric that cracks me up every time. “I’d still be driving that old green Nova”. Very fitting for our relationship.

PS. Going from dual incomes to one sucked! She stopped working when our second kid was born 26 years ago. Had just bought a house and had no clue how we were going to pay for squat. Had some rough times but wouldn’t change a thing.

 

[EmpirE231]

But want to give her the same freedom as myself, short of having her use it on the kids... LOL..

I'd come home to the house under a full renovation, new range rover in the driveway and off to a sushi dinner w/ the kids as the car declines

 

[Hypnautic]

Wife was a stay at home Mom for 16 years.
After we had the twins she tried to go back to work--but it only lasted 4 hours. She told her boss she just could not be away from the kids. Plus how much was she really contributing to the financial strength of the household when 60+% of her income was being spent on childcare for a 3yo and infant twins.
Her staying home meant we would eat out less, not have a housecleaner, etc. She was fine with that--so was I.

At that time everything was joint. Bank accounts, CC, Savings.
I guess we were lucky in that she spent money on things we needed, I paid the bills and she bought what we wanted within reason. We never balanced the checking account and there was always money left over.

We dont buy each other any gifts. VDay, BDay, Anniversary, XMas--nothing. When we first started dating I told her I dont like buying gifts (I dont like the pressure of it) so if there was something she wanted--we would get it right then so she could enjoy it versus having to wait for a "special occasion". It has worked very well for us, to the point our oldest (24) and her Fiancé do the same thing.

Big ticket items usually have a discussion if we really need that item. But did she come home with a new 85" TV a few months ago with out asking, yes. Have I come home to find new complete dinning room sets or Living and Family room furniture--yes. Did the kids rooms get upgraded without my knowledge--yes. But, have I bought two cars without asking?--yes. First one showed up on our driveway with her asking what is this and when did you buy it. The other, I came running downstairs and said "look what I bought" and flew out the next day to go pick it up.

We are not wealthy. We do very well--but we dont float in a DCB. I guess we could if that was our goal or priority, but its not. We always seemed to have money when the kids or family needed it. We are blessed to have raised our kids on the river, camping, traveling and having them know their family in Hawaii.

When the Wife did go back to work--it was because she felt the kids were old enough and they were doing their own thing and didnt need to be shuttled around. Her income was what I called Hobby Lobby money--cause a lot of it went there. Even to this day, she only pays 1 bill. That is our truck payment--she said I paid enough and for long enough and that she would take that on. I appreciate that a lot too.

I guess after typing this--it comes down to this is OUR money, not yours or mine. If you both are in tune with the family then each other knows what they can or cannot buy at that time. Dont make the non-working spouse feel any less cause they dont bring in money. They are doing a job that most men would quit or fail within days. I know I would not have wanted that job and I have told her that many times.

 

[HBCraig]

I have dual income and have 2 kids in college. I don't want them to work, just get good grades. They do
I have debt from traveling to watch them play baseball and softball. But, I don't regret a thing. It will all end one day and I can pay off my debt.

 

[bowtiejunkie]

We were a single income family for 14 years. I'm the breadwinner, CFO, Handyman and Mechanic; she's CEO, HR, and head of Sales. Short answer is no, we've never set up a separate account with an allowance for her. She does have a CC in her name and authorized user on my two main CC's. She doesn't buy much for herself, but because we have 2 daughters, sometimes, the budget gets busted. Lol

I make ok money, and we only have a mortgage for debt, but a few months ago she returned to work (part-time retail during day M-F). Factors leading to that were overall Inflation (costs for damn near everything has increased), kids are way more expensive now at 14 & 15 yo (not to mention unpredictable expenses), a series of financial beatdowns since employer's collapse in March 2023 leading to major investment loss and decreasing income. We'll get through the current speed bumps. I really feel fortunate my wife was willing to stay home to raise our 2 daughters. A lot of sacrifices were made, and continue to be made.

 

[J DUNN]

Single income here too, for all 25 years of our marriage. We’ve done various things. I’m a big proponent of it being “our money” however neither of us are great at tracking expenses so we divide it into two accounts. What we currently have is a budget of what she covers (food, clothes, kids expenses and any personal expenses for her like lunches out or Amazon) and what I cover (house payment, house bills, any personal expenses for me) and we split my check into separate accounts to cover those expenses.

Her debit card covers her Amazon account but also covers dry cleaning so she can pick and choose where she spends and saves. She has a cushion of a bit more than she needs so each pay period we take 50% of what she has left from previous two weeks and put it into savings. This helps her maintain cushion but also have a say in contributing to savings.

Final tip regarding wording, it’s an allotment not an allowance.

 

[Socalx09]

I didn’t read every response so if I repeated something I’m sorry.

cash or gift cards to the places she likes rather than to say an allowance.

If your wife likes getting her nails and hair done, but won’t make time. Schedule it out so it is a standing appointment and take the kids those days. Figure out what it cost plus tip with lunch/coffee money as well. If you have it set up and she doesn’t have to worry about anything besides showing up, she’ll have some relief.

As far as clothes, sunglasses, etc. Robert will give me cash seasonally for me to do whatever I want with it. So I often buy the things I think are too spendy with that. I don’t have to check in with him if I want something, but we have similar goals as far as savings and what we want to have so I don’t go overboard. And, he doesn’t question much because he buys whatever he wants all the time.

My mom makes 6 figures and is single. She will never spend on herself. She loves spoiling others and will often put things in the cart for herself and then put it back by the end of the shopping trip. It drives me crazy. She just wasn’t raised that way. So I splurge on her and get her things she would never buy herself. She gets really shy and doesn’t know what to do. So your wife may fall in that category that spending on others brings her happiness.

 

[MPHSystems]

We are a single earner household, well My wire and kids are on my payroll but I do have 2 careers. My wife is rather thrifty and I spend money like a drunken sailor.