Old Saying’s…..😎

[fat rat]

One of my dad’s favorite was….You tighter than a mosquitoes ass stretched over a rain barrel !

Another from a friend of his that you to say to my dad …You are so tight, that you squeeze a nickel so hard..that the buffalo shit in your hand.

 

[500bbc]

Talking to any democrat:
Society would have been better served if your dad had the common decency to jack your unborn ass off onto a stump...

 

[Yoshiro]

raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

I feel more like I do now than when I got here.

hunched up like a dog sh!tting a peach pit.

 

[coolchange]

Fuck that…

 

[4Waters]

Sweating like a whore in church

Bleeding like a stuck pig

Colder than a witches tit

 

[Fun Times]

An upcoming Holiday fitting….See You Next Year.

 

[dread Pirate]

Can't make a ho a housewife

 

[The Prisoner]

To a hot chick?

 

[Bullet28]

My grandmother used to tell my grandfather, Ernie I’ll slap you so hard your shirttail will roll up like a window blind. And then my grandfather would say Opal you are like an old Bluejay all you do is shit and holler. Man those were the days.

 

[Todd Mohr]

Had a detailer that used to say- boss I'm sweating like a runaway slave

 

[napanutt]

My best friend back in the 90’s used to like the “ hotter than a two dollar pistol”.

 

[Todd Mohr]

cuter than a bug on a bunny's ear
that boy is sharper than a sack of wet mice

 

[ltbaney1]

colder than a whores heart
Harder than a whores heart
moister than an oyster
harder than chinese arithmatic

 

[samsah33]

Regret is an emotion you can control. This was told to me by a salesperson, but I've busted it out on quite a few occasions.

"Women - can't live with 'em... Pass the beer nuts." - Norm Peterson

 

[RIVERBORN]

I’m so hungry I could eat the ass of a menstruating skunk.

 

[Wolskis]

The faster you go the behinder you get.

 

[hallett21]

If my aunt had a dick she’d be my uncle

 

[LazyLavey]

The best part of you is runnin down the back of your mommas leg

 

[dread Pirate]

Grandma would say,,

1 boy has a brain
2 boys you have half a brain
3 and you're down to 1/4
and 4 you have no brains left at all,,,

now I have kids I know exactly what she meant,

 

[cofooter]

Beer - the cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems - Homer Simpson

 

[evantwheeler]

The best part of you is runnin down the back of your mommas leg

I was scanning for this one before I posted it.....beat me to it!

We had a superintendent full of these sayings. He was early 50's and had been in civil construction his whole life and they put three of us early 20's engineers in a shared open office with him so he could "mentor" us. We learned to chew Skoal, drink on the company card, golf on company time, and to also how to get shit built. I'll never forget one of the other kids saying something stupid as he always did, and Richard looking over at him in disbelief - "We'd all be better off if your father had just rolled over and shot his load onto the wall." He also used the one you posted on other occasions. Miss those times.

 

[cofooter]

My Dad used to wake me up as a teenager when he came into my room and said "Get your hand off your cock, and get into your socks"

 

[attitude]

Buddies dad loosening an axel nut
“It’s tighter than a virgin on prom night”

 

[Sharky]

Dad-

You want something to cry about?

I'll give you something to cry about!

 

[badgas]

"Colder than a well diggers ass"

"Smells like a pack mule fart in an outhouse"

"You smell like the south end of north facing mule"

" that will go over like a fart in church "

" That's hotter than Texas Mule piss "

" I feel like I've been shot at and missed and shit at and hit "

Lot's of mule references not sure why my buddy had so many mule sayings : )

 

[Cray Paper]

Lol, great thread! My dad used several that have already been mentioned.. Sum Bitch, colder than a witches tit, went over like a fart in church, raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock etc.

Couple I heard over the years that stuck from Jerry the old ass carpenter - " that's tighter than a bugs ass", "Cheaper to keep her", "They dont call them house keepers for nothin".

One of my favorites is from the Skanska Civil Supt I am working under now on a JV job, "If you cant do it right, do it at night!".

 

[badgas]

My Dad used to wake me up as a teenager when he came into my room and said "Get your hand off your cock, and get into your socks"

My did the same. Every Sat morning when he got us up to work

" Drop your C*%!S and grab your socks "

 

[napanutt]

“Better than it was”
“Good enough for the girls we go out with”

 

[DUN]

Kinda different than the rest of these but I'll never forget my Dad, brothers, and I rolling thru the hills following a hay truck for wayyyyyy too long.

Pops goes, "Get that hay hauling, oat toting, alfalfa wheeling, barnyard beater the fuck out of my way"

 

[DarkHorseRacing]

This one comes from the Navy:

We looked like two monkeys fucking a football!

 

[SBMech]

Off by a red cunt hair

I made ya boy, I'll take ya out and make another one just like ya

Slicker than a greased pig

 

[SBMech]

A bad excuse is better than none

A watched pot never boils

Dead men tell no tales

All good things come to an end

Another day, another dollar

A bird dies for food, a man dies for riches

Blood is thicker than water

I hear shitloads of em, mechanics seem to use a lot of them hah!

 

[DarkHorseRacing]

Im not a skinny dude and that same Navy friend would tell me:

If you had to haul ass you’d have to make two trips!

 

[Bajastu]

Off like a prom dress.

Stands out like a dick at a dinner table.

I feel like a three legged cat burying a turd on a frozen pond.

 

[dread Pirate]

“Better than it was”
“Good enough for the girls we go out with”

That's bodyshop lingo right there,,

 

[Ultra...Good]

OK smart guy, tell me, how does a blind person know when they are done wiping their butt..........(crickets).............

 

[cofooter]

My neighbor is a finish carpenter/cabinet maker - "Caulk and Paint, make us what we ain't"

 

[Dr Rob]

One of my dad’s favorite was….You tighter than a mosquitoes ass stretched over a rain barrel !

Another from a friend of his that you to say to my dad …You are so tight, that you squeeze a nickel so hard..that the buffalo shit in your hand.

You couldn't shove a pin up my a** with a jackhammer.

 

[clark]

raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

I feel more like I do now than when I got here.

hunched up like a dog sh!tting a peach pit.

it's shitting shingle nails' How about from my dad, Don'tpiss on my leg and tell me it's rain

 

[clark]

hunched over like a pouch fucking a football
sticks out like a turd in a punchbowl
cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey
eat shit and bark at the moon

from my father and my grandfather

 

[clark]

I’m so hungry I could eat the ass of a menstruating skunk.

my brother used to say, so hungry i could eat the ass out of a pig on the run

 

[SoCalDave]

You're as useless as tits on a boar hog.

If your brains were made out of cotton you'd have enough to make a kotex for an ant.

God gave man only enough blood to use one head at a time.

 

[playdeep]

Grew up on a working ranch,breaking horses.

"Sometimes you make 8,sometimes you hit dirt"

 

[Flyinbowtie]

"Nuttier than a 3 peckered billy goat"

"Stink so bad it'd make a buzzard puke on a gut wagon"

 

[rivermobster]

Your mom shoulda swallowed you.

 

[73beast]

Tell my dad i would want something he would say,"Want in one hand shit in the other one,see which one fills up faster"

 

[Reddy Too]

Get off the table Mabel, the quarter is for the beer.

 

[oldboatsrule]

If ?!?.... if frogs had wings, they wouldn't bump their ass when they hopped.

Dad used to say to my buddy Mike... "With your luck, it could be raining pussies. And you'de get the one with a dick in it.

 

[PlumLoco]

The proper quip is "colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra".
Remember Dad saying " if I have to take off this belt" but he never did.
Hornier than a two-pecketed Billy goat.
You really screwed the pooch this time.

Anytime Grandpa was leaving, he'd always pat himself down and say "spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch".
"Good, better best, never let it rest, until good is better, and better is best.
Before a date: Behave yourselves. If you can't do that, don't name it after me.

 

[dezrtracer]

You couldn't drive a greased pen cap up my ass with a jackhammer.

Does a one legged duck swim in a circle.

If the queen had balls she'd be the king.