Mid Life Crisis

[941Punk]

At 37, I'm fully aware now that I am going through mine.

According to Wikipedia.
Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques stating a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life.[1] A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance.


Did you older guys ever come to a day where you said "enough was enough" and changed your whole life and start living?

 

[hulihan]

Yep, I am 51 and went through mine about a year ago You begin to realize what is important and what is not.

 

[941Punk]

Mine started around a year ago also.

It amazes me how certain songs can change your whole outlook in life.

Having ice cold Landshark at 9:30 in the morning, sitting at your tiki bar, and jammin some song about being "knee deep in the water somewhere" doesn't suck.

 

[Nashvillebound]

Be careful with what you wish for during times like those......The grass isn't always greener on the other side. :headscratch:

 

[Hammer]

Been going through it the last few years. I'd like to hear some insight and experiences from the members as well.

EDIT : not a mid life crisis, more of a huge fork in the road career wise . I admire my father , but I don't want to be him or follow the same path as him.

 

[Flyinbowtie]

My Dad died when I was 22. He was my best friend.
That pretty much pointed out my mortality to me.
I didn't have a midlife crisis, but I had some kinda crisis when my career got yanked out from underneath my by my damn back.
It took me an honest 2 years to get it sorted out in my head that I was done.
Just stay aware of what you are feeling and understand what it is...and don't make permanent, irrevocable decisions about temporary, transient problems. Those will bite you in the ass. Try to start looking at big decisions with as much of a long term perspective as possible. I can tell you this...it is absolutely true that your perception of time changes...time starts moving faster and faster and faster, so don't waste any of it

 

[Cajun]

I've made a few adjustments over the last few years, gradually. Midlife? Maybe. And maybe more so that it's a realization that I'm not 25, or 35 anymore, but pushing 45 and I don't need to go full tilt anymore. I still enjoy my Bloody Mary on the weekend mornings, and switch to beer by noon, grilling something and just sitting at my backyard bar. My wife and I sometimes converse that maybe we are getting boring, but honestly, we couldn't be happier doing what we are doing.

 

[was thatguy]

Yep, I am 51 and went through mine about a year ago You begin to realize what is important and what is not.

Also 51 here.

You do see it coming at you, like I don't know what I'll be physically able to do at 60 or older.
If you have a so called bucket list, better start doing it or refining it.

I enjoy time with my kids now without being as judgmental with them (all adults).

Things I would be frugal about 10 years ago I now do without worrying about it.
In fact, I don't worry about much at all despite my sometimes "combative" internet persona.

It always strikes me as sort of amusing when people see an older guy in a Vette or Porsche or whatever and say, "He's having a mid-life crisis"....No, he just can afford it now!

I think there is a difference between realizing that you ARE getting older like in your 30's...(sort of a mortality check?), as compared to real mid-life crisis feelings.

 

[Tom Brown]

I don't worry about much at all despite my sometimes "combative" internet persona.

Look asshole, the last thing we want out of you is civility.


As for midlife crisis, how can you describe to someone the feeling that things don't do themselves so if you want to do specific things in your life, you need to get the hell on with it? For me, it's a feeling of finite time that needs to be used wisely.

I'm extremely thankful I have been financially prudent to be near retirement. If I wasn't close to the end of my working career, I don't know how I'd get out of bed each day.

 

[JMC]

They need to take the "crisis" out of the term. There is no F'n crisis about it, people are just mentally growing and finally accepting the obvious. Job loss, financial worries and all that other crap is just Life....."Somewhere" Someone is worried about their next meal, another is equally worried about his or hers Xmas bonus and finally another is equally worried about picking the color of his wifes new "surprise" Bentley. No one knows if they are going to wake up in the morn or if they will make it home at the end of the day. If you are reading this, you're not at the bottom....you obviously have internet, a computer and you are breathing....be thankful ! My step dad died of Mesothelioma earlier this year and was only 56. I too have felt everything that middle aged guys have and it continues to come and go everyday. I always think about all the children and toddlers that battle Cancer and other diseases every day and this allows me to see just how lucky and blessed I am to make it to 43. I dont worry about "life" crap as much anymore. I spend the money I make and sometimes live paycheck to paycheck because of this and dont worry as much about the crap I cant control. Have fun in life and experience everything you can. Be thankful for what you have and dont wish for whats not sitting at the dock or in your driveway....cause somewhere there is someone that would give their right arm for a fraction of what YOU have. Cheers RD friends!

 

[Tom Slick]

I've made a few adjustments over the last few years, gradually. Midlife? Maybe. And maybe more so that it's a realization that I'm not 25, or 35 anymore, but pushing 45 and I don't need to go full tilt anymore. I still enjoy my Bloody Mary on the weekend mornings, and switch to beer by noon, grilling something and just sitting at my backyard bar. My wife and I sometimes converse that maybe we are getting boring, but honestly, we couldn't be happier doing what we are doing.

I sometimes like to look at what you've described, like this saying I saw somewhere: "Time wasted isn't really time wasted if you enjoyed wasting it"

 

[Tom Brown]

OK... I'll serve up a meatball that should go over well.

Lately, I find myself looking at older Porsche 911s. No bullshit. I'd like to find a later 80s 3.2 Carrera.

This isn't a burning need. I'm kind of with Tommy in that it doesn't have much to do with anything other than being able to afford it, where I couldn't before. My view is directly opposed to Tommy's in every other way, though. Even when we agree, I am dead against anything he brings forward.

 

[whiteworks]

No one gets out alive, this is no secret. Best I can figure is to make every minute count and try to be a good human along the way. If something is really not right in your life, change it. This is not a dress rehearsal. Lots of experiences to shape a well rounded good lived life, don't sell yourself short on any of them.

A friend posted this on FB this morning, seems fitting enough and adds some perspective to the topic at hand.

CRABBY OLD MAN

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in... North Platte , Nebraska , it was believed that he had nothing left of any value

Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem . Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital

One nurse took her copy to Missouri . The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health.. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . . when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, . ... .. not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . .. . . . . . with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . . .. . . . . and makes no reply .
When you say in a loud voice .. . . . .. 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . ... . the things that you do .
And forever is losing . . . . .. . . . . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . . . .. . . lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . you're not looking at me .

I'll tell you who I am . As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten ... . . . . . with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . ... . . . . . who love one another.

A young boy of Sixteen . . with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . . .. .. . . a lover he'll meet..
A groom soon at Twenty . my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows . . . . .. . that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . . . . I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . . . . .. . . . .. My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . . . . With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons .. . have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . . . . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . . . . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me . . my wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . .. . . . . . . shudder with dread..
For my young are all rearing . . . . . .. young of their own.
And I think of the years . . .. and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . . . .. .. . . and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. . . . . . . grace and vigor, depart..
There is now a stone . . . .. . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . . a young guy still dwells,
And now and again . . . .. . . . my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys . . . . . . . . .. I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . .. . . . . life over again.

I think of the years, all too few . . . . . gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . . . .. that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people . . . . . . . . open and see.
Not a crabby old man. Look closer . . . see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within . . . . we will all, one day, be there, too!

 

[was thatguy]

Look asshole, the last thing we want out of you is civility.


As for midlife crisis, how can you describe to someone the feeling that things don't do themselves so if you want to do specific things in your life, you need to get the hell on with it? For me, it's a feeling of finite time that needs to be used wisely.

I'm extremely thankful I have been financially prudent to be near retirement. If I wasn't close to the end of my working career, I don't know how I'd get out of bed each day.

Thats as good a description as any.......Asshole.:grumble:

I have been extremely reckless my entire life, financially and otherwise.

About age 40 I started to realize that no one retires from the oilfield.....they just give up.
So I made the move to DD and and was EXTREMELY fortunate to sort of make up time financially.

One thing that has never frightened me is death. As long as I can remember it has always seemed to me that being born is the scary part, seriously.
So at this point, having survived my youth, my drug abuse, all the situations that should have killed me, it leaves me with a sort of bliss.
I am lucky to be here, lucky to have good income, lucky to have a GREAT Wife who could be my clone in attitude, lucky and fortunate in every way.

(Regardless of your spewing about my life being a "morass of shit" ....whatever the hell that means.... (yellow smilies)

So, Ralph....you "clocking in" today or what?????:thumbsup

 

[whiteworks]

Well that poem seemed to shut everyone up LOL

 

[YoPengo]

Did you older guys ever come to a day where you said "enough was enough" and changed your whole life and start living?

Yes... had the big job, big salary and big responsibilities running a big company in San Clemente.

Had my house for sale and was getting ready to purchase a big house behind the "Coto" gates.

Came home from work one day and told my wife that I had quit my job and we were taking the house off the market. I started a business that I could do from home and still have time for my family.

I don't know how or why but I realized that I was overcompensating for growing up dirt poor. My Mom and I were on our own since I was eleven. We lived in a trailer in Tucson, AZ and at one time I lived under condo stairs in Norwalk, CA...I realized that as a kid all I wanted was my family and to always be happy... It wasn't money or a big house that made us happy.

I now have time to be involved in my kids lives, live in a house that I can afford and my kids can grow up in great neighborhood with great neighbors.

I also went through the "Toy" faze... It didn't last long and I did not have the time to use them all.

It sounds like you are already simplifying your life and doing the things the work for your family... Good for you. :thumbsup

 

[Devilman]

Well that poem seemed to shut everyone up LOL

It does kinda have that effect, lol... Definitely will set ya back & little and get you to thinking, did me anyway. :thumbsup

 

[Jefftowz]

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

I've always had this opinion, You could wake up dead.... I think it should called a mid life 2nd chance to go have fun and live!

 

[was thatguy]

"Life is what happens while we are busy making other plans"

John Lennon

 

[Tom Brown]

Well that poem seemed to shut everyone up LOL

Tommy and I are too busy struggling for alpha leadership of this thread to notice any other posts.

 

[was thatguy]

Tommy and I are too busy struggling for alpha leadership of this thread to notice any other posts.

Sorry to hear you are struggling....should I use smaller words????:headscratch:

 

[460]

Pretty sure mine started the day I turned 33.

 

[PVHCA]

Pretty sure mine started the day I turned 33.

so back in 1992? LOL

 

[460]

so back in 1992? LOL

Sorry bro. Your one of the old fucks here , not me.

 

[PVHCA]

Sorry bro. Your one of the old fucks here , not me.

Black and angry is no way to go through life!!

On a side note, checked out the hunting section for the first time the other day, a lot of awesome pics in there on yours and other threads.

 

[TITTIES AND BEER]

I just had one :grumble: I was out splitting wood and couldn't get a round to split so I grabed the sledge and a STEEL wedge , get the wedge set in the round " whatk "! WHATK ! the fuckn wedge came flying out AND HIT ME RIGHT IN THE NUTS ! SONNNNNNNNNN OF A BITCH THAT HURT . I'm on break now :grumble::grumble:

 

[Ziggy]

Totally have been dealing with it for a few years now....much of what seemed so important a while ago in truth was meaningless. Its kinda like if you cheated on a spouse for that momentary euphoria. Used to be important to go 100mph in life, shiny cars, perfect house in the best neighborhoods, making sure you look better than the next door neighbor.:blah::blah::blah::blah::blah::blah::blah::blah:
.
Now I drive sensibly, I don't have the fastest toy, or boat or truck. I wear 3+ yr old clothing. I try not to let little things upset me and raise blood pressure.
Tough part is even though I'm 50+ it still feels like just yesterday I was jumping off cliffs wasted out of my mind at 25.......then when I get up out of bed I'm quickly reminded I'm over 50 creak, groan, pop

 

[460]

Black and angry is no way to go through life!!

On a side note, checked out the hunting section for the first time the other day, a lot of awesome pics in there on yours and other threads.

Did you know anger is a perfectly normal emotion? Rage, that's the bad one

I'm neither anymore.


And thanks on the pictures. It's what I do.

 

[whiteworks]

At 36 I feel like I am just getting my stride right and making moves that count. I feel that my time on these forums has been crucial to side stepping several land mines in life. The insight that everyones experiances have provided over the years is truly priceless for the big picture.

Thanks RDP

 

[Buoy]

And thanks on the pictures. It's what I do.

Yeah, cuz from the stories in the threads you sure as shit can't hunt

 

[Cole Trickle]

I try to enjoy life and side step the normal issues and drama.....

Saw my parents struggle to keep up with the jones's and it cost them a couple marriages. They both have and had made a ton of $$$ along the way but neither of them have anything substansial in the bank to to the roller coaster of life.

I will work towards keeping my family close and happy while never sacraficing family time for finnancial gain.

I am completely satisfied with my position in society........This drives my dad crazy

The older I get the more I understand your supposed to smell the flowers and enjoy the journey:cool

I fucked up the whole mid life program anyway by buying a new corvette when I was 27...lol:skull

 

[460]

Yeah, cuz from the stories in the threads you sure as shit can't hunt

Anyone tell you to fuck off today?

 

[Buoy]

Anyone tell you to fuck off today?

Not yet.

 

[460]

Not yet.

Well, here you go.

Fuck off

 

[Buoy]

Well, here you go.

Fuck off

 

[941Punk]

Here is what i'm doing.

1. Getting rid of my Porsche. It was fun, but cost me a whole bunch. Doesn't do it for me anymore.
2. I left AZ in a 3500 sq house, moved to this island in a older smaller home, now looking for 2BD, 1200-1400 ft place south of here.
3. Said house will be around the low 100's somewhere in the ballpark of my income.
4. Changed my work hours to 3 AM to Noonish. Spend the rest of the day either sitting my ass on a beach reading, or on my paddle board, or fishing. I can pick up more work to if I get bored.
5. Goodwill is awesome.
6. No more going out to eat. What a waste.
7. Watch my kid experience his teen years and be there to guide him.
8. Have my wife quit working her finance / banking job.
9. Travel the Caribbean and Australia.
10. Buy a skiff, call it a day.

I have 1 year to go to for fill my financial obligations. After that, hopefully smooth sailing.

 

[OCMerrill]

Here is what i'm doing.

1. Getting rid of my Porsche. It was fun, but cost me a whole bunch. Doesn't do it for me anymore.
2. I left AZ in a 3500 sq house, moved to this island in a older smaller home, now looking for 2BD, 1200-1400 ft place south of here.
3. Said house will be around the low 100's somewhere in the ballpark of my income.
4. Changed my work hours to 3 AM to Noonish. Spend the rest of the day either sitting my ass on a beach reading, or on my paddle board, or fishing. I can pick up more work to if I get bored.
5. Goodwill is awesome.
6. No more going out to eat. What a waste.
7. Watch my kid experience his teen years and be there to guide him.
8. Have my wife quit working her finance / banking job.
9. Travel the Caribbean and Australia.
10. Buy a skiff, call it a day.

I have 1 year to go to for fill my financial obligations. After that, hopefully smooth sailing.

Get a decent twin OB skiff and you can run drugs and illegals from Cuba. Your already up at 3AM.

 

[500bbc]

Interesting thread.

One thing I've noticed is a grip of my friends just going off the rails in their forties, couple offed themselves, one decided he wasn't straight anymore (showed up at the river with his boyfriend and two other fellas), others just turned into miserable grumby bastards.

I've always been off the rails so noticeable change here.

 

[Buoy]

I turned 40 a yr and a half ago, I had just moved into our dream house, and became a Grandpa (stepdaughter).
I was working my usual 12-14 hr days like I'd done all my life.
I've been a manager since I was 22, owned my own biz for about 5 yrs.
My blood pressure was out of control (210/120 or something like that)
Went to work one morning, just not feeling right. I never missed work.
By that evening I was in the ER having a massive stroke, fearing for my life.
2 weeks in the hospital.
I've lost about 60% of use on my right side. That's permanent.

It's strange how quickly your perspective on life can change.

My Truck is 8 years old, the wifes Hummer is 7 yrs old, my boat is 32 yrs old and disassembled. I couldn't tell you the last time I bought new clothes, or even went out to eat. Not that we couldn't, just not priority.
I don't intend to buy new cars, clothes, or anything else anytime soon.
Simplifying your life isn't that bad.

 

[WTRR]

I'm 54 and went through mine in my late 30's. I was burning the candle at both ends trying to get all the shit that I thought was important. Woke up one morning and realized I was headed down the wrong path. I had all this cool shit and was miserable. As Yopengo said, I think I was trying to overcome the fact that I'd been dirt poor when I was a kid. Sold the fast cars and high performance boats and started sinking the money I was spending on them in other ventures. Stopped taking 3 or 4 vacations a year all over the fucking world and bought my first river property. Hanging out with the family and friends on the water, on the deck or around the firepit at night was what I longed for. I started making wiser financial decisions and cut the stress out of my life. A lot of the changes had to do with the fact that I realized I was starting the second half of my life. The past 15 years have been by far, the best of my life. I've got two grandsons now and the oldest loves to go to the river with us. All my kids are doing well in their own lives and I'm so thankful for that. I got rid of the bullshit that was cluttering up my life and returned to my roots...just a simple Tennessee farmboy.


I'll drink to that.

 

[hulihan]

I have been extremely reckless my entire life, financially and otherwise.

About age 40 I started to realize that no one retires from the oilfield.....they just give up.
So I made the move to DD and and was EXTREMELY fortunate to sort of make up time financially.

One thing that has never frightened me is death. As long as I can remember it has always seemed to me that being born is the scary part, seriously.
So at this point, having survived my youth, my drug abuse, all the situations that should have killed me, it leaves me with a sort of bliss.
I am lucky to be here, lucky to have good income, lucky to have a GREAT Wife who could be my clone in attitude, lucky and fortunate in every way.

Sounds a lot like me !