Lets talk about 20 somethings living at home

[Taboma]

Yes, everyone would have free healthcare through the VA. Sound like a win-win.

You mean SOME would be eligible. There's numerous qualifiers for non-service related services, with income being a major factor.

 

[Ouderkirk]

I moved out when I went to college and never returned. As I was approaching college graduation, my dad offered me a room for rent for 6 months, then I had to move out. I got a job offer Thanksgiving week of my senior year and that was what I needed to rent a room when I graduated. Granted, I paid 100% of my room and board in college (dad paid tuition).

My oldest left the house when he went to college and never returned.

Middle kid (22 stepson), is home after dropping out of college. Posted about that in the other thread. Kid has no motivation to do anything. It’s a huge issue and part of that is on me and my wife, the other is on his biological father.

The standard of living downgrade that is required to pay your own way is something that tjese kids won't do.
Most kids who grow up in middle class circumstances are unwilling to move into a working class or lower neighborhood. They expect a lateral move, which without a hard science degree is next to impossible.

 

[Looking Glass]

Jeezus tapdancing christ....maybe the local elementary school can be of service to you in an effort to help you put down your thoughts in a coherent manner. Are you 8 years old or just fucking stupid? = = ?

@RiverDave .. can you change up the entrance exam to maybe include some basic math that one can do on their fingers if they don't have one hand wrapped around a limp dick....and maybe spell their name correctly 2 times in a row

OH, now I understand, You are one of those with a "Dead Beat" sucking off anyone who will believe their Sad Story excuse for doing something/ANYTHING.

 

[Singleton]

The standard of living downgrade that is required to pay your own way is something that tjese kids won't do.
Most kids who grow up in middle class circumstances are unwilling to move into a working class or lower neighborhood. They expect a lateral move, which without a hard science degree is next to impossible.

I tell my kids a modified version of what Shaq told his kids.
My version = I have money that I choose to spend on you. You only have the money in your checking and savings account. Don’t confuse my willingness to spend money, with you being rich. You are not rich, your poor, but until you move out and experience what poor is, you will never know how lucky you are.

 

[lbhsbz]

OH, now I understand, You are one of those with a "Dead Beat" sucking off anyone who will believe their Sad Story excuse for doing something/ANYTHING.

See my previous post you =fucktard

I can have more productive conversations with my neighbor’s fucking cat.

Edit: =

 

[Cray Paper]

Great thread topic, I bettered my children's life compared to my upbringing by working every hour I could and spending the fruits of my labor to benefit my children and my wife over those almost 20 years. When the wife decided I was not invested enough in her she went nuclear. I am not perfect, but I really think mothers mentality's drive a wedge in to what our children perceive and I am still dealing with this to this day. I think a lot of todays problems with kids comes down to perspective differences between parents. Women are provided so much influence during divorce and in my case, it has driven a huge divide between me and my sons. I am not perfect but my ex is a major negative influence on my sons that it in my mind is criminal.

 

[Mcob25rg]

67, kids are 41/42, married. We paid everything through college, and weddings, but they both knew the music stopped at graduation. I think sometimes parents are being selfish because they really don’t want to / aren’t ready to let go. I agree that the things they really need to know aren’t taught in any school. My son was in grad school when I had to explain what being upside down in car meant. I had to pull both back into reality when they wanted to buy a house. I explained what their income would sustain, and they both told me “ that’s not what the guy at the bank said”. They listened to me. I had to explain why they needed to exceed the match on their 401k’s ( couldn’t believe their employers didn’t), and now they’re thanking me. I’m trying to stop them from doing all the stupid stuff I did, and by giving them facts, it seems to be working, but I’ll admit I wouldn’t be upset if I ended my time living with them and some of the grandkids by my own selfishness.

 

[1tonfun]

Our rule with all our kids was after high school, they either went on to college or trade school. If they didn't choose one of the above, they paid rent and still had to abide by some simple house rules. Mom no longer did their laundry, dinner was still at the same time and if they didn't show, they were on their own. Wife and I saved their rent and gave it to them for the down on their first home. They all purchased homes before they were 25, they hated paying rent on anything.

 

[JL95]

Mom's street and the adjoining street in orangecrest have approximately 15 grown ass adult children who have not moved out of their parents house. Parking lot driveways. Proud to not be part of that count.

 

[stillhustlin]

This is true. There are young people working entry level jobs everywhere here.

My kids are getting jobs at 15-16.

I’ve noticed this as well. Most of are our entry jobs and for entry level employees (high schoolers). In CA it’s much more common to see people in their 40s working at a McDonald’s instead of a 16 year old.

 

[17 10 Flat]

You don't get free healthcare just for serving. I only get "free" healthcare from the VA on injuries I obtained while I was in the Army. In order to get full health coverage you have to be rated at 100% disabled, or you have to be retired. All that said, fuck the VA!

Intresting the VA close to me Viera, Florida the vet's and retirees love that place nothing bad to say.

Although the when living in Michigan the Allen Park VA was a hell hole. I was in the reserves and did some weekends there, Old vets in wheelchairs scattered about the hall drooping over it was so sad. Some of us would scoop um up and take them to their rec area and play pool with them One guy had only one arm he used a short nap brush as a perch for cue stick to play. Damn was he good.

 

[TPC]

When I was 23 I bought my first house and the payment with impound taxes was $424 a month and a tax write off. Net payment was $300 or half of one paycheck.
I moved out of a $100 a month apartment in Sherman Oaks.
A new 911 or 427 Vett was $6800.

Maynard is 23! Basic 1 bedroom apartment rents here are $2300 a month + utilities.

NFW I want the kids to blow that kind bank on a bed when they can live at home for free.
The Italian section of the family that's expected, that's always been the culture.
Stay at home until you start a family.

Maynard says he'll get Married, have kids, buy some land and live a agriculture life. He'll have to learn to grow russets bigger than a golf ball first.

If you ever want to get my wife to laugh ask her: "what type of girl will be willing to Marry Maynard?"

 

[TPC]

When I first retired I had our boat in Balboa in a slip at the ELKS. I was down there all the time. The bar manager dies. The day bartender quit & moved.
I was asked to volunteer bar manage for free until the trustees could hire a new manager.

I hired a stunning fun blond bartender, 21 year old April. She got full pay, Kaiser and we didn't tax her tips. She walked out with her pockets over flowing with tip money each shift. A million dollar a year bar.

She was pissed off one afternoon because her parents now wanted her to pay $175 a month rent. They lived "right off the water" in Balboa Harbor and her high ceiling glass outside wall bedroom opened to their dock. Doesn't get any better. "That's my bedroom that I grew up in and they want me to pay."

 

[JL95]

pics???? lol

 

[Lumpy]

What is he studying and what field does he want to get into?

My nephew just graduated (duel degree with honors - Econ & Finance). Went into investment mgmt - thought he would be making 100k plus, offers were hitting his desk in the 60’s.

Architect…apprenticeship starts at 60k in our area. A bachelors will put him in the 100k starting range. Pretty crazy what is required for a bachelors in that field…its a five year degree. He will also have two AA’s…not a bad start on life. No debt as of yet…gonna try to keep it little or none if possible. Hell, I’ll probably end up moving into his basement when its all said and done.

 

[PlumLoco]

https://creditnews.com/economy/its-...y-young-adults-are-living-with-their-parents/

 

[Uncle Dave]

A bit after 18 and getting basic degrees, I charged my boys modest rent and board. Made them kick in something.

I kept track of the rent and and gave it back X2 when they moved out. (swore the first kid to secrecy and violence if he told)

Older boy is sitting on it some of it younger boy used it as a down on a condo.

Very Early on through laziness or foolishness they "tested me" (cant find a job blah blah) , and the response was pulling electricity from their room most of the day and night until they got something going. When the video games and internet shut off - shit got real. You get a warm bed and shower, but I'm not paying for fun and lubriderm anymore.

Momma bear squirmed a little, but I assured her the cubs would make it.

Both kids are engineers pulling down great bones and doing well, so don't let anyone tell you just a bit of tough love will hurt any young man.

 

[farmo83]

After college I moved back in while "looking for a job." In reality I was not ready to be done with college yet, and had to realize that despite having my degree 6 figure job offers were not going to fall down upon me. I kept my college job and worked a lot and drank a lot. One night I put my car into a ditch coming home. My Dad gave me the talking to I deserved at that time and I got my act together, found a job and moved out like 2 months later. I did move back in for like a month a year later as I was waiting for the house I was going to rent with friends to be ready for us to move in.

My brother in law is I think 37 and still lives at home, I struggle with it but it's not my business.

 

[FCT]

If my kids are working hard and doing good in life, if they want to stay at home to save money to help get ahead in life, I have zero problems with that. Now my boys staying home and playing video games and being useless members to society that is a whole different story.
Honestly, part of the reason we just bought 15 acres so that we can give each boy a parcel so that they can build a house if they wish. I can’t imagine what it would be for them to buy property by the time they get older.

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

When I was 23 I bought my first house and the payment with impound taxes was $424 a month and a tax write off. Net payment was $300 or half of one paycheck.
I moved out of a $100 a month apartment in Sherman Oaks.
A new 911 or 427 Vett was $6800.

Maynard is 23! Basic 1 bedroom apartment rents here are $2300 a month + utilities.

NFW I want the kids to blow that kind bank on a bed when they can live at home for free.
The Italian section of the family that's expected, that's always been the culture.
Stay at home until you start a family.

Maynard says he'll get Married, have kids, buy some land and live a agriculture life. He'll have to learn to grow russets bigger than a golf ball first.

If you ever want to get my wife to laugh ask her: "what type of girl will be willing to Marry Maynard?"

Maybe @Looking Glass will come back in and tell you you are raising a low life succubus as well .

Seems like a great kid you are raising there. I think in today’s world, particularly on the coasts getting you kid “launched” in this country can be tough. There is a balance between setting them up for success and setting the expectation that everything will be given to them.

That’s not to say kids can't make it.. but some people confuse giving a hand up, with giving a hand out.

It is every parent’s job to figure out what that looks like for their situation. Frankly the more low motivation leeches are out there the better off my kids will have it.

 

[endobear]

Pretty sure my wife would let the kids live with us for the rest of our lives.

 

[PlumLoco]

Growing up we had an Italian family with 5 kids as neighbors. HUGE fight when one of the sons got married and would NOT move in to the family home. Momma was heartbroken. Disowned the son and DIL until the second grandchild.

 

[monkeyswrench]

Growing up we had an Italian family with 5 kids as neighbors. HUGE fight when one of the sons got married and would NOT move in to the family home. Momma was heartbroken. Disowned the son and DIL until the second grandchild.

Hard-core Italian! I've only heard about that, like stories the mob...or Irish and their Leprechauns

 

[PlumLoco]

Hard-core Italian! I've only heard about that, like stories the mob...or Irish and their Leprechauns

Youngest son who is now 65 and a gourmet chef, has run a catering operation with many celebrity clients has never moved out.

 

[wrighton]

Yes, everyone would have free healthcare through the VA. Sound like a win-win.

I tried applying for va last year, got out in 96, VFW member and all, but I got a letter saying I was too successful as I am working and have health benefits. I left the house at 18 and haven’t been back, there’s an upside

 

[JB in so cal]

Youngest son who is now 65 and a gourmet chef, has run a catering operation with many celebrity clients has never moved out.

Your youngest is 65

 

[monkeyswrench]

Your youngest is 65

Neighbors youngest

 

[hallett21]

Interesting responses.

I moved out at 23/24 with my wife (got engaged the day we moved in). My younger brother (born in 96) lived at home for a year after graduating USC and now lives in a rented condo with a buddy.

I tried school and it didn’t take lol. Tried being an EMT to become a fireman but didn’t like making $10 an hour while getting blood and puke on me. Signed up with the IBEW and found what I enjoyed. Due to unfortunate circumstances I had to take over the family business.

Brother works for one of the best commercial brokerages in industrial real estate. He’s doing pretty good but can’t afford a house. I’m sure he’ll end up blowing my wife and I out of the water and getting a DCB lol.

Now…… 2 of my in-laws at 29 and 34 still live at home. Ones a legitimate scientist and the other is a mechanical engineer. They make good money but feel that real estate is too high and they’re living at home for free.

They’re saving money because they are frugal but I think they’re missing out on relationships because let’s be honest, man or woman it’s hard to get laid living at home.

In this instance I think a large issue is that my FIL has been calling for a real estate correction for 10+ years. But eventually you gotta take a shot and go for it.

 

[hallett21]

Also 165k in 1997 is worth 320k today. Just looked at a house for sale in our neighborhood, they want 1.4 million and the house sold for 165k in 97 lol.

Even “cheap” rent or home purchases are stupid high. Unless you want/willing to live in a bad part of town.

 

[monkeyswrench]

Also 165k in 1997 is worth 320k today. Just looked at a house for sale in our neighborhood, they want 1.4 million and the house sold for 165k in 97 lol.

Even “cheap” rent or home purchases are stupid high. Unless you want/willing to live in a bad part of town.

In 99 I bought in the ghetto, 21yo. In 02, I upgraded...to a nicer ghetto. 04 bought a river pad, and 08 moved on up to the high rent district in a nice area. Had no clue about real-estate pricing or loans...still don't. It worked out, but I'd have never known if I didn't try. Owning instead of renting allowed me to use the house like a trading card, it was always gaining value, and that was mine when I left, not a landlord.

 

[attitude]

Also 165k in 1997 is worth 320k today. Just looked at a house for sale in our neighborhood, they want 1.4 million and the house sold for 165k in 97 lol.

Even “cheap” rent or home purchases are stupid high. Unless you want/willing to live in a bad part of town.

I was talking to my dad the other day, his first apartment in 1983 was $525 a month, 2 bed, 1 bath in OC. Thats $1616 today, not even remotely close to what one costs anywhere in SoCal let alone OC.

 

[hallett21]

I was talking to my dad the other day, his first apartment in 1983 was $525 a month, 2 bed, 1 bath in OC. Thats $1616 today, not even remotely close to what one costs anywhere in SoCal let alone OC.

Not to mention groceries, fuel etc.


Don’t get me wrong there’s POS people lol. But right now it’s damn hard to get ahead unless your self employed or have a spouse who makes 6 figures a year. Both is ideal sadly.

 

[Kurt96]

If I could have stayed home in my early 20’s, it would be a no brainer. I moved away for college and my career, so it was never an option. Finally bought my first house a few weeks ago at age 27, but had it not been for my wife working and making the same as me, I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Out of all my high school and college friends (20+ people), only 3 of are homeowners. And no one in my group is a tweaker/lame person. All have great jobs and on good paths in life. One is a trust fund baby so he doesn’t really count. I feel bad for my friends still in CA. I’ll probably never be able to afford something in my hometown.

 

[evantwheeler]

Finally bought my first house a few weeks ago at age 27

Congrats!!

 

[LuauLounge]

Congrats!!

Congrats as well, nothing like going home to your own house. How’s the todo list going?
My first, the seller was building and did a six month rent back, so he made my payments. Gave me lots of time to plan.

 

[CarolynandBob]

Bought my first place about a year after I got out of the Navy. Worked at General Dynamics and got a raise to $11 an hour. Found a run down POS townhouse in Rancho Penasquitos and bought it with a VA loan.. Worked midnights plus 2 hrs of OT a day, plus 6 on Saturday. The OT pretty much paid the mortgage and HOA. Sometimes I would work Sundays for double time. I would come home everyday and work on the place. Added a bath downstairs. re-modeled the kitchen and baths. Got rid of the popcorn ceiling and painted everything. Only thing I hired out was the new carpet. Everything I did I paid cash and it took 2 years. Sold it and made 30k after all real estate cost. Turned that into a 3/2 house n Mira Mesa and did it again. Rinse and repeat until I got married to my current wife at age 31 and she said no remodels. LOL

 

[Orange Juice]

You can pick your nose, pick your friends. but you can’t pick your family.

- Minimize generational trauma and Transfer life skills.

 

[Taboma]

Bought my first place about a year after I got out of the Navy. Worked at General Dynamics and got a raise to $11 an hour. Found a run down POS townhouse in Rancho Penasquitos and bought it with a VA loan.. Worked midnights plus 2 hrs of OT a day, plus 6 on Saturday. The OT pretty much paid the mortgage and HOA. Sometimes I would work Sundays for double time. I would come home everyday and work on the place. Added a bath downstairs. re-modeled the kitchen and baths. Got rid of the popcorn ceiling and painted everything. Only thing I hired out was the new carpet. Everything I did I paid cash and it took 2 years. Sold it and made 30k after all real estate cost. Turned that into a 3/2 house n Mira Mesa and did it again. Rinse and repeat until I got married to my current wife at age 31 and she said no remodels. LOL

In 1979, I purchased my first house in Rancho Penasquitos as well. Up on a knoll above Mt Carmel HS. RP wasn't yet a blip on a map, nearest grocery store was in Poway. Ride my motorcycle down Carmel Valley on dirt roads to the beach or racing around the Tomato fields, that place was seriously cool.
Then as if overnight, all that was gone and replaced with homes and the hoards that inhabited them. Just like that, San Diego had become a clone of Orange County.

To stay on topic, Apprentice Electrician making good money, nice car, got all cocky and shit, left home at 18 with a busted up lip ala Dad and then suddenly life got real. Only took two years before dad and I spoke again, at least I never hit him back.

For awhile I lived with five girls all sharing an apartment, that's when I learned about the hidden Dark Side of the creature known as Woman. They bragged about what testosterone driven fools us guys were and how easily we could be played for free drinks and good times at our expense.
Sure the sex was great, but I knew I in their minds I was only a tool to be used then passed around and by this gang of succubus.
Taking a temporary vow of celibacy I moved in with a friend of a friend. Then he got drafted and the apartment manager begged me to rehabilitate their son who'd just served two years in Norco prison.
I should have stayed with the demon succubus girls.

 

[foxfam312]

I can only imagine how much you grew up when you went into the Navy at such a young age. The Military really makes a Man (or Woman) out of you. Just imagine what American Society would be like if the Military was mandatory. It would be a totally different place. Thanks for your service in the Navy...

I totally agree.

 

[RiverDave]

I'm on the fence with this anymore. I could honestly care less if my kids lived with me so long as they are out there doing life. It isn't the same as when all of us grew up. I realize a lot of people have cited California and home and rent prices, but I'd submit that's damn near everywhere anymore especially in Havasu.

I kinda like the thought of my 18-20 year old daughters heading down to the Team RDP office and heading up real estate sales or possibly managing the team if they have what it takes.. Or my 16-20 year old son heading down to my shop and running CNC machines and doing boat tests, selling ads or writing articles if that's what he wants to do.

I get the tough love and get them out of the house approach.. I just don't know if it's quite as attainable as it was before, and that was already difficult.

I have a totally different view point on young adult work / jobs though. Most say get up, get a job, goto work, put your time in.. FUCK THAT.

I really hope my kids don't ever have to work minimum wage jobs, because I think the are a total waste of time.

RD

 

[CarolynandBob]

In 1979, I purchased my first house in Rancho Penasquitos as well. Up on a knoll above Mt Carmel HS. RP wasn't yet a blip on a map, nearest grocery store was in Poway. Ride my motorcycle down Carmel Valley on dirt roads to the beach or racing around the Tomato fields, that place was seriously cool.
Then as if overnight, all that was gone and replaced with homes and the hoards that inhabited them. Just like that, San Diego had become a clone of Orange County.

To stay on topic, Apprentice Electrician making good money, nice car, got all cocky and shit, left home at 18 with a busted up lip ala Dad and then suddenly life got real. Only took two years before dad and I spoke again, at least I never hit him back.

For awhile I lived with five girls all sharing an apartment, that's when I learned about the hidden Dark Side of the creature known as Woman. They bragged about what testosterone driven fools us guys were and how easily we could be played for free drinks and good times at our expense.
Sure the sex was great, but I knew I in their minds I was only a tool to be used then passed around and by this gang of succubus.
Taking a temporary vow of celibacy I moved in with a friend of a friend. Then he got drafted and the apartment manager begged me to rehabilitate their son who'd just served two years in Norco prison.
I should have stayed with the demon succubus girls.

Not sure what the name of the complex was but the street was Via Asti.

 

[SKIDMARC]

Interesting reading this thread. My son will be 14 in a few weeks, doesn't seem like college will be his route. That's ok. I literally have been telling him, you got 4 years to figure out what your going to do with your life. And when 18 hits and you graduate high school, the rent will start. Wife kind of gave me the side eye, to which I replied, your mom charged you rent when your graduated, she had that oh yeah look, then looked at him like, yeah rents coming.

Now will there be a time line for him or my daughter to leave, IDK. I would rather see how it goes, where we live, everything is really expensive. I don't want to push them to the point where they make a stupid decision because I said they had to go, I would rather they make stupid decisions on their own. LOL

But at a certain point, they are going to have to branch out and live on their own, just not sure if I can put an age number on it, at least right now.

 

[Taboma]

Not sure what the name of the complex was but the street was Via Asti.

I remember those places between Carmel Mountain and the Freeway.

 

[hallett21]

I'm on the fence with this anymore. I could honestly care less if my kids lived with me so long as they are out there doing life. It isn't the same as when all of us grew up. I realize a lot of people have cited California and home and rent prices, but I'd submit that's damn near everywhere anymore especially in Havasu.

I kinda like the thought of my 18-20 year old daughters heading down to the Team RDP office and heading up real estate sales or possibly managing the team if they have what it takes.. Or my 16-20 year old son heading down to my shop and running CNC machines and doing boat tests, selling ads or writing articles if that's what he wants to do.

I get the tough love and get them out of the house approach.. I just don't know if it's quite as attainable as it was before, and that was already difficult.

I have a totally different view point on young adult work / jobs though. Most say get up, get a job, goto work, put your time in.. FUCK THAT.

I really hope my kids don't ever have to work minimum wage jobs, because I think the are a total waste of time.

RD

It’s kind of funny how ranching and farming is romanticized on shows like Yellowstone etc. That’s a legitimate scenario where you may “live at home” until your parents die and you inherit the operation.

But then people will turn around and say at 18 GTFO. I agree with your stance. If your kids had the drive and skill to help grow what you and Stacy have started then why the hell not.

If they’re a leech then that’s a different topic. But it is possible to raise good driven kids that stay close to family businesses. I would say they need to move out and not live right with you. Even if that’s on a family compound.

 

[Singleton]

It’s kind of funny how ranching and farming is romanticized on shows like Yellowstone etc. That’s a legitimate scenario where you may “live at home” until your parents die and you inherit the operation.

But then people will turn around and say at 18 GTFO. I agree with your stance. If your kids had the drive and skill to help grow what you and Stacy have started then why the hell not.

If they’re a leech then that’s a different topic. But it is possible to raise good driven kids that stay close to family businesses. I would say they need to move out and not live right with you. Even if that’s on a family compound.

My wife grew up on a family farm. At 18 she left and only went back for holidays and birthdays. 2 years after we got married, my FIL asked if we wanted to move back home and run the farm since he was retiring. The kicker, all profits from the farm had to be divided by 4. My FIL wanted his share and he wanted his other daughter and son to get money from the farm without working it. That was a deal breaker for me. I was willing to work it, but wanted 100% of the profits. He ended up selling the farm! Best family decision he made.

 

[PlanB]

Some parents are not doing their kids any favors by coddling them and letting them stay at home forever. We have friends that never want their adult kids to move out, but the problem is going to come when the parents are not around down the road. Some of these kids are not going to survive when the day comes that they actually have to provide and take care of themselves.

 

[monkeyswrench]

My wife grew up on a family farm. At 18 she left and only went back for holidays and birthdays. 2 years after we got married, my FIL asked if we wanted to move back home and run the farm since he was retiring. The kicker, all profits from the farm had to be divided by 4. My FIL wanted his share and he wanted his other daughter and son to get money from the farm without working it. That was a deal breaker for me. I was willing to work it, but wanted 100% of the profits. He ended up selling the farm! Best family decision he made.

I can see a 50/50 split, or less. Land isn't cheap, and if he held the deed it would make sense for him and you to split it. If he wanted, he could split is portion. Those not involved, hit the bricks

I've mentioned it before, a friend of a friend was the grandson of a dairy guy in Chino. He worked there after school, weekends and summers. His cousins all got a monthly payment of sorts, but never worked. He turned down the money, and told his grandfather he liked doing it and could see maybe running it some day. When the building push came through in the 90s, a sizeable offer was made on the land. The kid was still in college, and still working the place as well as a part time job. His years of cow shit made him come out smelling like a rose. A percentage of ownership, a pretty hefty one, was considered his. His cousins were pissed, probably still are, but he came out pretty good!