Lets talk about 20 somethings living at home

[HTTP404]

I know this has been discussed here before. It's a bit of a hot topic these days about how hard it is for our kids to get a place of their own.
But is it really that hard? I'm thinking our kids are just accustomed to a cushy lifestyle. They have so many other things to spend their money on and everything is at the flick of a click away from purchasing.
Have ya'll ever gone on a cruise, or a vacation to Hawaii before you had a place of your own? I moved out of the house at 17 and have never been back. But I've never been to Hawaii.

 

[Xtrmwakeboarder]

Yes it’s really that hard, and it’s compounded by poor saving habits. 20 something doesn’t sound like a huge deal as it takes a while to get momentum, but 30 something is another story…

 

[HTTP404]

Yes it’s really that hard, and it’s compounded by poor saving habits. 20 something doesn’t sound like a huge deal as it takes a while to get momentum, but 30 something is another story…

How many trips to the sushi joint did you have before you were 30?

 

[78Southwind]

It would be nice if they would move out so we could have some street parking around here. I don't have any kids btw...

 

[monkeyswrench]

I moved out after high school. Deal was go to school, live at home rent free. Well, I didn't see myself as a scholar, and also couldn't see myself paying rent to still have parental rules. Honestly, my parents and I got along a lot better.

My daughter will be 20 next week. She lives at home, but is taking a full class load, working 20-30 hours a week, and is saving for her future residence, whenever and wherever that may be. She loves her little car, but it's almost as old as her. Her first major purchase will probably be a new to her car.

I don't envy what the current crop of kids is facing. Rents and home prices are real high now. Add to that the general uncertainty of the world and our country, I can understand there being a certain amount of fear about stepping out on your own.

 

[Markus]

In Italy, they are more concerned about the 40-somethings living at home.

 

[HTTP404]

My daughter will be 20 next week. She lives at home, but is taking a full class load, working 20-30 hours a week, and is saving for her future residence, whenever and wherever that may be. She loves her little car, but it's almost as old as her. Her first major purchase will probably be a new to her car.

I fondly remember those days.

 

[CarolynandBob]

I left 10 days after high school into the Navy. Never lived at my parents again. Couldn't wait to get out.

My son graduated and thought he didn't have to follow rules anymore. Gave him a 30 day notice. This was about 3 months after high school. He rented a room at some peoples house that I gave him the security deposit for. Was probably the best thing I did for him. Well except for adopting him from Russia. He has been in the military for 6 yrs now.

 

[17 10 Flat]

IMO. Your job as a parent is to prepare your child/children for going out on their own, job, house, military whatever it is. In most cases if your child/children are at home 4-5 years after high school one or both of the parents failed parenting.

We did not take many vacations. Usually weekends at the lake, parents house. Money we could have used for fancy vacations was saved so both our children had 4 years of college paid for. Books, tuition, apartment. They both had part time jobs for gas, insurance and spending money. Both graduated zero debt. Never moved back in.

 

[Dan Lorenze]

I left 10 days after high school into the Navy. Never lived at my parents again. Couldn't wait to get out.

My son graduated and thought he didn't have to follow rules anymore. Gave him a 30 day notice. This was about 3 months after high school. He rented a room at some peoples house that I gave him the security deposit for. Was probably the best thing I did for him. Well except for adopting him from Russia. He has been in the military for 6 yrs now.

I can only imagine how much you grew up when you went into the Navy at such a young age. The Military really makes a Man (or Woman) out of you. Just imagine what American Society would be like if the Military was mandatory. It would be a totally different place. Thanks for your service in the Navy...

 

[ChiliPepperGarage]

I had to have roommates when I moved out in 1974 at 18. You know what I didn't have? Car payments (because I bought a cheap clapped out car that I had to learn how to fix), cell phone bills, internet bills, video games to buy, Starbucks coffee and many other ridiculous things to waste money on. Kids to day are so spoiled and so caught up in image crap that social media convinces them they need. Look at this Stanley cup BS craze.

Kids also don't have the incentives to get out on their own like we used to. My father made Red Foreman look like a pussy cat. He was not my best friend. He was father that made demands of me and taught me how to survive on my own. It was not a fun upbringing so I wanted to be out. So many parents today seem want to coddle their kids and give them everything they could possibly want so why would they want to leave home?

I've heard people say, "My kids are my life. Everything I do is for them. They are my world". Of course you should love your kids but for millions of years parents lived their own lives and their kids learned from the parents. They were taught to do chores, to respect elders, work hard and appreciate what they have. They knew the parents (and teachers) were the boss and leaders. Now the kids are the boss and parents cow tow to their every whim.

 

[Singleton]

I moved out when I went to college and never returned. As I was approaching college graduation, my dad offered me a room for rent for 6 months, then I had to move out. I got a job offer Thanksgiving week of my senior year and that was what I needed to rent a room when I graduated. Granted, I paid 100% of my room and board in college (dad paid tuition).

My oldest left the house when he went to college and never returned.

Middle kid (22 stepson), is home after dropping out of college. Posted about that in the other thread. Kid has no motivation to do anything. It’s a huge issue and part of that is on me and my wife, the other is on his biological father.

 

[Sleek-Jet]

Have ya'll ever gone on a cruise, or a vacation to Hawaii before you had a place of your own? I moved out of the house at 17 and have never been back. But I've never been to Hawaii.

I think there is a lot to this. I have friends and coworkers with kids in their early 20's. One kid in particular just got back from 3 weeks in Africa and quite literally went from one airport to the next to fly to Florida for a week to play golf. I'm like WTF. Others basically live the life of Riley with new car leases and then run of their parents McMansions...

Heck, if I would have had stayed home too if I could have done that.

But this is more of a reflection of the affluence where I live. On the other hand we don't hear of "failure to launch" issues with people farther down the ladder either.

 

[17 10 Flat]

I moved out when I went to college and never returned. As I was approaching college graduation, my dad offered me a room for rent for 6 months, then I had to move out. I got a job offer Thanksgiving week of my senior year and that was what I needed to rent a room when I graduated. Granted, I paid 100% of my room and board in college (dad paid tuition).

My oldest left the house when he went to college and never returned.

Middle kid (22 stepson), is home after dropping out of college. Posted about that in the other thread. Kid has no motivation to do anything. It’s a huge issue and part of that is on me and my wife, the other is on his biological father.

Hope this isn't your outcome, but neighbor across the street has a son 60+ never had a full time job. Lives with what ever relative can put up with him. Lazy as all get out. His other living arrangments are homeless shelters.

 

[CarolynandBob]

I can only imagine how much you grew up when you went into the Navy at such a young age. The Military really makes a Man (or Woman) out of you. Just imagine what American Society would be like if the Military was mandatory. It would be a totally different place. Thanks for your service in the Navy...

Yep. Grew up quick. I used think it would be wrong to have mandatory military service, but in the last 15 years I have change my mind.

 

[2Driver]

We got married at 24 and moved to Havasu with 1 car and our clothes. Inflation was still high, companies were laying off and mortgage rates were 17%.

LOL Our parents gave us a “good luck and we know you'll be successful“.

 

[Boatymcboatface]

It would be nice if they would move out so we could have some street parking around here. I don't have any kids btw...

0

 

[Singleton]

Hope this isn't your outcome, but neighbor across the street has a son 60+ never had a full time job. Lives with what ever relative can put up with him. Lazy as all get out. His other living arrangments are homeless shelters.

We gave the kid until March 1 to find 36+ hours of work a week. Currently works 20-24 hours. He pays room and board. Plan is to hand him cash equal to 50% what he has paid in room and board over the last year when we evict him. He also knows his ability to live at our house expires 12.31.2024.

 

[Xtrmwakeboarder]

How many trips to the sushi joint did you have before you were 30?

A lot, but I rented my own place well before 30, and lived on Top Ramen, protein shakes, spaghetti, and Hamburger/Tuna helper. I also immediately made more than the average family in America out of college and worked a TON of hours. I’m not the norm.

What is the cost of a car, house, etc. when you were 30? What was the average salary? What is it now? Every time I’ve done that analysis it’s obviously much harder now. That’s before you factor in America’s widespread lack of financial literacy

 

[mesquito_creek]

On my two daughters 18th birthday they got to sign their first legal contract. The contract was with us: go to school, live at home paying rent or move out. Within a year of HS graduation they both were out of the house starting their young adult lives and haven’t been back.

The youngest is 23 so I am not talking about in the way back machine…

Kids take the path of least resistance, so adults are living at home because parents want them too.

 

[BHC Vic]

It’s not just moving out. Most kids don’t even want to drive at 16. I bought my first truck at 15 and sophomore year I was driving myself to school. Things are different now

 

[mesquito_creek]

We gave the kid until March 1 to find 36+ hours of work a week. Currently works 20-24 hours. He pays room and board. Plan is to hand him cash equal to 50% what he has paid in room and board over the last year when we evict him. He also knows his ability to live at our house expires 12.31.2024.

Our oldest was late 20s working and doing well so we rented a condo to her. We gave her a nice discount on rent but we didn’t return a dime to her when she moved out! Hahaha!

 

[badgas]

Depends on the situation. My son stayed home until he was 25 and moved out when he got married as did his wife. He talked about a move out at 22 and I actually told him to stay home and save $

They were both always employed , they worked all the time and actually saved a lot of money toward a down payment. They had a goal and they stayed with it and they are good productive people.

I would NEVER allow someone in their late teens to twenties to just hang out with a free ride.

As parents the house needs to be a trampoline not a hammock.

 

[Singleton]

It’s not just moving out. Most kids don’t even want to drive at 16. I bought my first truck at 15 and sophomore year I was driving myself to school. Things are different now

Yep.
Oldest kid wanted to drive at 16. Got license and rented a car from me. Rent equals A’s and B’s in school, volunteer 20 hours a month plus work to pay for gas and 25% insurance.

Middle son was on his way to getting his 50 hours of behind the wheel. One weekend he went to his biological father’s house and when he came home he had zero interest in driving. To his day, he has never told us what occurred. Day he turned 16, we told him start walking, we are no longer your taxi. He is 22 now and has zero interest in driving. We refuse to drive him, he walks or Ubers where he needs to go. I have told my wife, he is a leach and needs to be cut off - BUT that’s easier said than done!

 

[Singleton]

Our oldest was late 20s working and doing well so we rented a condo to her. We gave her a nice discount on rent but we didn’t return a dime to her when she moved out! Hahaha!

Ours just signed his new room and board agreement. He has no idea 50% of his rent will be returned. Wife and I agreed, the money will be used to pay for rent. When he leaves our house, if he moves in with another family member, he will not be seeing that money.

 

[mesquito_creek]

Ours just signed his new room and board agreement. He has no idea 50% of his rent will be returned. Wife and I agreed, the money will be used to pay for rent. When he leaves our house, if he moves in with another family member, he will not be seeing that money.

Sounds like a great idea to me. We provided additional support in different ways also and every kid is different. End game is the same for parents, find a way to get the best out of them and on their own…. So that you and your wife can go back to acting like teenagers in the house acting irresponsible at times without kids watching!

 

[Your ad here]

Anyone ever teach their kids the process of purchasing a home? Shopping and qualifying for a loan, finding a realtor, selecting a location to look for a home, and how much a mortgage really cost? If you teach them there is no excuse as why they can't move forward on moving out. I'm talking about actually going through the process in person even though it is a practice run, just hope your realtor and loan buddy's are okay with a practice/educational run. Not the typical 2 sentence explanation.
The education system doesn't teach any of this. If more people were educated on this they would probably be further ahead, because they have the education on it. Unfortunately the education system brainwashes kids into thinking if they don't go to college they'll top out at being a burger flipper at McDonalds and live with their parents forever and whats sad is kids believe that and will live that lifestyle because some idiot told them to.

 

[propcheck]

Pretty much similar story around here. Moved out and rented a house with friends at 19 after I completed community college. My dad said once you are out you are out so make good decisions. So I knew I was all in. Yuban, top Ramen and a Toyota pick up with a 22Re we’re the financial foundation to save money and start building my net worth. Kids do need to make a whole lot more to get out and get ahead these days but it can be done my two knuckleheads are doing it so it can be done.

 

[Singleton]

Sounds like a great idea to me. We provided additional support in different ways also and every kid is different. End game is the same for parents, find a way to get the best out of them and on their own…. So that you and your wife can go back to acting like teenagers in the house acting irresponsible at times without kids watching!

We have 3 kids
28
22
12

We have told the youngest, when you graduate HS, we are selling the house, buying a new RV and traveling. You will not see us, unless we want to see you

 

[dezertrider]

I stopped hiring kids that lived at home. If they worked a busy week with lot of OT they would alwasy call out sick before the end of the week. They made enoygh money to buy fast food and take there chicks out so they would take the rest of the week off. It drove me nuts!!

Funny story how we got our son to move out. We started charging him 100$ a month once he graduated HS. We made lots of rules and if he screwed up or broke the rules we would raise his rent. Slowly his rent crept up to $1200 a month. He was pissed and lashed out saying he may as well move out with rent that high. My wife and I smiled and told him that was the plan. We helped him move out and saved all his rent contributions. We loaded him up with all the stuff he needed and moved him out.

He wanted the rest of the cash we saved. I told him we are saving it for when he needs it. Sure enough he needed cash a few time as we all did growing up. Best move for him

 

[mattyc]

I lived at home until I was 24. Saved money like crazy but also went out and played. Moved out when I bought my house.

 

[JFMFG]

I lived at home until just before I turned 26 when I purchased my first home. I had to work full time. My parents never asked me for a dime to live under their roof. Only thing I had to pay was my phone, truck, and auto insurance. I would go out with my friends every weekend to have a good time and be there. But I didn’t drink like a fish at the bars like they did. I had a beer to be social then cruised home around 9-10 every night. To be honest times have changed when a apartment is 2800$$ a month for a one bedroom in Ontario, chino area that’s steep before utilities, food, auto, gas, phone, medical, etc. but I can assure you I never went on a vacation to Hawaii or a cruise before I got married. I think limits need to be made but also need to remember how expensive it is in the real world now days. Look at most new builds they have the live in suites. 2 houses in 1 that should say something.

 

[Shlbyntro]

I'm not sure I could even put 10% of my thoughts down on this one.

bougut my first car at 15, licence at 16. I went to Florida for school immediately out of HS. then went straight to Parker. The bottom fell out and I ended up going back home, worked between 2-3 jobs at that time to cover my stuff while living at home. Then I rented a room in Corona for a while near one of the boat shops. When I decided that California was not it for me, I gave up the room and went home for about 6 months while I was cutting roots to leave the state.

My sister on the other hand, well she had an "its not your fault" upbringing. didn't have a license until she was almost twenty. My parents always paid her rent no matter where she lived and have bought her multiple cars and now multiple houses too. she is currently living in the 2nd house that has been bought for her and only pays rent at less than 50% of the norms in the area and also has my mom convinced that she needs to pay to remodel the bathroom in said house. Most of you know the rest

 

[crzy2bealive]

I moved out at 17 right after high school.

Do I want that for my kids?

It depends, if they are motivated and working going to school move forward in life…..

I had to learn the hard way and struggle.

I want my kids to have the best chances and if that means staying at home in their early 20s so be it.

Obviously there would be rules.

 

[bbrownster]

I left 10 days after high school into the Navy. Never lived at my parents again. Couldn't wait to get out.

My son graduated and thought he didn't have to follow rules anymore. Gave him a 30 day notice. This was about 3 months after high school. He rented a room at some peoples house that I gave him the security deposit for. Was probably the best thing I did for him. Well except for adopting him from Russia. He has been in the military for 6 yrs now.

I so wish I could turn back the clock and would have done this with our oldest. Huge waste of money in college and now the piss poor human is over 30 and living with us and his addiction to adderall and laziness. Have always said nothing happens until Mom has enough. The eruption is not far off…

 

[DLC]

Shoot I lived at home and never moved out….. mom made great meatloaf!

lol

Parents got tired of me and decided it was time to get a place of their own…. I went from paying $200 to $1289 to pay the mortgage!

I was 24 worked a lot and was gone a lot - glamis, river, snow skiin. I got 2 female roommates and it was great ….

The house, yard and pool were a lot to take care of and they got tired of cutting the grass and maintaining it so they wanted a slower lifestyle & moved into a condo

yes there was a plan in place and I joked about it a lot w/ friends ! In the end I took over their mortgage paid it a few years and then transferred it to my name.

They bought a condo and got to spend more Quality time together

It was a win win for both of us and I can’t thank my dad & mom enough! After buying the condo I helped renovate it by removing walls and -popcorn ceilings kitchen reno etc

I ended up not playing so much and started to fix up improve the home after the condo rehab


Things worked out great!

 

[Mr. C]

It seems most (like me) who moved out by the early twenties are probably 50+ now or closer to sixty. When it was easier to have a job and Afford rent. With maybe one roommate.
Nowadays it takes 4 roommates with cost of a place. They’re getting 23-2500 a month for one bedroom out our way. Not many early 20 yr olds
Can cover that. A car. Ins. Food. Gas. Electric. And all the other shit.
It’s different today than when I moved out 40 yrs ago.

That said the entitlement and laziness of many kids these days is a big disappointment

 

[Your ad here]

It seems most (like me) who moved out by the early twenties are probably 50+ now or closer to sixty. When it was easier to have a job and Afford rent. With maybe one roommate.
Nowadays it takes 4 roommates with cost of a place. They’re getting 23-2500 a month for one bedroom out our way. Not many early 20 yr olds
Can cover that. A car. Ins. Food. Gas. Electric. And all the other shit.
It’s different today than when I moved out 40 yrs ago.

That said the entitlement and laziness of many kids these days is a big disappointment

Things were a lot different back in the 80's. I was born in 89 but I've seen what Al Bundy can afford on a shoe salesman salary.

 

[Singleton]

It seems most (like me) who moved out by the early twenties are probably 50+ now or closer to sixty. When it was easier to have a job and Afford rent. With maybe one roommate.
Nowadays it takes 4 roommates with cost of a place. They’re getting 23-2500 a month for one bedroom out our way. Not many early 20 yr olds
Can cover that. A car. Ins. Food. Gas. Electric. And all the other shit.
It’s different today than when I moved out 40 yrs ago.

That said the entitlement and laziness of many kids these days is a big disappointment

Agree with the price of rent these days.
I told my oldest, you don’t need your own place. Rent a room from someone and never let rent be more then 30% of your take home.

With his current job (Head of Maintenance for an Appt Complex), he gets a 50% discount on rent. Plus they are paying for all his HVAC certs.

 

[Your ad here]

Anyone also talk about the term "rent control" and if you do it right your house will pay you to live in it, if you got a mortgage.

 

[endobear]

Moved out the weekend after I graduated.
Couch surfed that 1st summer then got a place with a couple buddies. We all worked together at a ski area. Had the time of my life. Partying and snowboarding in the winters. Commercial painting in the summers. 6 months framing houses. At 22 I moved back home. . My old man pushed me to do it. He had a detached garage with an apartment above it. Rent was $600 a month for a 700sqft 1 bedroom apartment. Plus i had full access to his garage. Loved my setup. I fixed it up and paid rent. Win win for him and myself. He wanted me to stay as long as i needed to save for my 1st home. At 24 or 25 my then girlfriend (now wife) and I bought the house next door which we still own outright and rent out now. Would have been tough to pull off saving for a down payment without his help.

 

[mesquito_creek]

Part of the problem is it’s a status thing among us Gen Xer parents in our 50s. Lots of parents won’t let their kids move into the areas that they can afford because of what the Jones might think OR they fear the lower income areas. Let’s just say that my youngest daughter doesn’t speak fluent Spanish because she learned it at home!

She rents a 3 bedroom house with 2 other roommates in old town Tucson for 1800. Same place would be 3500 here in the east valley.

 

[Sharky]

I moved out just after HS. Back then a 2 bedroom apartment was only $200 a month. Split it with a freind.

Both daughters have done very well. One is 28 the other is 30. Mom taught them very young how to save, invest, cook & clean. Both girls had checking accounts in Jr. High. Huge thanks to Bill Daniels for starting the Young Americans Bank here in Denver just for children.

Bank for Kids - Young Americans Center, Denver CO

Young Americans is the only bank in the world designed for people 21 years old or younger. There are so many reasons why kids should bank with us!

yacenter.org

Both girls had credit cards while in HS. They both moved out in their early 20's and still listen to Mom about investing. They are light years ahead of their peers with some of the stocks and investments Mom helped them to purchase when they where still in their teens.

Youngest daughter was laid off last year. Took her 7 months to land a job. While laid off, she took a trip to France, NY, Ireland and Washington. And was still able to pay her monthly rent for 7 months. Mom trained her well.

Youngest daughter is researching a house to buy but right now, everything is severely over priced and the interest rates are a killer. She is banking her money.

Oldest daughter is doing just fine as well. She landed her dream job at the college she got her Masters from (CSU) and they have great benefits including the same pension plan dad has, PERA.


On the other hand, friend of mine has his step son still living at home. The kid is in his 40's. . . . real looser. Would love to kick him out but it's his wife's kid. She is worthless as well. Keep telling him to get a divorce. He is worried she would take 1/2 everything he owns. Keep telling him "hell!!! she is now"

 

[HOOTER SLED-]

They don't make em like they used to.....something I always say as I shake my head.

 

[CoolCruzin]

Our daughters are never moving out
We are doing something wrong .
36 y working , saving dollars no steady boy friend yet but good kid , no party life .
26 y working ,phd student has boy friend .
And no party life

I’m to easy on them but love them

 

[stonehenge]

For my HS graduation, my parents bought me a very nice set of luggage.




I did move back home for a few weeks after the first Gulf War in 91', that was nice of them.



My daughter had her license on her 16th birthday, manual transmission. She went to collage the summer after HS graduation, and in May of 23' upon graduation she came home for the summer, then off to school for her masters.


We also bought her some nice luggage for her HS graduation.



Not sure what you learn playing video games and eating taco bell in your parents basement, but it seems we have a generation of dip-shits doing just that.

 

[RVR SWPR]

I moved out after high school. Deal was go to school, live at home rent free. Well, I didn't see myself as a scholar, and also couldn't see myself paying rent to still have parental rules. Honestly, my parents and I got along a lot better.

My daughter will be 20 next week. She lives at home, but is taking a full class load, working 20-30 hours a week, and is saving for her future residence, whenever and wherever that may be. She loves her little car, but it's almost as old as her. Her first major purchase will probably be a new to her car.

I don't envy what the current crop of kids is facing. Rents and home prices are real high now. Add to that the general uncertainty of the world and our country, I can understand there being a certain amount of fear about stepping out on your own.

At least you have acreage to contain everyone, LoL. The way you guys enjoy family no doubt down the road you will be building a compound.
Just kidding but the posts & comments regarding parking in the city neighborhoods definitely a serious situation.

 

[Lumpy]

Been raising my Son alone for the last 12 years…he is 21, fourth year of college and living at home. Waiting to hear from Cal Polly for three more years…if he gets in he will be making six figures starting wage by 25. If he doesn’t get in, Ive been informed that he will be getting an apprenticeship and moving out. Kid is highly motivated…raising kids is like walking a fence…discipline but don't break spirit. It’s been a long road to hoe but the reward is and will be incredible.

 

[Singleton]

Been raising my Son alone for the last 12 years…he is 21, fourth year of college and living at home. Waiting to hear from Cal Polly for three more years…if he gets in he will be making six figures starting wage by 25. If he doesn’t get in, Ive been informed that he will be getting an apprenticeship and moving out. Kid is highly motivated…raising kids is like walking a fence…discipline but don't break spirit. It’s been a long road to hoe but the reward is and will be incredible.

What is he studying and what field does he want to get into?

My nephew just graduated (duel degree with honors - Econ & Finance). Went into investment mgmt - thought he would be making 100k plus, offers were hitting his desk in the 60’s.

 

[Ultra912]

My youngest is still at home at 25 yrs old but we want and offered that so he can save his money to buy a house. He's a fireman II for Riverside County/Calfire Beaumont so he's almost never home anyways. Was in school then fire academy till he was 20. Stays at his girlfriend's half the time when he's off duty. We got no problem with that. I was out before I even graduated from HS. Parents divorced and new stepmom wasn't gonna be telling me what to do. Pop's understood fortunately.